Male au pair for elementary age girls?

[Anonymous]

We have four kids: two middle school aged boys and two early elementary aged girls (6.5 & 8.5). We’ve interviewed a male au pair we like, but we’re still a bit undecided about whether we’re comfortable having a male au pair rather than female. My husband is probably more uncomfortable about this than I am, but I admit I’m not 100% certain either. Please share thoughts, or please share your experiences if you’ve hosted a male au pair caring for female host kids. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I have male Au Pair. We love him, seriously (I also had second thoughts in the beginning— best decision ). When he started, our kids were girl 10, boy 8, “almost 5” girl. All three kids are into sports, and the bro Pair is very sporty, so they had a lot of connection through sports and computer games together. Most of his responsibilities is getting kids to after school activities. Now, I knew that he won’t be doing arts-and-crafts or playing with dolls, but my girls are not really into that and I can organize them to do that. The girls need zero help with dressing, otherwise I might not have gone for it.

My BP is very stereotypical: zero drama, very minimal help with cleaning or cooking (but I don’t need that), great driver.

[Anonymous]

We hosted male APs for the years our daughter was 10-14. They were all fabulous, and she adored them, as did our son. Zero drama and maximum engagement and fun.

[Anonymous]

My two cents.
For boys, I want them to have max influence from as many women as possible in life. Hopefully, strong women.
For girls, wow. To take a risk with a male AP beyond me. Even if the girls have just a crush, who needs that. And top it off with the fact you have no idea what the make AP is really like until he gets to your home.

But peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have male Au Pair. We love him, seriously (I also had second thoughts in the beginning— best decision ). When he started, our kids were girl 10, boy 8, “almost 5” girl. All three kids are into sports, and the bro Pair is very sporty, so they had a lot of connection through sports and computer games together. Most of his responsibilities is getting kids to after school activities. Now, I knew that he won’t be doing arts-and-crafts or playing with dolls, but my girls are not really into that and I can organize them to do that. The girls need zero help with dressing, otherwise I might not have gone for it.

My BP is very stereotypical: zero drama, very minimal help with cleaning or cooking (but I don’t need that), great driver.

+1
If the girls like sports it is a good thing and should be fine.
Our male is the same; however we have to put out clothes for school just to be safe. A trashbag as outfit would probably not even go noticed by him.
Same with jackets- but a great ap all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two cents.
For boys, I want them to have max influence from as many women as possible in life. Hopefully, strong women.
For girls, wow. To take a risk with a male AP beyond me. Even if the girls have just a crush, who needs that. And top it off with the fact you have no idea what the make AP is really like until he gets to your home.

But peace.

As a mom of two boys I am just saddened by this. My oldest son is so amazing with his 6 yrs you her sister. And my second son is the most kindhearted caring kid ever. Both would be fantastic (fun, responsible, kind) as caregivers for girls. Neither would be welcomed by your family though, because they are male. I’d truly put my younger son up against the most maternal of female au pairs and he’d likely come out even or ahead in terms of compassion, warmth, and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Yes I see your point. But how on earth can a HF be sure based on Skype interview. And
Males from a country with different norms than the US

But again, good luck sincerely

[Anonymous]

I gave 3 kids (4.5, 7, and 10). There is just no way that I would put a bropair with my young girls. Just yesterday my 4.5 year old slipped and hurt herself, and needed help from our AP to undress and re-dress her. Although this is not something that she would typically do, yesterday was an extenuating circumstance.

There is *no* way that I want a 19 year old male undressing and re-dressing my 4 year old daughter.

Yes, I completely understand that not all males are molesters. I have two older sons and they are fabulous, but I just can not see the point of taking the risk.

[Anonymous]

Our Male AP was great. Our boys adored him. He was a bit of a neighborhood celebrity. No drama, no issues. Super laid back.

I only have boys, but our AP would have been great with any kids. However I don't think all men are sexual predators.

[Anonymous]

We have male APs and I do not think most or any of them would have wanted girls under 10 or so to care for.
Ours have all been into sports and here really for that without children.
There are plenty of gay male APs - some will list it in lifestyle but most will not: you need to figure that out on your own during the screening process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave 3 kids (4.5, 7, and 10). There is just no way that I would put a bropair with my young girls. Just yesterday my 4.5 year old slipped and hurt herself, and needed help from our AP to undress and re-dress her. Although this is not something that she would typically do, yesterday was an extenuating circumstance.

There is *no* way that I want a 19 year old male undressing and re-dressing my 4 year old daughter.

Yes, I completely understand that not all males are molesters. I have two older sons and they are fabulous, but I just can not see the point of taking the risk.

Right but we are not talking about toddlers and preschoolers. More when they are in late elementary and older. Most female APs just can’t compete in energy and activity levels with male AP.

[Anonymous]

Not the same, but I've had a male nanny for my two girls for almost their entire lives (he started when the oldest was 3.5 months old).

He WILL do arts and crafts or dolls or trains or basketball or gardening or "getting the band back together" or whatever game the girls come up with. They are 5 and 7 and adore him.

I was hesitant about hiring a guy and now I can't imagine them having anyone else when DH and I can't be there.

[Anonymous]

I think it is very upsetting that people immediately think “a man seeking an opportunity in childcare” = “sexual predator”. When I told some of my friends that I’m considering a male AP, with some there was a huge implication I’m putting my kids at risk. If not for DH who insisted on bringing male AP, our family wouldn’t have terrific 18 months and would not have acquired a true new member of the family. I love my male AP as a son, and I hope we maintain that relationship.

Shame to decide that someone is not suited for a job just because they happen to have a penis.

[Anonymous]

Shame to take a risk based in a Skype interview with someone half way around the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame to take a risk based in a Skype interview with someone half way around the world.

Isn’t this true for any au pair, male or female?