Onboarding a Brazilian Au Pair

[Anonymous]

My aupair arrived about 3 weeks ago from Brazil. She is well educated, has a college degree and 26. Onboarding is going very tough for me. There is a huge language barrier which I’m sure will improve (already improving) but I am shocked how little knowledge she has about daily practical - just simple things. Im a full time working mom and feel so exhausted already. I’m doing my best to keep it together but without going further into details, can you share your onboarding experiences? Is it this hard often times? Explaining every little thing over and over - and showing every single thing over and over. It really feels as though she arrived from another planet and Im not sure how to handle this. My other au pair was Brazilian too and stayed 2 years with us. Onboarding was easy. We miss her.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I had the exact same experience with my Brazilian AP. It was mostly a language issue, her English was really bad and still is. It took maybe 5-6 weeks to start thinking this might work. I am glad we were patient, she is a great au pair and I just asked her to extend. I think what kept me going was that I could see that her heart was in the right place and she was trying really hard.

[Anonymous]

Well it's not that she's Brazilian, it's that she's from a country with very different ways of doing things we take for granted.

Some APs can just pick it up faster, others are slower and some just never get it.

You can continue to explain things a lot but I think you need to challenge their mindset. They need to be proactive and able to think through some solutions to problems before coming to you, along with being flexible and eager to adopt change.

I have similar issues with my interns at work. Some of them just aren't easy to teach - so I try to teach them methodology along with individual tasks, so they become easier to teach. And I do the same with our APs.

[Anonymous]

i had a very tough time onboarding our current au pair and eventually had to literally write out the most basic of child care instructions. You could do the same with practical house stuff to. I find writing things out will give them something to refer back to and will help with the language barrier because they can look up what they don't understand.

In the end she is now doing great and the extra time was worth it.

[Anonymous]

A checklist where you go over everything and have her do it in front of you may help. But I've found with APs some things are just never done right. I never had a single AP who could clean up the art easel (they all just dumped items into the bins instead of putting markers back in the box, etc) or straighten toy boxes (how hard it is to put things back in boxes?) I did it but it frustrated me each time.

[Anonymous]

Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

It's tough to meet children you don't know and try to interact with them when the mom is standing next to you and watching you !
Can you understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

Why was the tv on? Having worked with families that explicitly stated that there should be no talking while the tv was on, I can understand if she grew up in that kind of family.

[Anonymous]

Try to think if it as building a relationship rather than onboarding something (it seems like such an impersonal term). Brazilian's are very warm and family oriented generally and most are eager to please and be helpful. Ask her how she thinks things are going. Ask her how she is feeling. Use a translation app if needed. Just take a deep breath and carve out some time to be with her. Once she is more comfortable she will be able to absorb more of what you are saying. Also, ask your LCC is she can get her together with another Brazilian AP who has been here longer - she will be able to explain a lot to your AP. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

It's tough to meet children you don't know and try to interact with them when the mom is standing next to you and watching you !
Can you understand that?

No I can’t really understand that for someone who comes here as an au pair. But yeah I see that the tv might had been distracting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

It's tough to meet children you don't know and try to interact with them when the mom is standing next to you and watching you !
Can you understand that?

Honey, that is part of the job. Don't like it, don't come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

It's tough to meet children you don't know and try to interact with them when the mom is standing next to you and watching you !
Can you understand that?

Honey, that is part of the job. Don't like it, don't come.

If you're a host mother, you must be a terrible one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our first AP was Brazilian, 24, and was in absolute culture shock for the first few months. It sadly did not improve and we rematched after a few months. There were tons of other issues but I definitely though she didn’t get it — at all. The first time I introduced her to the kids she sat on the couch with them and stared at the cartoon on the tv and did not interact. It was bad.

It's tough to meet children you don't know and try to interact with them when the mom is standing next to you and watching you !
Can you understand that?

Honey, that is part of the job. Don't like it, don't come.

If you're a host mother, you must be a terrible one.

I am, and I have had great relationships with our au pairs. Yes, it is challenging. I've lived and worked abroad myself. But guess what? That's what I signed up for. Watching kids is bread and butter of an ap gig, along with the cultural experience. But an AP is expected to take these challenges head on.

[Anonymous]

Yes I’m the pp with the Brazilian au pair with severe culture shock. I get it, only to an extent. When she got here, she was much more interesting in finding and experimenting with cooking American foods (a lot of which went to waste because she didn’t know how to cook) than meeting the kids. She just wasn’t good with the kids and I’ll leave it at that. I can take a lot of things but not being interested in or good with the kids is a problem. We have an aunpair with us for two years now who is very good with the kids and she also has ample time and support from our family to experience life in America. Anyway we are quitting the program and going after care so I will stop replying in this forum!