Au Pair who Cannot Drive Wants to Extend

[Anonymous]

We are a first-time host family, and our au pair is a dream to live with - we mesh really well. She is good with the small kids. She respects the few rules we have. She only works about 20 hours a week, does not cook, and has every weekend off - so I think she likes the situation as well. But, she cannot drive. She said she could, but even after many lessons it is not hopeful, and we decided to not pursue her local license. We have found a way to drive our 5 kids to and from activities while she sits at home. She only provides childcare for the 2 elementary-aged kids, but it would be nice to have an extra driver of the teens for activities especially with my overnight travel for work resuming.

So, for those families with experience hosting, is it worth risking a good lifestyle match for an au pair who can drive and alleviate the taxi service burden?

[Anonymous]

You're asking a question that only you can answer.

Is it worth keeping an au pair who only works 20 hours a week and cannot drive?

Or would you rather roll the dice on fit with a new au pair who can potentially meet ALL of your needs (childcare and taxi service)?

Of course your au pair wants to stay with you. She recognizes that she has a good deal going... only 20 hours a week despite 5 children and no weekends?

[Anonymous]

I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the pp that only you can answer this. In my case, my au pair is not a great driver. But she’s “good enough.” I limit her driving of the kids to only when necessary. but she is free to take the car as much as she likes for her own use. This works for me, because I know I can have her drive in a pinch. An au pair who could not drive at all would be a deal breaker to me.

She has a really good thing going with you. I’m not surprised she wants to extend with ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

OP here, our insurance requires us to pay for all licensed drivers in our household. So, we would be uninclined to support her getting a local license especially since we would not allow her to drive our kids. After 12 hours of private lessons (when she said she could drive during match phase), the instructor said he would not endorse her driving.

I think we would be a good choice for an in-country au pair to extend, but maybe I am just optimistic.

[Anonymous]

I think you know the answer is you should not extend. Rip off the band aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

OP here, our insurance requires us to pay for all licensed drivers in our household. So, we would be uninclined to support her getting a local license especially since we would not allow her to drive our kids. After 12 hours of private lessons (when she said she could drive during match phase), the instructor said he would not endorse her driving.

I think we would be a good choice for an in-country au pair to extend, but maybe I am just optimistic.

Again, you cannot legally block an AP from getting a local license - it is her right legally to have local ID and you would be improperly cutting her off from local services (pool, library, municipal gym, etc.) so extra creepy. Also, since she has an international drivers license you are required to cover her anyway - most policies require all adults with any license anywhere to be covered. Sounds like hosting might not be for you generally…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

OP here, our insurance requires us to pay for all licensed drivers in our household. So, we would be uninclined to support her getting a local license especially since we would not allow her to drive our kids. After 12 hours of private lessons (when she said she could drive during match phase), the instructor said he would not endorse her driving.

I think we would be a good choice for an in-country au pair to extend, but maybe I am just optimistic.

Again, you cannot legally block an AP from getting a local license - it is her right legally to have local ID and you would be improperly cutting her off from local services (pool, library, municipal gym, etc.) so extra creepy. Also, since she has an international drivers license you are required to cover her anyway - most policies require all adults with any license anywhere to be covered. Sounds like hosting might not be for you generally…

She has a state issued ID, not a driver's license. Never said she could not get an ID, actually went above and beyond to get her a social security card in the midst of Covid to get that ID. Also got her a bank account within a week of being here. Our insurance, because Virginia does not recognize an international license after 6 months, does not consider her a driver. Not sure why you had to get so salty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

OP here, our insurance requires us to pay for all licensed drivers in our household. So, we would be uninclined to support her getting a local license especially since we would not allow her to drive our kids. After 12 hours of private lessons (when she said she could drive during match phase), the instructor said he would not endorse her driving.

I think we would be a good choice for an in-country au pair to extend, but maybe I am just optimistic.

Again, you cannot legally block an AP from getting a local license - it is her right legally to have local ID and you would be improperly cutting her off from local services (pool, library, municipal gym, etc.) so extra creepy. Also, since she has an international drivers license you are required to cover her anyway - most policies require all adults with any license anywhere to be covered. Sounds like hosting might not be for you generally…

She has a state issued ID, not a driver's license. Never said she could not get an ID, actually went above and beyond to get her a social security card in the midst of Covid to get that ID. Also got her a bank account within a week of being here. Our insurance, because Virginia does not recognize an international license after 6 months, does not consider her a driver. Not sure why you had to get so salty.

B/c you cannot block her from getting a driver’s license, either. Hella-creepy.

[Anonymous]

These are trade offs that only you can make.

In our first year hosting, we emphasized driving and had one who got her license within 3 months of arriving. It was helpful, but not critical, and she also only worked 20 hours a week. Mostly she got the license so she could use the car to get to her class or meet up with her friends. Our 2nd one came to us right at the beginning of covid and she was a homebody, which worked out for us b/c we didn't want her to be out and about during the pandemic.

Now we're on our 3rd ap and we realize we could live without a driver. The most important thing to us is compatibility as housemates. That's harder to find than a decent driver, in my opinion. Having gone through the search and match process recently, I'd say the picking is pretty slim for a good in country ap. In your shoes I'd extend with her, but with the understanding that she'd work some weekend hours just so you get a break.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids, and not driving is a deal breaker to us.
We need our Au Pair to make our lives easier.

[Anonymous]

We just extended with our non-driver. She is a great AP and easy to live with. But, we live pretty close to the metro and, while not the most convenient, both the schools our kids go to are reachable by metro. In a pinch, she could do pick up or drop off. Not all activities are metro accessible, but we can make it work. She works after school and evenings every weekday and we do have her work one weekend day every other week. She has a good deal and she knows it. If I needed a driver, I wouldn’t have extended.

BTW, we are on our sixth au pair and not one of them has gotten a local license. We stress in matching that we will not require driving and have lots of interest. Driving is very stressful for many au pairs. It helps that we have easy access to public transportation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not host an AP who cannot drive - one toddler with preK in (long) walking distance. It is too important to us that she get the kid out of the house as much as possible - and ferry her to activities/appointments when we cannot. Having been in nanny shares with nannies who don't drive, we would never do it again. We screen heavily for APs who can drive, as a result. It is hard now that you are attached to her - and presumably that the kids are attached to her - but if she is not get better after lessons and is not interested in getting a local license (which is her decision - and never the HF's decision, btw) I think you have to pass her on to someone who does not need a driver.

OP here, our insurance requires us to pay for all licensed drivers in our household. So, we would be uninclined to support her getting a local license especially since we would not allow her to drive our kids. After 12 hours of private lessons (when she said she could drive during match phase), the instructor said he would not endorse her driving.

I think we would be a good choice for an in-country au pair to extend, but maybe I am just optimistic.

Again, you cannot legally block an AP from getting a local license - it is her right legally to have local ID and you would be improperly cutting her off from local services (pool, library, municipal gym, etc.) so extra creepy. Also, since she has an international drivers license you are required to cover her anyway - most policies require all adults with any license anywhere to be covered. Sounds like hosting might not be for you generally…

She has a state issued ID, not a driver's license. Never said she could not get an ID, actually went above and beyond to get her a social security card in the midst of Covid to get that ID. Also got her a bank account within a week of being here. Our insurance, because Virginia does not recognize an international license after 6 months, does not consider her a driver. Not sure why you had to get so salty.

B/c you cannot block her from getting a driver’s license, either. Hella-creepy.

"Uninclined to support" doesn't mean they're blocking her from getting a driver's license. They're not required to pay for additional driving lessons (more than they already have), license fees, give her a ride to the test, etc. If the au pair wants a local license so badly, she's a grown adult and can figure out what she needs to do to get one. No one is "blocking" her from anything.

[Anonymous]

OP here, this has been very helpful - thank you.