Maternity leave with nanny and toddler

[Anonymous]

I know similar has been posted before but couldn’t find threads. I’m an MB currently home with newborn. Toddler is home with the nanny. Toddler absolutely cannot handle me being home, anytime I go downstairs to get bottles, etc and she sees me she throws a tantrum and doesn’t want me to leave. It is causing a lot of anxiety for everyone and I know is making the nannies job 10 times harder. I don’t know what to do, I need to go downstairs as I am pumping and formula feeding and constantly need to wash bottles/ pump parts/ get formula/ get lunch etc. we all try to tell toddler when nanny is here she is in charge , mommy will play with you later etc. any advice or anything that helped? I can’t hide upstairs all day with the newborn.

[Anonymous]

Do nanny and toddler stay home all day? They need to get out as much as possible. Maybe you can text nanny when you need to come down and she can take toddler into the bedroom for play and you can be super quiet. It would also be nice to give a bonus to the nanny, whether it be a substantial cash bonus or a few gift cards to Starbucks through your maternity leave. It will help her to fee appreciated and reset for the day/week.

[Anonymous]

1. You need to have dedicated toddler and mommy times throughout the day.
2. When toddler is occupied, the nanny should run up to grab bottles or give you them or whatever.
3. Nanny needs to take toddler out of the house.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat and I pretty much hide from my toddler. When the nanny arrives, I vanish and am in the bedroom or basement until nanny and toddler go for their walk. They are usually gone at least an hour, usually an hour an a half. Then they come back and do lunch, during which I’m back in the bedroom or basement. I come back out during toddler’s nap and then again for their afternoon outing post snack. It’s a little annoying but manageable and very temporary... I’ll be back at work in a month.

[Anonymous]

Yours is a miserable but common situation! Stay out of sight as much as possible as well as spending as much time with your toddler as possible while Nanny takes care of the newborn. Encourage your nanny to take your toddler out as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have enough bottles available to get through the morning at least until the toddler goes to sleep? If not, I would try to make it that way. Another thing you could do is text nanny before heading to the common area and let her know you need to come down (or up). This way nanny can decide to go out or into another area where the toddler can’t see you.

[Anonymous]

Take the toddler out and spend 1-1 time while the nanny cares for the baby. Seems pretty simple to me.

[Anonymous]

Excellent suggestions here.


I think that your Nanny should try to spend as much time as possible out of the house, going to the park/playground, library for story time, neighborhood playgroups, music classes, etc.

Your Nanny is definitely a trooper for accommodating this new transition.
Since she obviously is worth her weight in gold, I would definitely add a bonus after all of this is over.
Or at least a spa gift card.

Would you be comfortable having your Nanny care for your toddler at her house until you go back to work?
It doesn’t have to be every day, but it would make it much easier on the two of you.

Good luck to both of you.
And congratulations on your bundle of joy ~

[Anonymous]

Can you start paying nanny a little more now so she can start doing some of these duties for you? Like washing bottles and parts? Presumably you're going to use her for both kids at some point soon so you will eventually need her (and will pay her) to do this stuff anyway.

I work from home so my kids are used to seeing me come and go, but I'm about to have a third and am curious if this will become an issue.

Anyway, when my second was born I started paying the nanny a little bit more so that I could get out of the house on my own for an hour while the newborn was napping, then when she started to take care of both full-time I paid our two-child rate. You don't mention a desire to do this but it's an idea just in case.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. This was my routine with 2yo twins and MB home with newborn:
Arrive 8am, twins in jammies playing with toys and drinking a sippy cup of milk in their room while MB sat on their floor and nursed.

I got twins toys picked up, dressed them for the day, put their clothes in the washer along with hamper of baby stuff and started it.

Twins did a few pages from a coloring/workbook while I emptied dishwasher and fixed breakfast for them/MB.

MB brought me the baby and I held her while MB showered and got dressed. Simultaneously, twins would eat and I’d pack snack/lunch for them/MB.

After breakfast, I would give MB the baby and rotate laundry.

Around 9:00, I’d take twins out for the morning. Anywhere open early—mall, playground, target, certain indoor playspaces. We stayed out of the house until just before naptime.

Around 1:00, we’d get back and MB would read the toddlers a story and tuck them in for nap. 1:30-3, the twins would nap and I’d care for the baby and fold the laundry and fix dinner.

3:00 twins would wake and I’d put away their laundry and Then take all 3 kids for a walk 3:30 until 4:30. We’d get back and MB would take the baby while I did a project of some kind with the toddlers, then they’d all sit at the table for dinner at 5:30.

After dinner I’d give the 3 of them a bath, then MB would nurse baby while I did jammies and brush teeth with the twins. I was off at 7:00 and MB would read stories with them all, then tuck the toddlers in.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks all. We are paying her the 2 kid rate already starting when the baby was born. she was hired while I was pregnant and all was discussed , including that it would likely be very annoying for all when maternity leave starts. I guess I was trying to avoid having to do the whole hiding/ texting thing. To PP who posted shcedule thank you. It sounds like the adjustment may have went better? Our nanny does take dd out for morning. But I can’t even throw laundry in or stand at the sink if she sees me she just cries and tries to drag me to play with her.

[Anonymous]

It’s a really tough situation, OP. Your nanny should not always be made the “bad guy” when you are around. You need to set a schedule with your nanny and only appear at the times when you can engage your older child. And stick to the schedule!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks all. We are paying her the 2 kid rate already starting when the baby was born. she was hired while I was pregnant and all was discussed , including that it would likely be very annoying for all when maternity leave starts. I guess I was trying to avoid having to do the whole hiding/ texting thing. To PP who posted shcedule thank you. It sounds like the adjustment may have went better? Our nanny does take dd out for morning. But I can’t even throw laundry in or stand at the sink if she sees me she just cries and tries to drag me to play with her.

It helped because MB had some time off during pregnancy as well (she cut back to 4 days for the last month, so we had already had the toddlers tantrum for attention. If you (the parent) give them attention for those kinds of fits then it reinforces and the kids will donit every time. Obviously I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your household, but my guess is that you might need to have a few days of toddler tantrum and constantly while you avoid eye contact/talking to her outside of designated times when you and Manny have told her in advance that you will be spending time with her. If she throws if you fits and does not get any additional attention, she will figure out the new plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks all. We are paying her the 2 kid rate already starting when the baby was born. she was hired while I was pregnant and all was discussed , including that it would likely be very annoying for all when maternity leave starts. I guess I was trying to avoid having to do the whole hiding/ texting thing. To PP who posted shcedule thank you. It sounds like the adjustment may have went better? Our nanny does take dd out for morning. But I can’t even throw laundry in or stand at the sink if she sees me she just cries and tries to drag me to play with her.

She needs time with you. Nanny watch baby and you spend time with her.

[Anonymous]

1. Get enough bottles to get through the morning until naptime.
2. Set a schedule, and have the nanny and toddler out of the house twice per day.
3. Have the nanny prep and clean bottles during toddler’s nap, including prep for weekend.
4. Nanny should be doing all kid laundry, preferably folding/putting away during toddler nap. She should also be experienced enough to start it while toddler eats breakfast and switch it while toddler eats lunch.
5. You need to stick to the schedule too, and that includes having a picture schedule for your toddler. So, when you come up to wash the pump parts, nanny can point to the schedule and talk your toddler through how much time it will be until your next time with her.
6. You need to be able to switch off kids on the schedule. If you’re pumping, nanny can feed a bottle while you are playing with your toddler. If you can set two thirty minute periods, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, that should be enough. She’s jealous because the baby gets all of your attention, and she’s not old enough to understand why.