End of the year review

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who has been at my current job for three years. Every year, my employers and I sit down for a review. The last two years, I had nothing to bring up and their concerns were minor and I easily adjusted. But this past year, things have been getting out of hand.

My employers are always late coming home. There are dishes left pretty much every single morning. The clothes taken off my charge by a parent at bedtime are left inside out on the bathroom floor. Not one book read is ever put back. I work a four day week so after three days away, the mess is daunting.

My charge has been a challenge when her mother is around and I simply do not know what I can and can’t say to the mother to help with this. I am much more firm with my charge than she is. No never means no in her dealings with her child so the tantrums and crying jags when the mother are home are epic.

Things have just gotten tense.

Please help me stay calm and know what to bring up and what not to bring up. My bottom line is to keep this job. I want to improve this job and not leave it. Do I just smile and suck it up?

[Anonymous]

This is the only time you can bring these problems to the forefront. Tell her the being late has to stop as well as the other things. This is major job creep and it will only get worse. She may let you go but this has been festering with you and it will not go away if you say nothing good luck and be for about the constant lateness. They would not tolerate you being late and you should not accept their lateness.

[Anonymous]

You must bring up these issues, OP. Otherwise your employers will not respect you and you will harbor continueing resentments.

You can do this calmly and without emotion. You are in the right here.

I would tread more lightly on the issues with your charge’s behavior around her mother. Ask your employer what she wants you to do when these meltdowns between mother and child are happening.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Those things would bother me too. First thing is, you either a) pay a late fee per minute (if that’s an option for you) or b) they have to find coverage- that simple. You can be straightforward or make up a story and say you’re interested in a workout class but wasn’t sure if their hours have changed since they’ve been late- then go into option a or b. Are you required to clean up after the parents and the child? I understand the kitchen being a mess (that grinds my gears) but I would push their dishes to the side and hopefully they’ll notice how much of a snob they’re being. I don’t see how you can ask someone to clean up after themselves in their home- I’m totally with you but I have a set of parents who are the same way and I just clean around their mess and eventually they would try their hardest to put dishes away and remove food out the sink before heading out.

How old is your charge? Considering you’ve been with the family for 3 years, I’m guessing she is around that age? I would let them know now is a great time for her to put her clothes in the hamper and put away her books before bed. However, op, you should be making her do this when you arrive (same goes with toys).

Lastly, the tantrums I have nothing to say lol. It’s really nothing you can do. My charge is the exact same way but doesn’t pull that stuff with me. Her mom lets her get away with it all and feeds into it. When she throws tantrums, I just walk away and ignore her (both the mom and child ?) it’s ridiculous. I’ve talked to mom before about giving attention to the tantrums but I’m not going to keep singing the same op song. Her tantrums are AWFUL to (kicks, screams, throws stuff you name it).

Some of us have been where you are. It will either get better or worse.

[Anonymous]

You have to bring up these issues, OP. They will weigh you down if you don’t. When Dirty dishes, clothes on the bathroom floor greet you every morning, it is demoralizing and demonstrates how little your employers think of you. Constant lateness is also an insult - your employers are telling you that their time and life is more valuable than yours.

Walk away from the poor behavior and tantrums when the parents are there. The child is reacting to the parents behavior and not yours. It has nothing to do with you.

But I would quit if I faced a messy workplace every day or worked for people who didn’t give a damn about my time. Being late every once in a while is understandable and forgivable but not habitual lateness.

You deserve better, OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp to discuss the job creep but not the MB’s parenting.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you should bring all this up. If it were me, I'd ask you to please just leave the dishes in the sink. I can't always get to them in the mornings, because I get up at 5:30, have a conference call 6-7, and have to dash out the door at 7:30. i feel terribly guilty that I sometimes leave dishes and an unswept kitchen floor in the morning, but I am not superhuman.


Lateness is irresponsible on their part, though. I would put a stop to that by saying that you will be arriving late the next morning by however minutes they were late, because you need to finish your own commitments.

-MB