AP not comfortable with our non-religious family

[Anonymous]

Our family is not religious (or families are from another country and are also of a religious minority). Our AP is very religious and attends church at least twice a week. During matching, we were upfront and told her that we are not religious, but we can help her find a church for her to go to. we also asked if she would be comfortable matching with our family because we are not religious, and she said fine.

Well, now that she's here, I am getting the sense that she is uncomfortable. She comes from a very small town, and I think that she has never met people of other religions before. She has made comments about how we are not raising our son right because we don't send him to any church. She has made comments about people of my family's faith being terrorists.

She is otherwise, fine. But if this keeps up, I don't see how we can continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family is not religious (or families are from another country and are also of a religious minority). Our AP is very religious and attends church at least twice a week. During matching, we were upfront and told her that we are not religious, but we can help her find a church for her to go to. we also asked if she would be comfortable matching with our family because we are not religious, and she said fine.

Well, now that she's here, I am getting the sense that she is uncomfortable. She comes from a very small town, and I think that she has never met people of other religions before. She has made comments about how we are not raising our son right because we don't send him to any church. She has made comments about people of my family's faith being terrorists.

She is otherwise, fine. But if this keeps up, I don't see how we can continue.

I don't see how a nonreligious family would be uncomfortable for someone ( I can see it the other way around). You are not stifling her desire to go to church. So I think her REAL reservation is somehow tied to the bolded above. She is prejudiced against people of your family's faith and is uncomfortable around you. You should rematch.

[Anonymous]

This is a crazy question. Your Au Pair has told you that you’re not raising your son right and your family are terrorists and you are asking us what we should do?

Do you think that her smothering religious beliefs and prejudice ways are going to have a positive impact on your children?

[Anonymous]

I would rematch. You don’t know what’s telling your son when you’re not there.

[Anonymous]

Umm, what? Not in my house. While I think it's great she's getting an education in why her prejudices are wrong, I think there's a zero chance she won't be preaching to your child.

[Anonymous]

What is your non-religious faith? That makes no sense. But obviously you need to rematch. There is no way I could tolorate that for more that a single moment.

[Anonymous]

I would politely tell her that you would appreciate if she no longer discusses the way you are raising your child when it comes to religion. And if she's not comfortable with that, she should find another family.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. LCC contacted. Rematch wheels will be set in motion. Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your non-religious faith? That makes no sense. But obviously you need to rematch. There is no way I could tolorate that for more that a single moment.

Huh? You can have a religious background but not necessarily be observant

[Anonymous]

OP, I am glad you are rematching, I would not tolerate that!
Maybe you did this when matching her but be open about your religious background during the match even if you don’t observe it, that will filter the bad apples. My husband and I are not originally from here although we are citizens, I always make sure that it is clear to the AP, because some of them might be looking for a 100% American experience and we don’t offer that.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Good for you, OP, for setting the rematch in motion.

During matching, I stress being open to diversity is important—different races, cultures, opinions, sexual orientation. We are a mixed race family and would not tolerate prejudice. My husband is what I fondly term “a flaming liberal.” We tell our kids things like “Families can be very different. Ours has a mommy and a daddy. Others might have only one parent or two mommies/two daddies.” If AP ever said something to the contrary (or similar prejudicial thoughts), I think he would throw them out immediately.

Fortunately, we’ve never had issues. We’ve also not had issues with APs telling us we’re “not American enough” either.

[Anonymous]

We interviewed a fabulous nanny who could.not.stop.talking.about.religion during her interview. Everything was about how she was called to do this, blessed to do that, prayed about this, enjoyed fellowship here, etc., and ended by inviting us to an interfaith service for Israel at her evangelical church (we're Jewish). There was no malice in her, and she would have happily taken the job with us, but I couldn't see how I could let her spend day-in-day-out with my children without policing every word. I thought, for example, about what she might say if there was a death in the family, and I knew it wasn't going to be a message I'd want my children to hear from one of their primary caregivers.

I also thought she'd be very uncomfortable being asked to speak differently all the time. We passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Good for you, OP, for setting the rematch in motion.

During matching, I stress being open to diversity is important—different races, cultures, opinions, sexual orientation. We are a mixed race family and would not tolerate prejudice. My husband is what I fondly term “a flaming liberal.” We tell our kids things like “Families can be very different. Ours has a mommy and a daddy. Others might have only one parent or two mommies/two daddies.” If AP ever said something to the contrary (or similar prejudicial thoughts), I think he would throw them out immediately.

Fortunately, we’ve never had issues. We’ve also not had issues with APs telling us we’re “not American enough” either.

You do accept and approve, of course, that a "flaming conservative" family might not "tolerate" such views, and any AP expressing such other views would rightfully be thrown out immediately. Right? Because we all acknowledge that "flaming liberals" are only tolerant of views exactly like their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Good for you, OP, for setting the rematch in motion.

During matching, I stress being open to diversity is important—different races, cultures, opinions, sexual orientation. We are a mixed race family and would not tolerate prejudice. My husband is what I fondly term “a flaming liberal.” We tell our kids things like “Families can be very different. Ours has a mommy and a daddy. Others might have only one parent or two mommies/two daddies.” If AP ever said something to the contrary (or similar prejudicial thoughts), I think he would throw them out immediately.

Fortunately, we’ve never had issues. We’ve also not had issues with APs telling us we’re “not American enough” either.

You do accept and approve, of course, that a "flaming conservative" family might not "tolerate" such views, and any AP expressing such other views would rightfully be thrown out immediately. Right? Because we all acknowledge that "flaming liberals" are only tolerant of views exactly like their own.

Liberal nanny here. I’m hired more often by conservatives than liberals. I don’t say a word to contradict, and if kids ask, I tell them it’s something their parents want to discuss with them. However, I’m not going to grab them out of the sandbox and run if a child with two dads plopped down in the sandbox too. I respect that most conservative viewpoints are faith-based and not likely to be swayed, but by the same token I won’t be told constantly that I’m evil or otherwise going to perish for having different views.

[Anonymous]

As a fairly right leaning family, I am comfortable with liberal and conservative views for the most part. I don’t abide with calling people terrorists without really good reason, nor do I abide with calling people racist without reason...