Nanny is overstepping the boundary.

[Anonymous]

I submitted this anonymously to a Reddit post so it may sound familiar if you’re on Reddit.


Nanny has been doing things that I fee are overstepping boundaries

- She has been slipping her items into our dry cleaning bags. The house manager told me that the nanny has been putting in about 10 items each week. I didn’t know about this.

- She regularly has friends over, which is fine, I told her she can since she is a live in. Unfortunately, she doesn’t host them in her private apartment (apt is our converted carriage house and has a living room, dining area, etc. In total, it is about 2000 sqft of living space). She hosts them in our living and dining rooms. Also, she will allow them to eat and drink things from our kitchen. Last night they drank $700 worth of wine and ate a lot of frozen items that I intended to serve at a gathering this week.

There are other things but these are most egregious to me. What would you say to her?? I am very conflict averse. How do I approach this?

FWIW, she is great with the kids and we love her so I don’t want to upset her or fire her.


I’m on mobile so forgive my grammar!

[Anonymous]

Fire her. How is this a question?

[Anonymous]

It’s sound like a aupair behavior. When I was an aupair in Germany, my host mom allowed me to have friends over and we could have drinks and food in her house but I never had friends over +drinking and eating without her consent. $700 in wine? It’s out of the chart! Be honest with her. How she would feel if someone had done it in her house? It’s beyond disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s sound like a aupair behavior. When I was an aupair in Germany, my host mom allowed me to have friends over and we could have drinks and food in her house but I never had friends over +drinking and eating without her consent. $700 in wine? It’s out of the chart! Be honest with her. How she would feel if someone had done it in her house? It’s beyond disrespectful.

What are you paying her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sound like a aupair behavior. When I was an aupair in Germany, my host mom allowed me to have friends over and we could have drinks and food in her house but I never had friends over +drinking and eating without her consent. $700 in wine? It’s out of the chart! Be honest with her. How she would feel if someone had done it in her house? It’s beyond disrespectful.

What are you paying her?

I just gave an exemple that occurred when I was an aupair in Germany. I think it’s not ok to get anything without consent. Even if you’re not being paid what you worth. Go get another job but don’t behave like the nanny above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sound like a aupair behavior. When I was an aupair in Germany, my host mom allowed me to have friends over and we could have drinks and food in her house but I never had friends over +drinking and eating without her consent. $700 in wine? It’s out of the chart! Be honest with her. How she would feel if someone had done it in her house? It’s beyond disrespectful.

What are you paying her?

Op here, she makes about $40/hr, 2 kids. She works a 40hr week and anything over is $60/hr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sound like a aupair behavior. When I was an aupair in Germany, my host mom allowed me to have friends over and we could have drinks and food in her house but I never had friends over +drinking and eating without her consent. $700 in wine? It’s out of the chart! Be honest with her. How she would feel if someone had done it in her house? It’s beyond disrespectful.

What are you paying her?

Op here, she makes about $40/hr, 2 kids. She works a 40hr week and anything over is $60/hr

Can you hire me? I won’t drink your wine or eat your food! Lol

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP your Nanny is making a very high salary.
Most especially for a live-in.

Is this post even real??!

Okay I will bite.

>> Y-E-S, your Nanny is definitely overstepping boundaries here.
She should be hosting her own friends in her own place as well as feeding them in her OWN kitchen.

Even if she does not have a separate kitchen - it is rude of her (+ her company!) to raid your refrigerator/wine cabinet and eat you out of house and home!

You should speak to her stat.
You can do so w/o it being awkward if you just keep the convo short and sweet.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP your Nanny is making a very high salary.
Most especially for a live-in.

Is this post even real??!

Okay I will bite.

>> Y-E-S, your Nanny is definitely overstepping boundaries here.
She should be hosting her own friends in her own place as well as feeding them in her OWN kitchen.

Even if she does not have a separate kitchen - it is rude of her (+ her company!) to raid your refrigerator/wine cabinet and eat you out of house and home!

You should speak to her stat.
You can do so w/o it being awkward if you just keep the convo short and sweet.

Good luck!!

Not likely.

However, given the nature of the supposed offenses she should be fired. Have the "house manager" start the hiring process for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

You can't manage people effectively if you're conflict adverse. Just tell her "Hey, we noticed some things we want to talk with you about. You're responsible for your own drycleaning. And you are welcome to entertain friends in the carriage house, but you have to host them with your own food and drinks. We don't want to feel you're taking advantage of us. We'll look forward to you making these changes effective immediately."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP your Nanny is making a very high salary.
Most especially for a live-in.

Is this post even real??!

Okay I will bite.

>> Y-E-S, your Nanny is definitely overstepping boundaries here.
She should be hosting her own friends in her own place as well as feeding them in her OWN kitchen.

Even if she does not have a separate kitchen - it is rude of her (+ her company!) to raid your refrigerator/wine cabinet and eat you out of house and home!

You should speak to her stat.
You can do so w/o it being awkward if you just keep the convo short and sweet.

Good luck!!

Not likely.

However, given the nature of the supposed offenses she should be fired. Have the "house manager" start the hiring process for a new nanny.

No way this is real. OP has a 2,000 sq ft carriage house? And is asking when to do when a nanny drinks 400$ of wine?

Stupid troll.

[Anonymous]

If you have a Nanny and a house manager you must be extremely wealthy. Not sure why you are worried about her putting stuff in with your dry cleaning. If she has friends over with kids while she is working why wouldn’t she be in the main house? If she’s not working just tell her that you would prefer she entertain in her own quarters when not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. How is this a question?

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I submitted this anonymously to a Reddit post so it may sound familiar if you’re on Reddit.


Nanny has been doing things that I fee are overstepping boundaries

- She has been slipping her items into our dry cleaning bags. The house manager told me that the nanny has been putting in about 10 items each week. I didn’t know about this.

- She regularly has friends over, which is fine, I told her she can since she is a live in. Unfortunately, she doesn’t host them in her private apartment (apt is our converted carriage house and has a living room, dining area, etc. In total, it is about 2000 sqft of living space). She hosts them in our living and dining rooms. Also, she will allow them to eat and drink things from our kitchen. Last night they drank $700 worth of wine and ate a lot of frozen items that I intended to serve at a gathering this week.

There are other things but these are most egregious to me. What would you say to her?? I am very conflict averse. How do I approach this?

FWIW, she is great with the kids and we love her so I don’t want to upset her or fire her.


I’m on mobile so forgive my grammar!

I would give her a chance to fess up and repay. I would not dismiss the possibility of jealousy on part of house manager. She could be lying. I believe that everyone has the right to face their accuser because people lie for a lot of reasons.