Need advice about 24 hour baby nurse

[Anonymous]

I live in NYC (= apartment living) and am expecting LO#2 any day now. Great timing, eh? We had hired a night nurse in advance, but in light of the coronavirus, she offered and we agreed to have her be with us 24 hours so to minimize risk. We live in a 1400 sf apartment so not exactly a palace. As with a flatmate, what kind of "house rules" or requests could we reasonably ask for that would help everyone feel more comfortable? In reading my thoughts/questions below, please keep in mind that I am an introvert who is not used to or comfortable with house guests, let alone someone I barely know. I know the immediate response is then "don't get a nurse, watch your baby yourself!" and I did with our older DS and totally would this time, but for the fact that I've developed some pretty bad sleep issues since then and can't be a proper mom to either DS or this baby without some night help. Having said all that, here are my thoughts:

Ask nurse to take her meals at set times, just like many employees get a set lunch hour. This way, I know when she will be in the kitchen/dining space and will meal prep outside of those times as our kitchen is too small for two people to cook at the same time.

We eat at the kitchen counter and it's honestly a little too cozy for us to have another diner. I don't mind if she were to eat with us on occasion, just not most of the time. Should I just make it black and white, no meals together, so there's no awkwardness? And how do I suggest this??

The nurse will sleep with the baby in our older DS's bedroom and have almost exclusive use of it, i.e., no one will hang out in there, but we will need to access it from time to time to get DS's clothes and books. Can I ask her to take her breaks in there and not in the main living area? Should I give her a "do not disturb" door hanger so we know when it's not okay for us to go in?

***Any other suggestions?***

Separate issue - we are responsible for our nurse's meals and I am a little concerned about this because of the coronavirus situation. We are trying not to grocery shop in person more than once every two weeks and because our fridge is not big, we are limited in how much perishables we can buy and have to ration certain ones so they won't run out before our next trip. For instance, we don't have space for two weeks' worth of meat so we've been supplementing with shelf stable alternatives such as canned fish and spam, I'll leave say eggs out of certain dishes so we'll have enough for two weeks, I made fruit salad instead of tomato salad tonight so we have tomatoes tomorrow, etc. Having another adult mouth to feed in this situation is daunting. I think the ideal thing in this situation is for me to cook enough for the nurse, which I would be happy to do, but I don't see myself cooking much after the baby is born. But we don't have the fridge/freezer space for someone to make their own meals separate from everyone else's. How do I deal with this? I am going to ask the nurse for her grocery list, should I tell her she can ask for as many shelf-stable ingredients as she wants, but needs to limit her perishables, as we are doing? She is welcome to order delivery, which would help this issue somewhat, but she has told me that she prefers to eat home-cooked meals.

I'm not an utter b****, just a nearly due mom trying to deal adapt to current circumstances like everyone else!

[Anonymous]

I’m a Newborn Care Specialist and I frequently do 24 hr care for families, many in NYC and DC apartments. Trust me that any professional NCS knows her place and will be more than happy to accommodate your requests. We do not want to intrude on your family bonding time or personal space any more than you need for us to reasonably support you.

Have an open ended conversation with her about your needs for space and privacy. She has likely come across this before and may have these practices already in place.

As far as food goes, that’s also something I’d talk with her about. In normal conditions, I usually get a food budget and will order my personal items and share in the family staples. As these are extenuating circumstances, I think you should just be honest about your family’s rations and how she would feel most comfortable with your plan and storage limitations.

This is uncharted territory for all of us, OP. You are under tremendous stress with being pregnant right now. Allow her to take some of the stress of you- not be a source of more. Open communication goes a long way to keeping everyone happy. I hope everything goes smoothly for you. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breathe, OP.

You shouldn’t set any rules. A baby nurse will be up when the baby is up and sleep when the baby sleeps. She’ll take her meals when your baby is asleep so no need to set times or schedules. I’m sure she’s done this before and can instruct you on protocol.

Start having groceries delivered.

It will work out just fine. Stop fretting.

[Anonymous]

You make no rules. You just be grateful that she has agreed to be there on a 24 hour shift. Why can't your DH take care of one kid while you DH take care of other?

[Anonymous]

Yes you feed her and treat her well. You sound exhausting. IF she's working 24/7, at least provide fridge space but she'll have to go out to buy food. Rich people problems.

[Anonymous]

If you're going to let someone live with you, you have to let them LIVE with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're going to let someone live with you, you have to let them LIVE with you.

+1, you provide food, make it comfortable for her, give her the bedroom and move out the stuff in there, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're going to let someone live with you, you have to let them LIVE with you.

I think you should offer to let her eat with you personally. Its ok to let go of the rules for a while. You may normally eat at the counter but if she eats on the couch or you take turns standing to eat, I think this is more hospitable than you all eating while she hangs out in her bedroom alone. I think thats rude.

[Anonymous]

Live-in nanny here, experienced with introvert parents.

Explain that you’re an introvert. Don’t start setting any rules, just see what she comes up with. I’d bet that she has creative ideas.

Also, move to grocery delivery. Nobody should go out after the baby arrives. It also solves the space issues.

Is she working 24/7 (sleeping when baby sleeps) or just working nights (awake nights and sleeping days)? If she’s working nights, you need to mod anything you’ll need during the day out of the room so she can sleep undisturbed. However, if she’s sharing the room with the baby and sleeps when they do, you won’t need to get anything while they’re sleeping.

[Anonymous]

This comes under cosmetic surgery and is not a necessity and should not be allowed. If you can't take Care of your children then you should not have had them.

[Anonymous]

Another NCS here and she will have dealt with a lot of this before. Call her and tell her your worries and ask how she would prefer to deal. I know this all feels like “super unique crazy pandemic” stuff but honestly it is all pretty typical NCS stuff, so just tell her what you’re thinking and if she is a professional she will 100% be ready and willing to talk you through some options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This comes under cosmetic surgery and is not a necessity and should not be allowed. If you can't take Care of your children then you should not have had them.

Are you drunk? WTH does hiring a 24/7 NCS have to do with cosmetic surgery??

OP, I agree with the sane posters that you can work out details by being honest and discussing your specific needs. Congratulations on your pregnancy!