Traveling with AP

[Anonymous]

We are planing a family trip around Christmas with AP. It is not a "fun" trip but more of a family trip. So she will be a bit bored but we need someone to watch the kids from time to time (mostly in the afternoon when we are out and about) and also we don't want to leave her alone for Christmas. How does this work? Do I just tell her we are traveling for Christmas and she needs to come with us? does she have the option to say no?
I am aware that I need to provide a separate room for her, anything else I need to be aware of?

TIA

[Anonymous]

Let her know ahead of time you are taking her.
She will be interested in seeing something different for sure.
Give her time to explore too...
She can't say no as long as she has a private bedroom...
I went to vermont and slept on the couch in the cabin when i was an au pair but i didnt care, i was happy to do something different

[Anonymous]

Ours stayed in her room at all times except for meals. Rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours stayed in her room at all times except for meals. Rude

Shared experience.

Lesson learned: make expectations clear, explain socially acceptable behaviors in these settings and do a written schedule, even if she has to work 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

She’s part of your family. Include her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s part of your family. Include her.

The OP question was not whether or not she should include her.
You should not post if you can't read or be helpful.
Happy Friday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s part of your family. Include her.

Um, no she’s not. I understand your sentiment, but she is not at all part of your family and neither would a nanny, who works for the same family for 9 years. That’s just not reality.

[Anonymous]

Make the schedule and responsibilities crystal clear. This includes defining what "being part of the family" includes in another location (helping with dishes, etc.) that she would normally just do at home, but might be awkward in another person's house. Also, you need to help her by saying what she can do with the kids during work hours because she's in an unfamiliar location. For example, is there a backyard playset for the kids? Where is the local park? Can she drive the kids while there?

You also need to talk with your family and anyone else there. AP is NOT a servant, maid, or general babysitter that everyone can dump their kids on. YOUR AP is ONLY for taking care of YOUR kids. Your cousin needs to keep an eye on their own similar age kid and not assume AP is ok with an extra 1/2/3+ kids, because it's easier to keep an eye on the crowd, right? NOPE.

In addition, make expectations for her free time clear. Are you ok with it if she holes up in her room all hours when she's not working? Where can she go/see/do? And how (car, Uber availability, public transportation availability)?

Don't just assume everything will be fine. Think things through. Have a sit down conversation with AP where you tell her that this travel will be required and all of the expectations you've already thought through.

Also, have you thought about if AP just doesn't want to go and asks if she can take her vacation time then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the schedule and responsibilities crystal clear. This includes defining what "being part of the family" includes in another location (helping with dishes, etc.) that she would normally just do at home, but might be awkward in another person's house. Also, you need to help her by saying what she can do with the kids during work hours because she's in an unfamiliar location. For example, is there a backyard playset for the kids? Where is the local park? Can she drive the kids while there?

You also need to talk with your family and anyone else there. AP is NOT a servant, maid, or general babysitter that everyone can dump their kids on. YOUR AP is ONLY for taking care of YOUR kids. Your cousin needs to keep an eye on their own similar age kid and not assume AP is ok with an extra 1/2/3+ kids, because it's easier to keep an eye on the crowd, right? NOPE.

In addition, make expectations for her free time clear. Are you ok with it if she holes up in her room all hours when she's not working? Where can she go/see/do? And how (car, Uber availability, public transportation availability)?

Don't just assume everything will be fine. Think things through. Have a sit down conversation with AP where you tell her that this travel will be required and all of the expectations you've already thought through.

Also, have you thought about if AP just doesn't want to go and asks if she can take her vacation time then?

Thanks for this! We will be renting our own house. But yeah good to remind other people she cant watch their kids lol.
We thought about giving her vacation time and then we realized that we will actually need her, so she is coming. It is only one week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s part of your family. Include her.

The OP question was not whether or not she should include her.
You should not post if you can't read or be helpful.
Happy Friday!

+1 please read before answering people

[Anonymous]

Honestly since it is Christmas I would ask her her plans. Maybe she is planning to go home and visit family? Christmas is a very important time for some cultures and you may have a very sad homesick au pair if she is told she has to work Christmas. And if she does have to work Christmas I would give her a bonus.

[Anonymous]

You also may want to consider what gift exchange looks like in your family. If it's a bigger affair, you may want to explain to your family what an au pair is (temporarily a part of the family, not just your nanny) and suggest that although they shouldn't feel any obligation, if they can afford or would like to bring a token gift it would be very much appreciated. There are a lot of gifts exchanged in my family and it was less uncomfortable for her to have a few things to open (novelty socks, bath bombs, coffee mug, calendar, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly since it is Christmas I would ask her her plans. Maybe she is planning to go home and visit family? Christmas is a very important time for some cultures and you may have a very sad homesick au pair if she is told she has to work Christmas. And if she does have to work Christmas I would give her a bonus.

I have asked many times if she has any travel plan she said No. Btw shouldn't the family have priority on this anyway? or whoever ask first? If she came first and said I want to travel for Christmas I will be like ok (because she get to choose the timeframe for one vacation week and I get to choose the other one). But if she doesn't make her plan public on time, I cant help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You also may want to consider what gift exchange looks like in your family. If it's a bigger affair, you may want to explain to your family what an au pair is (temporarily a part of the family, not just your nanny) and suggest that although they shouldn't feel any obligation, if they can afford or would like to bring a token gift it would be very much appreciated. There are a lot of gifts exchanged in my family and it was less uncomfortable for her to have a few things to open (novelty socks, bath bombs, coffee mug, calendar, etc.)

Again we will have our own house. No gifts exchanges with other families maybe thanks God.

[Anonymous]

When our APs traveled with us, it was always very light duty, basically not being in sole charge of the kids while we parents were there. But helping out with their needs, entertaining them for brief periods, helping clear the table. These were also more "invitations" to join...not required as we could manage our 2 without an AP, especially with grandparents and family around. Feedback from years later is that the APs enjoyed having Christmas with the family. (In one case, AP declined and did something on her own. We weren't close, and I wasn't craxy about her being in the house alone, but it worked out okay.