Au Pair is a Cryer RSS feed

Anonymous
We have a nice au pair who is easy to be with and does a good job. Problem is, she is a crier. She cries about everything, from the real to the absurd. She cries if a friend isn’t as nice to her as she would like, she cries if a cousin back home loses her job, she cried because my sister in law seemed harsh to her while stressfully cooking thanksgiving dinner, she cries every time she gets into a phone tiff with a relative back home, she literally cries every other day. We have considered having a jar where we put a quarter every time she cries. So far we just act sympathetically and look the other way. She has been here about 7 months. Should we speak up? We are sweet but not criers, and the crying is a bit of a buzz kill and anti-positive energy in the house. Should we say or do something? She is a nice person and we don’t want to make it worse.
Anonymous
Ummmm no don’t say anything. Wait it out and get a new au pair when her year is up. You can look back on this quirky situation with your kids and husband in a few years
Anonymous
Continue to ignore her. Don't even be sympathetic. Maybe one day, she'll grow up. Or maybe she's used to everyone falling all over her to give her what she wants, so she's continued this long.
Anonymous
You are a horrible person. Your poor AP. Your poor children.
Anonymous
This is such a troll post. No one would actually be complaining about an AP crying these days. Please don’t feed the trolls.
Anonymous
I'm a cryer. I tear up at everything. It started after 9/11. I hate it, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm sensitive and perceptive as hell. For me, I'm fine with people ignoring my crying completely.

If there's an issue I'm crying about you can just address that directly. "I'm so sorry to hear your cousin lost her job." "My sister was feeling stressed about having all the food ready on time, but she wasn't actually angry at you." "It's frustrating to have miscommunications with friends isn't it?"
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This is such a troll post. No one would actually be complaining about an AP crying these days. Please don’t feed the trolls.


She did not just start crying. Read the post.

Yes, I would find that annoying and immature. She sounds unstable. It would be misery bring locked down with this girl.
Anonymous
Is she getting enough sleep?

There's nothing you can do. Crying is a mostly involuntary reflex (which you can try to suppress but you can't stop the reflex from being triggered, like gagging). Some people just cry a lot more. You can tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to try to go to her room. When she needs to cry. She should know that though- crying as an adult is like farting in public- you should slip into a bathroom before it happens. See if she tries to be a little more private and if not, it is very attention seeking behavior. I couldn't live with someone who cried every other day, personally, that would be too intense. Crying is the female version of yelling and pounding your fists. I would rematch.
Anonymous
That’s weird
She might just be very homesick and sensitive
Or she’s a spoiled brat and this is her way of people showering her with love like pp said haha
I’d just ironies it, at first I thought she’s with you for two weeks, but you’re saying 7 months? I think she’s more of a spoiled brat
Anonymous
What are the triggers? for example does she just come to the living room crying or is it when you ask a question such as "how are you?", "how is it going" etc. I will just avoid asking any question. If she just start crying out of now where, you can say something like "Lala I see that you are really stressed out right now, can we talk later when you are a bit calmer".
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Is she getting enough sleep?

There's nothing you can do. Crying is a mostly involuntary reflex (which you can try to suppress but you can't stop the reflex from being triggered, like gagging). Some people just cry a lot more. You can tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to try to go to her room. When she needs to cry. She should know that though- crying as an adult is like farting in public- you should slip into a bathroom before it happens. See if she tries to be a little more private and if not, it is very attention seeking behavior. I couldn't live with someone who cried every other day, personally, that would be too intense. Crying is the female version of yelling and pounding your fists. I would rematch.


Ok, Cruella!
Anonymous
I used to almost never cry and after having my first child 10 years ago the floodgates opened. I cry at commercials, when other people are crying, when I hear or read something sad or even really happy, sometimes at music. I can’t help it. It’s not sobbing though. Just tearing up and the sometimes the tears slip down my cheeks. Does she sob or is it more like silent tears? If it’s loud dramatic crying, I’d pull her aside when she’s not crying and just say that you’ve noticed she’s really sensitive and it’s best to sob it out in her room. If it’s just quiet tears, best to ignore it. That may be how she processes her emotions.
Anonymous
She seems to be a very sensitive person and must cry bcs she miss her Family. Probably she is not happy with there with you. If she really liked the Family and enjoyed the company; won't be crying all the time even with small things. She needs to be happy and probably coming as an AP program it was not for her; as she was not ready to leave her Family. Woww it's been 7 months? On the other hand; if you saw this since the beginning you should have rematch already as I understand it can feel weird and sad watching a person crying all the time and mainly in front of the kids. Nobody like to be in a sad, stressful environment.
Anonymous
She is alone, living with employers and maybe away from home for the first time ever. Also caring for children all day. It’s stressful!

Have some compassion. She isn’t a caregiving robot.
Anonymous
OP - after 7 months and not saying anything earlier, I think now is NOT the time to comment on this - we are all feeling extra emotions (whether they be worry, stress, frustraton etc) with the current situation and being in close quarters. I think you should just power through and give compassion when needed. If she is going well is the childcare, let this go.
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