Au Pair Hanging Out in Home - Normal or Maybe Loneliness?
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Anonymous
| Looking for experiences from experienced au pair families (this is our first): our au pair is about 6 months in, with 6 months to go. Lately she has been really “hanging out” all around the house in her off hours - working on her computer at our kitchen table (she has a desk in her room), watching movies on her iPad on our couch in the living room, just… hanging out around the house. Even writing this feels silly - I absolutely don’t mind, it’s her home for the next 6 months - but I’m wondering if this is normal? Even I don’t hang out in my house as much as she does! Once kids are in bed and my chores are done, I usually head to my room to work/watch tv. She used to retire to her bedroom after work… I’m worried she’s lonely or something. Not sure how to bring it up as it’s not a problem for me per se but I want to make sure she’s ok! Is this normal au pair behavior? |
Anonymous
| OP again because I don’t know if I’m expressing myself. I think her behavior would be normal if she was a roommate or my daughter, but a bit strange if she was a guest in my home. I guess I am wondering where the line is for an au pair. Thank you! |
Anonymous
| Yes it can be normal. With Covid, how is that a bad thing? |
Anonymous
+1. Maybe she just isn't interested in getting a potentially fatal disease and passing it on to your kids? |
Anonymous
| I think this is actually a good sign that she is comfortable in your home - don't look a gift horse in the mouth! |
Anonymous
|
OP, it's normal. It's also completely individual-dependent. My previous ap disappeared into her room as soon as her shift ended. We often didn't see her much on weekends b/c she'd be sleeping in, on zoom calls with friends, or taking online classes. Overall she was a very independent person.
Our current ap likes to hang around the main living area. She'd work on her laptop in the livingroom while dinner is simmering on the stove. She's more the daughter type, who likes to hang out with us on weekends and do family activities together. Either type works for us. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she's a homebody. I am. I love when I can spend the entire day at home, puttering around. |
Anonymous
| She sounds lonely. Who wants to spend all of their time in their bedroom? |
Anonymous
| This wasn’t me at 6 months. |
Anonymous
| Is your au pair going out at all? Any friends? Do you have restrictions or have you expressed concern about her bringing COVID home? |
Anonymous
| I think this mom is worried about her; but no in the way Ap is feeling lonely or sad. My opinion is that Mom is a little more worried because Ap is crossing the line and maybe this mom likes to have more privacy and her own time only with her family on wknds or when Ap is off of work. |
Anonymous
|
Op here. Thanks all for the thoughts! I don’t have a problem with her hanging around the house, but I agree with the pp that the reason I even notice it is because it’s different from me. I’m still learning how to host someone in his capacity and obviously no au pair is going to be exactly like her host mom. I definitely need to remember it IS her house for the next 6 months.
Definitely not a covid related thing imposed by us - we encourage her to be social. Though I think covid in general impacts her ability to be out and about (as it limits all of us), as does her recent break up from her bf. Reading these comments, I actually think she’s trying to “be seen” if that makes sense. Hopefully my husband and I can do a better job of making her feel seen and hopefully she will make some good friends soon. Thanks all. |
Anonymous
|
Experiences AP mom here. 10 years. This is now common. Gone are they says they actually seek out cultural enrichment or to see the US. Instead they get a few good Insta pics of them having fun in the US and then talk to their old friends all night.
Exceptions are APs with a strong presence here. Eg. Brazil. |
Anonymous
| +1 |