How long do you give your AP to heal from heartbreak....

[Anonymous]

Our AP has been with us 6 months and a generally good AP. She started dating someone shortly after she arrived and they broke up last week. She's very sad and hurt and super mopey which I understand but she's started totally slacking on her duties. Dishes left in the sink from her and kids all day (they are at school all day, she's supposed to load the dishwasher after making lunches and breakfast before she has her break), no kid laundry done all week, etc. She has gone out with her friends every night but not coming home super late or anything. I suspect (because I've witnessed it!) that she's spending most of her time on her phone, sharing her woes with her friends and her family back home. I totally get it, she's 21 years old, she was pretty into this guy. I can give her a bit of grace BUT I need to reign it in for her soon.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? I'm thinking of giving her one more week to be mopey and if she doesn't snap back into being a good AP we will have to say something to her about it. I feel like if I say something now she will start crying. She's super fragile right now.....and we have 6 more months to get through....

[Anonymous]

Personal problems do not belong in the workplace. The fact that her workplace is also her place of residence is not important. Her age is also not relevant. She is an adult. She should learn to conduct herself properly.

[Anonymous]

I would have a soft-reset Monday night. Give her the weekend to be mopey and get it out of her system. Tell her you remember being young and heartbroken but she still needs to do her job and remind her of the checklist.

[Anonymous]

I was an emergency room nurse at 21. No bringing boyfriend problems to work!

Give her the reset talk -- she can mope on her own time, but she must attend to her work with all her attention.

[Anonymous]

It's okay if she cries. Don't let her crying make you think she's too fragile to pull her shit together. Quite frankly a distraction of throwing herself into her work would be helpful.

Tell her to pull her crap together.

[Anonymous]

I'm clear at match that I consider our APs adults. I do not have a curfew, I allow discreet overnight guests, and I allow full use of her AP car. She can do what she wants in her off hours. We do not treat our APs like teenagers. However, in return we expect adult behavior. Part of being an adult is showing up to work each to work and leaving your personal issues at the door. Given how we always start our year out (maybe your expectations are not as black and white, so this might now work?) I would be very clear that she needs to get together while on the clock.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with PPs. This is not a workplace situation. When I was heartbroken at work, I could hold it together and then let it go when I got home. I suggest a combination of support and gentle reminder of expectations for the next week or so.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I agree with the last poster...it's really really hard to separate work and home when you live where you work and for us, we do spend quite a bit of time in the evenings with our AP. I think part of the problem is that she never made many girl friends here because of the boyfriend. We talked last night and encouraged her to reach out to the friends she does have and make some plans for the weekend. We told her that we understood she was very sad but that we need her to complete the tasks we've asked her to complete. She seemed to understand and be ok with it. I am a little worried she might want to just go home now so I am really pushing for her to embrace her other relationships here.

[Anonymous]

Glad you talked to her. Maybe you can do soemthing fun with her this weekend. I hope she continues to complete her tasks. She doesn't have to emit sunshine, but she does need to do her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree with the last poster...it's really really hard to separate work and home when you live where you work and for us, we do spend quite a bit of time in the evenings with our AP. I think part of the problem is that she never made many girl friends here because of the boyfriend. We talked last night and encouraged her to reach out to the friends she does have and make some plans for the weekend. We told her that we understood she was very sad but that we need her to complete the tasks we've asked her to complete. She seemed to understand and be ok with it. I am a little worried she might want to just go home now so I am really pushing for her to embrace her other relationships here.

I am the PP. Can you get your LCC involved? She may be able to put her in touch with a couple of APs. She could use a support network or a distraction. Hope everything works out for you and for your AP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe DH can help out.