Red flags that you wish you’d seen early on with either a nanny or employer.

[Anonymous]

When things went wrong after any length of time, we’re there red flags you’d wish you took seriously at the beginning?

[Anonymous]

No but the opposite. Our beloved and wonderful nanny had one bad reference out of four - the three others were glowing. Everyone told me it was a red flag but I followed my gut and hired her. She’s been with us for two years and we absolutely adore her.

[Anonymous]

I noticed a red flag during an interview - my dog did not like the prospective nanny right away when meeting her.

We did not hire her. We hired someone else, who would often lay on the floor petting our dog while our baby was napping.

[Anonymous]

My employers seemed lovely and sane during the interview process. Shortly after starting work, the mother had a huge fight with her mother and cut her off for awhile. Then she had a fight with her husband regarding his mother and told me she was divorcing him. She had near constant fights with her MIL always wishing death upon her MIL. And fired an employee at her work for being short with her and questioning her.

I should have seen it coming... after three years, she turned on me in the course of a few days and I was fired and cut out completely.

Classic idealization then devaluation. I should have listened to my gut at the first fight with her own mother. I knew then she wasn’t stable. But honestly, I was too lazy and too tired to start the interview process at that point.

[Anonymous]

Nanny was late for our first interview, late for the second, and we hired her anyway. Stupid. Guess what? She was consulate for work. Thank

[Anonymous]

1. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being “mean” to them. Clarified (still during interview) to mean that the nanny told the parent that they needed to make sure their was food in the house or authorize restaurant food for dinner. Parent did admit that there was no food for kids’ dinner...

2. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being mean to kids. Following up on that, they don’t modify the kids’ behavior at all, but the nanny had tried to stop one child hurting the other. Yeah, no...

I go into an interview expecting it to last 1-2 hours. With a mental checklist, I ask questions until I feel like I know enough about the family to think it could last for at least a year, without issues. If a family doesn’t want to answer questions or the answers don’t match what I think could work long-term, I move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being “mean” to them. Clarified (still during interview) to mean that the nanny told the parent that they needed to make sure their was food in the house or authorize restaurant food for dinner. Parent did admit that there was no food for kids’ dinner...

2. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being mean to kids. Following up on that, they don’t modify the kids’ behavior at all, but the nanny had tried to stop one child hurting the other. Yeah, no...

I go into an interview expecting it to last 1-2 hours. With a mental checklist, I ask questions until I feel like I know enough about the family to think it could last for at least a year, without issues. If a family doesn’t want to answer questions or the answers don’t match what I think could work long-term, I move on.

What are the kinds of questions you ask families during an interview?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No but the opposite. Our beloved and wonderful nanny had one bad reference out of four - the three others were glowing. Everyone told me it was a red flag but I followed my gut and hired her. She’s been with us for two years and we absolutely adore her.

Good for you!

[Anonymous]

I once interviewed with a mother who needed weekend help but wouldn’t give me an end time. She said she wanted to pay me a flat rate and would “release” me when my day was done.

Honest to God, I nearly laughed out loud. Needless to say, I declined her job offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed a red flag during an interview - my dog did not like the prospective nanny right away when meeting her.

We did not hire her. We hired someone else, who would often lay on the floor petting our dog while our baby was napping.

So funny you said this!!! My employers dog who doesn’t like anyone jumped on me in the interview and kicked me. 9 years later, I’m still with the job.

[Anonymous]

i meant licked... not kicked!!

[Anonymous]

*see the thread about employers making new nanny sign a contract (with court threats) if nanny doesn’t stay for eight months.

Huge red flag!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*see the thread about employers making new nanny sign a contract (with court threats) if nanny doesn’t stay for eight months.

Huge red flag!

Oh boy, your reading comprehension would be a huge red flag for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being “mean” to them. Clarified (still during interview) to mean that the nanny told the parent that they needed to make sure their was food in the house or authorize restaurant food for dinner. Parent did admit that there was no food for kids’ dinner...

2. Parent said that they fired the last nanny for being mean to kids. Following up on that, they don’t modify the kids’ behavior at all, but the nanny had tried to stop one child hurting the other. Yeah, no...

I go into an interview expecting it to last 1-2 hours. With a mental checklist, I ask questions until I feel like I know enough about the family to think it could last for at least a year, without issues. If a family doesn’t want to answer questions or the answers don’t match what I think could work long-term, I move on.

What are the kinds of questions you ask families during an interview?

How many nannies have they had? Can I speak to anyone?
Why did the last nanny leave? If she’s still there, has she been told that they’re looking for someone? Why are they letting her go?
How do they view nutrition and meals? How much cooking will the nanny do? Boxes, recipes, etc.
How do they feel about playdates? Frequency, duration, reciprocity, age, number of kids, etc.
Are they interested in activities or outings? What type? How much per session? How far? Group size? Expected interaction between kids, kid-adult, etc.
Which tasks do they want done (anything that isn’t direct childcare)? How often? How picky are they about how it’s done?
Are they paying in or off books? How often? What method? What are the benefits?
Are they willing to do a contract?

That’s a partial list. You get the picture though. Whatever they don’t volunteer, I ask. I have a list on my computer, and no, I’m not sharing my whole list. It should be individual for every family and every nanny. You should ask about what important to YOU, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My employers seemed lovely and sane during the interview process. Shortly after starting work, the mother had a huge fight with her mother and cut her off for awhile. Then she had a fight with her husband regarding his mother and told me she was divorcing him. She had near constant fights with her MIL always wishing death upon her MIL. And fired an employee at her work for being short with her and questioning her.

I should have seen it coming... after three years, she turned on me in the course of a few days and I was fired and cut out completely.

Classic idealization then devaluation. I should have listened to my gut at the first fight with her own mother. I knew then she wasn’t stable. But honestly, I was too lazy and too tired to start the interview process at that point.

When people show you who they are - believe them. The biggest mistake is thinking that person would never do the same to you.

I learned this the hard way too but with a friend.