Am I being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

Aloha! Live in nanny here.

I’m 21, I’ve been a live in nanny for two years, a nanny overall for five, & I have experience in other child related fields like coaching, teaching, & being a summer youth counselor for five years. I have a lot of experience with different families (good & bad) & I can usually form my own opinions about my nanny situations, but lately I have felt very conflicted about my current family.

I’m a live in nanny & household manager for a family with a one year old baby girl. I have light house keeping duties & I am paid for 40 hours of work a week at 10$ per hour. I talked to this family over video chats & emails for about six months before deciding to take the job & I felt like I had gotten to know a lot about the mom, the baby, & how things would operate as well as their expectations & my pay etc.

When I got here, the job creep was gradual. The first red flag was the mom said she couldn’t remember what she had promised to pay me after I had been working for her for two weeks & she really wanted to lower the amount that was already presented in our contract (which she received before my arrival.) I kind of had no choice to agree - I moved here 12 hours away from home, I have no family & I didn’t have a back up job at that very moment. The mom explained that they had been super busy before I came, so the house wasn’t as clean as she liked. I spent a lot of the time the first couple of weeks deep cleaning the house, but it never stays clean. I feel like I am looked towards when things aren’t cleaned up even though I clean the house daily & levels above of my pay & job description. The mom does not throw away a single diaper or clean any dishes, even when I am off the clock. If I don’t clean over the weekend, all of the mess is piled up for me on Mondays.

When they ask me to do them a favor with their car such as getting it serviced, I am always given the car with an empty gas tank & I have literally no choice but to pay for the gas so I can drive into town. They have done this to me multiple times & I find it insulting, because the dad will message me that the car takes premium right as I’m leaving, which means he knows there’s no gas in it.

They often eat my food & say that they will replace it, but except for once after we had a weird conversation about food, they haven’t recorded the items they eat. I was under the impression from our conversations before my arrival that there would always be things for me to eat the house, but that isn’t really true. I’m expected to feed myself, which is perfectly fine, but I have never had a live in nanny family do this & they kind of decided to do this after a couple of weeks of me living there. The first week I got here, they did have a couple of things in the fridge for me which I greatly appreciated. My main problem I suppose, is that I am expected to buy my own food but it is often used to feed the baby or my bosses & nobody really cares if/what I eat. They do not ever ask if I need things from the store or if they get something for dinner they don’t say anything. They asked for things frequently from me when I arrived at first, but once I discovered that they did not intend to pay me for those requests, I stopped telling them I was going to the store. (They would request things that were 10+$ at a time.) I have brought this up to them & the mothers response was confusing - she only said “nobody is obligated to feed the other & if you don’t want your food eaten please put your name on it. I don’t have time to think about what’s yours & that’s not really my problem.” That’s fine, but it did make me feel bad for even bringing up the food situation in the first place. It doesn’t matter if they know it’s mine, the dad said he would eat whatever he feels in his own house, so I started to keep less food here.

I am trying to get my own car or a moped & I inquired with the dad about how much parking would be at our building a month. He told me I would need to give him 50$ a month. I was taking to our neighbor about getting a car, and they mentioned that they liked how our buildings parking was so cheap (25$ per month per car) so for whatever reason, the dad wants to nickel & dime me for parking. I don’t typically let things like this bother me, but it did make me feel negatively (sad almost? Or confused).

The mom has asked me to watch the baby on Saturday multiple times. I didn’t feel the need to discus pay with her the first couple of times, because I felt like it was understood that I can’t watch the baby for 5-8 hours on a Saturday without some sort of compensation - but she didn’t pay me any different the first couple of times. She also has me frequently watch the baby in the evenings without a change in pay. I brought it to her attention & her response was “if you don’t want to watch the baby in your free time you can say no” & she has not asked me since then. I have never had this happen with a nanny family & I don’t know how to address it.

I take my job very seriously & I make all of my nanny families agree to participate in a shared calendar & we have a living family manual that I give to them when I leave. Despite agreeing to this, since arriving the mom has said it’s not really her thing & never tried to work with me on it. The mom has stated previously that she just wanted childcare, she didn’t really want all the extra stuff that came with having a nanny. She also told me once that because I’m only 21 & I’ve never had a child of my own, she doesn’t care to hear about my experience with things like potty training or teething, etc. I am so passionate about my job & I have been a nanny for a large chunk of my professional life, so this really threw me. I don’t receive any benefits & I am paid 400$ a week currently - my original agreement was 500$ a week with room &
board & I was only supposed to work 7-3 on weekdays. I often work past 3 with no warning & I receive no board. The dad pays me days late every time it’s his turn to pay me. They just got a puppy without warning me & I don’t know how to let them know that it’s outside of my job description to care for a pet unless they want to discuss it professionally & compensate me properly.

They are nice people on a day to day basis and they speak about me kindly to others (they boast to friends that they really love me, I am essential to their life, etc) but I don’t feel that way at work. I would like this situation to work out because I adore their daughter, but I am scared that this family has too many red flags for me to have a healthy & professional relationship with them. I would love to hear any thoughts, opinions, or suggestions you may have.

Have a blessed Tuesday

[Anonymous]

Honestly I couldn’t even read the whole thing. Yes you’re being taken advantage of. $10hr are you kidding me. You need to pack and leave. Especially the fact they agreed on one rate then changed it. And they should have food for you. Some people are so rude and clueless. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You are being abused and illegaly paid below minimum wage. It must be really hard but you have to leave. Do they pay taxes? I realize you love the little one but you need to look out for yourself. Call parents, friends. Leave. You'll find another nanny job.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that below minimum wage? Why were you ok with that?
Regardless, I think you must know by now that whatever the mom tells you (forgets something conveniently, asks for favors bit by bit) they are 100% taking advantage of the fact that you seem non-confrontational and they think they can convince you to think this is a normal relationship.
The time to start looking for a new job is... yesterday.

[Anonymous]

I think they’re taking advantage of you because of your age. Are you a live in in a Condo building? This seems crazy to start with. I think you need to have a sit down talk with them and if they don’t go back to original agreement you need to look for something else.

[Anonymous]

I’d have left! Also, you need to verbally express your concerns and thoughts to them. What’s spoken it’s understood. If there’s no contract I’d not work for a family. You have to set boundaries of your work schedule. Any additional hours must be paid at the rate of time and a half. Also, $10 for a live-in nanny/housekeeper/house manager it’s INSANE!!!! And having to pay for parking once you buy transportation it’s ridiculous.
I hope you find another and better job that compensates you accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I can't understand after reading your book why on earth you feel at all conflicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't understand after reading your book why on earth you feel at all conflicted.

I don’t know - I’m conflicted. I don’t know why the length of my post is such an issue, I just wanted to get all of the information out there so my responses were adequate & I don’t really have anyone to express these things to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re taking advantage of you because of your age. Are you a live in in a Condo building? This seems crazy to start with. I think you need to have a sit down talk with them and if they don’t go back to original agreement you need to look for something else.

I do live in a condo with the family & it hasn’t been easy because they are getting separated. They told me like two months after I got here that they were getting separated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that below minimum wage? Why were you ok with that?
Regardless, I think you must know by now that whatever the mom tells you (forgets something conveniently, asks for favors bit by bit) they are 100% taking advantage of the fact that you seem non-confrontational and they think they can convince you to think this is a normal relationship.
The time to start looking for a new job is... yesterday.

I agreed to a weekly rate because back home that was super normal (I’m from the mainland) & 500$ a week seemed reasonable but being paid only 400$ a week on top of having to feed myself & constantly replace food, I don’t have a lot of money left over at all. I’ve been paid better by almost every other nanny job I’ve had - but I also logged my hours or was at least paid enough to not need to. The mom did not tell me that they wanted to pay me under the table until I got here - I was under the impression that they wanted to pay taxes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have left! Also, you need to verbally express your concerns and thoughts to them. What’s spoken it’s understood. If there’s no contract I’d not work for a family. You have to set boundaries of your work schedule. Any additional hours must be paid at the rate of time and a half. Also, $10 for a live-in nanny/housekeeper/house manager it’s INSANE!!!! And having to pay for parking once you buy transportation it’s ridiculous.
I hope you find another and better job that compensates you accordingly.

Thank you for your advice. I do think I will try to find better opportunities for myself. Thank you for the wishes, I hope you have a blessed 2022.

[Anonymous]

Yes your being taken advantage of. Them not paying taxes is a absolute NO for me. I’m not breaking any laws. Find something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't understand after reading your book why on earth you feel at all conflicted.

I don’t know - I’m conflicted. I don’t know why the length of my post is such an issue, I just wanted to get all of the information out there so my responses were adequate & I don’t really have anyone to express these things to.

I stopped reading after you said you were paid $10/hour. YES. YOU.ARE.BEING.USED. AND YOU ARE A FOOL FOR STAYING ON THIS JOB.,. I am not screaming but want your undivided attention.

Find another job that pays you properly. You are 21 and you experience is negligible and you have minimal education. Get an education so that you are marketable.
As of now you are only marketable as a babysitter but you are being paid as
a 12-year old mother's helper.

Your post is way too long. Keep it brief.

[Anonymous]

There are like a million red flags in your post. Yes you are being taken advantage of. Yes you need to quit and move out asap. Why did you move 12 hours away from everything familiar to you? Do you want to stay in this area? Hopefully you have some good references from your precious nannying positions, I wouldn’t count on a good reference from these people.

[Anonymous]

You're 21, yet you've got 5 years of experience of nannying, 2 as a live-in nanny, and experience teaching, tutoring and a summer youth canselour (summer camp counselor?). This doesn't add up. 5 years experience as a nanny puts you starting full time at 16, and your experience teaching and tutoring would be at 14-16? Bull.

On to the current situation: $10/hour is ridiculous, $15/hour is the minimum for beginning live-in nannies. You shouldn't be purchasing *any* food to consume at the house with your money, as the family should be providing full board. If a vehicle doesn't have gas, they either need to provide a means to gas it up, or they can arrange to have it done on a different day.

A house manager is *not* a housekeeper. Housekeeping is reasonable if you agreed to it, but they should be reasonable about it; housekeeping includes dishes, laundry, etc. A house manager does errands, sets up and supervises household employees and contractors, arranges and takes vehicles for maintenance, etc.