Variable schedule week-to-week?

[Anonymous]

We are considering getting an AP in the next year-ish to help care for my (currently) one-year-old son, with the expectation that he will eventually start pre-school which will involve some drop-off/pick-up juggling, and as we plan for baby #2 in the next few years we could use the extra support. (I was extremely sick during my pregnancy with my son, and Im trying to prep for a worst-case second pregnancy.)

The catch is, my husband is a commercial pilot and he bids for his schedule each month which means it is always a bit different.

Ideally, we envision having a monthly meeting with our AP to lay out our needs for the upcoming weeks. Some weeks I may need help on Sa/Sun but would give them W,Th,F off, for example, if my husband was home. Other weeks that my husband may be home the whole time the AP may have that week off entirely (without it going against their vacation, obviously) and we may ask for a few date night evenings of monitor-watching. For the APs classes, we could commit to one consistent day off a week or agree to keep one evening free for them to attend, if that was helpful, but aside for that we really do need flexibility and I need support while I am here alone.

We don't anticipate using the AP as the main childcare, but keeping a nanny a few days a week or finding a daycare with drop-in hours so that we were working the AP less in exchange for this flexibility.

We have worked with nannies in the past (and I myself was a nanny when I was a bit younger) so I consider myself to be quite fair with time off and pay/perks/benefits etc. I pay a nanny currently 45hr/week regardless of if I use her or not and have never kept track of her sick days, so I plan to be equally reasonable with an APs time.

My concern is, will any AP be ok with this type of variable schedule? Will anyone want to match with us knowing they may only know what is expected/needed a few weeks in advance and it may mean giving up a few Sat/Suns a month?

Thanks in advance for you feedback. I know there have to be other HFs on here who travel a lot or are needing support while a spouse is gone.

[Anonymous]

We have a different schedule every week and make it clear from the start before matching. My job involves frequent evening events that are on different days each week, and she works crazy hours. We both travel a fair bit. We have 3 kids and started having au pairs when our youngest was an infant - though then we had an additional babysitter and two of three kids were in school.

Currently our youngest is in school until 2 and the others until 3. Ap picks up the kids and occasionally works mornings when one parent is traveling. I set her schedule weekly and tell her when she will be working later into the evening, but most days she works at least until 7/8. 2-3 times a week she will be on duty until 9-10-11 if i have a later obligation and dh can’t get home.

Our au pairs work weekends maybe half of the time and we try to give more warning about those and give au pairs the opportunity to refuse if they already have other plans. We have a couple of other sitters we use occasionally (maybe as much as weekly).

Our au pairs usually do am classes while the kids are in school, but they’ve also done weekend intensives or a once/week evening class. Hire an additional sitter to consistently cover that class if needed.

We’ve had 3 successful years with au pairs and our current ap is perfectly happy with our schedule. She has most of her day to herself, she puts the kids to bed @8 many evenings but then is free to do what she wants, have friends over or just relax. We are very up-front about our lack of consistent schedule and have had no issues matching. I’m also a former babysitter/nanny and we treat our au pairs well and are kind and fair host parents, but flexibility is super important for our family.

I will say, that flexibility also has to go both ways - being open to ap making plans and finding a way to work around them, hiring other sitters to fill in, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering getting an AP in the next year-ish to help care for my (currently) one-year-old son, with the expectation that he will eventually start pre-school which will involve some drop-off/pick-up juggling, and as we plan for baby #2 in the next few years we could use the extra support. (I was extremely sick during my pregnancy with my son, and Im trying to prep for a worst-case second pregnancy.)

The catch is, my husband is a commercial pilot and he bids for his schedule each month which means it is always a bit different.

Ideally, we envision having a monthly meeting with our AP to lay out our needs for the upcoming weeks. Some weeks I may need help on Sa/Sun but would give them W,Th,F off, for example, if my husband was home. Other weeks that my husband may be home the whole time the AP may have that week off entirely (without it going against their vacation, obviously) and we may ask for a few date night evenings of monitor-watching. For the APs classes, we could commit to one consistent day off a week or agree to keep one evening free for them to attend, if that was helpful, but aside for that we really do need flexibility and I need support while I am here alone.

We don't anticipate using the AP as the main childcare, but keeping a nanny a few days a week or finding a daycare with drop-in hours so that we were working the AP less in exchange for this flexibility.

We have worked with nannies in the past (and I myself was a nanny when I was a bit younger) so I consider myself to be quite fair with time off and pay/perks/benefits etc. I pay a nanny currently 45hr/week regardless of if I use her or not and have never kept track of her sick days, so I plan to be equally reasonable with an APs time.

My concern is, will any AP be ok with this type of variable schedule? Will anyone want to match with us knowing they may only know what is expected/needed a few weeks in advance and it may mean giving up a few Sat/Suns a month?

Thanks in advance for you feedback. I know there have to be other HFs on here who travel a lot or are needing support while a spouse is gone.

A more consistent schedule is far better for the AP, in terms of her social life, education requirement (usually needs 2 evenings or 2 mornings a week, not always the same two). Our APs preferred working 5 long days and having every evening and every weekend free. YMMV.

It's not clear why you need both a nanny and an AP. Does the nanny not drive? Or are you replacing her with an AP? If so, why? Has paying the nanny 45 hrs proven too expensive?

[Anonymous]

We both work biglaw and have an AP because our schedule varies every day. This hasn’t been a problem.

[Anonymous]

I am a former AP. I wouldn't have been happy with working with a nanny. Even with little or no overlap.
I would have been flexible during the week but my weekends were my time to explore, not work. I was fine with Sat. babysitting but working during the day on Sat. or Sun : no way.
You will probably find someone that comes and say yes, and then realizes that she can't go out with friends every weekend and there will be resentment.
A light schedule during the week doesn't make up for work on weekends.
Let alone your husband that will be home and will "take over". In reality we all know that if you're paying for 45 hours you will want to use these and your husband will need time to himself to relax from his stressful job. Or he will hang out at home and your AP will feel she's being watched.
This is what I wouldn't like but it's just me. I'm hoping you will find someone that doesn't mind all of this.
Having a 1 month schedule is fine, this is what I had, and it was great to plan my outings and other activities.

[Anonymous]

We are both physicians and our schedule shifts weekly. We try to put the entire month on a calendar so at least she can plan on a month to month basis. Adapting to schedules is a benefit of having an AP

[Anonymous]

DH and I travel for work, so we were upfront during interviews about our needs, variable work days and hours, etc. there will be prospective APs who will turn you down, and there will be APs who will agree to it but complain later on about their missed social events on weekends, or their free time during the week which doesn’t coincide with their friends’ free hours. Hopefully you will match with an older AP who can handle a one year old, and can make adjustments to her own social/personal commitments on a weekly basis.

[Anonymous]

Yes,
just don't make her work more than 1 weekend per month (or rarely 2)
and be very clear about the variable schedule during interviews. don't oversell your position

[Anonymous]

We would really need the support in the mornings and evenings/weekends when my husband is gone. We would likely keep the nanny for some days so that we don't go over the 45 hours for the AP, and if we have a second child by that point it will be a newborn and keeping the nanny and her extra set of hands would be helpful for all involved. This is all hypothetical of course, we are just trying to work out the best options.

45 hours of childcare is what my schedule requires so that I can work my 9-5 job and commute. Then I also need some support on the days my husband has been gone for 4, 5, 6 days and it's Sunday night and we have no groceries in the house and the dogs need a walk. Just the realities of daily life that are easier to tackle without a toddler in tow. That is too many hours for one person. The nanny would help more for the daily regular hours and the AP would help more with getting my son dressed and fed in the mornings before the nanny arrives and helping with bath/bedtimes on the days I am here solo, some of which would be weekends. We would hope to schedule in advance that on "this night" I will need an hour to run out to target and get toilet paper...or whatever...

[Anonymous]

I think you just need to get better at outsourcing all your errands.
Use more Amazon, grocery delivery service, carry-out, etc.
And make optimal use of your nanny- make her do all baths, kids laundry, sheets, meal prep, fill cars with gas when she's out.

Sometimes extra "help" is more trouble than it's worth- just more to train and manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We would really need the support in the mornings and evenings/weekends when my husband is gone. We would likely keep the nanny for some days so that we don't go over the 45 hours for the AP, and if we have a second child by that point it will be a newborn and keeping the nanny and her extra set of hands would be helpful for all involved. This is all hypothetical of course, we are just trying to work out the best options.

45 hours of childcare is what my schedule requires so that I can work my 9-5 job and commute. Then I also need some support on the days my husband has been gone for 4, 5, 6 days and it's Sunday night and we have no groceries in the house and the dogs need a walk. Just the realities of daily life that are easier to tackle without a toddler in tow. That is too many hours for one person. The nanny would help more for the daily regular hours and the AP would help more with getting my son dressed and fed in the mornings before the nanny arrives and helping with bath/bedtimes on the days I am here solo, some of which would be weekends. We would hope to schedule in advance that on "this night" I will need an hour to run out to target and get toilet paper...or whatever...

Stereotypically, APs hate evening and weekend hours. You may find one who is ok with it, then resents it and rematches. You may be ok for the whole year.

APs also hate stay at home moms for being "watched." A nanny would be similar enough to feeling monitored because an experienced nanny would obviously have seniority over a 20 something year old AP. For an insecure AP, it would be like being ordered around by two "moms" and not being able to do anything independently.

In addition, your running out for errands may breed additional resentment that you're out "shopping" (no matter that you're out of tp) while they're stuck at home with the kids.

Sorry to say, the deck is stacked against you. You may luck out. But it's much more likely you'll end up in rematch. Why don't you try keeping the nanny and a few back up babysitters for now?

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM (well, I WAH, but I'm HOME) with 3 kids, a varied schedule and LOTS of evenings (most nights until at least 8), occasional weekends. We also offer a really lovely home, kind family, fun activities and many perks that APs will only get to see if they truly look into our family and don't immediately say no because we have 3 kids...

We've hosted 4 very happy au pairs for a full year. We've never had a major issue in matching because we are upfront and straightforward about our needs and our expectations, and we've attracted mature aps who enjoy our family very much.

[Anonymous]

I'm former au pair and I didn't even talk to families who wanted me work on weekends or when there was stay at home or work from home parent. I like my weekends and evenings off. I had a similar family from California interested in me but they only wanted to add au pair to their family because nanny would not work crazy schedule without being pay extremely well.. but neither would I. I'm sure they found an au pair eventually simply because they lived in LA area, but most of my au pair friends had weekends and evenings off and wouldn't exchange it for LA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm former au pair and I didn't even talk to families who wanted me work on weekends or when there was stay at home or work from home parent. I like my weekends and evenings off. I had a similar family from California interested in me but they only wanted to add au pair to their family because nanny would not work crazy schedule without being pay extremely well.. but neither would I. I'm sure they found an au pair eventually simply because they lived in LA area, but most of my au pair friends had weekends and evenings off and wouldn't exchange it for LA.

+1 This. While there is a lid for every pot, most APs want to be able to take regular classes, plan ahead for some events like concerts, shows, cluster meetings, be able to take off spontaneously when a friend suggests going out to a movie in the evening, go out on a date, etc. I'm a former HM whose APs almost all worked 45 hours (in summer for sure) and the feedback has been that they much preferred the long hours and guaranteed evenings free after 5 PM and ALL weekends off.

[Anonymous]

You will find someone but it will take honesty and time. I am a nurse (single mom) and I needed my au pair 2pm-midnight 4 days a week (Sun-Wed). She had off every Thurs Fri Sat. Had 3 au pairs who loved that schedule -- they could do the laundry/tidying when my son was asleep in the evenings. So easy, and they knew it.

Au pairs preferred to sleep late in the mornings. It was ideal all-around.