Started a new job, and I am dealing with an overbearing grandmother
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Anonymous
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I started a new job, and I am dealing with an overbearing grandmother. My job isn't the typical nanny position because I bring my child, and the family will bring their son to my apartment most of the day. I will begin at their house and leave an hour later. We live in the same apartment building. We both have 1-year-olds, and it seems like the perfect arrangement. Anyway, I'm dealing with an overbearing grandmother. She will be leaving the country soon. I am not entirely sure when, but most likely mid-July or the end of July. Anyway, she comes to my apartment because we felt this would help their baby transition better. Today she mentioned I seemed tired and also gave me unsolicited advice about adding on to my family. She said I wouldn't have enough energy to have more children. I have two children now. Honestly, I think she's right about me having more children, but that's just bad manners. I took it as she thinks I don't have enough energy to keep up with two toddlers. She continues to voice her concerns about the toddlers hurting each other, and she's concerned that I can't handle them. I think she dramatic. She turns off my AC because she's hot and talks on the phone most of the day in a language I cannot understand. I hear my baby's name in the conversation, so I feel like she's talking about me. Talk about being uncomfortable in your own home, Lol. Of course, I am low energy because I entertain her all day. I think I am going to suck it up, but I wonder how
I should bring up anything to the mom. I turned down a preschool teaching position for this position. I have another non-nanny job I am considering. I don't want to make it about the mom's bad manners s though. Any advice? Please note this is mainly a rant. Only you all can understand how weird these positions can get. |
Anonymous
| I sent a message to the mom and explained that her mom is a good grandmother and worries about the baby. I assured her I could keep the baby safe, and I explained that I am happy taking care of him. I will see how she reacts. |
Anonymous
| Get out as this will never end. |
Anonymous
I think I will take unpaid time off if and when Grandma comes back. My husband has an excellent job. I am working for extra money. The grandma lives abroad. I asked the mom if she will have extended visits like six months, and she said no. |
Anonymous
OP here. I will see how the mom responds. What happens if she doesn't say anything about my message? It's a possibility because she hasn't been the best regarding communication. Perhaps it's because English isn't her first language. Would this be a concern? |
Anonymous
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No idea why you are having all these kind of issues in your own house. If it was only the "transition" for the baby why she keep going to your house. Usually a transition it can last only "a couple of hours" or "a day" . That would be enough. No need that the grandma is there with the baby more than 2 days.
When she get there with her grandson just say "" ok" no worries. I know your cute baby will be great today. He will be so excited to see you when you come back to pick him up later. See then and enjoy your day". That's not hard to say at all. |
Anonymous
OP here: They're doing it super slow. Grandma wants to spend every second with him. It's cultural for sure. |
Anonymous
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Smile and say nothing. Seriously do not engage or even respond - it just feeds people like that. Just smile and get involved with the kids. Compliment her grandchild and she’ll think you’re the greatest. She will be gone soon.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, OP. But it really does sound like a great job otherwise. |
Anonymous
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I would feel micromanaged as well.
Plus you should not be made to feel uncomfortable in YOUR own home. I think it is great that you reached out to the Mother already. Hopefully she will get back to you & the two of you can discuss this further. If the Mother does not respond nor addresses the issue w/you later on - then I would consider approaching her directly + ask if you can discuss things w/her. Do you think you can just suck this up for a few weeks longer? Then Grandmother will be out of the picture. Or is she planning on returning sometime into the future?? |
Anonymous
Op here. The mom got back to me and said she knows it’s tough, and she says she knows I am working hard. My husband is from a similar culture. So I know a little more about what I am getting myself into, but I will be at my house most of the time. I do think she will return in the future, but I don’t think she will stay for 6 months at a time. She wants to go back abroad because she’s happier there. I’ll toughen up because otherwise, it’s a great position. |
Anonymous
| She's leaving. Just wait until she leaves.. If she comes back, the baby won't need to "transition" because it'll already have happened. |
Anonymous
| Is the grandma from India? (I ask as a South Asian American) |
Anonymous
OP here. No, but very close to India. The rest of the week was more manageable. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Ah, Grandma has said the baby needs a month to transition, so I think she's planning on staying here for another month. I am feeling micromanaged. I think I am going to tell the mom she can contact me after her mom leaves and see if I am still available. |
Anonymous
I’m sorry, OP. You really can’t stick it out for another month? It sounds like such a great set-up for winter especially. |