Kids having trouble adjusting to new nanny after move

[Anonymous]

We recently moved to a new state and our kids (3 and 4) are having a hard time adjusting to our new nanny. We had the previous one for four years since the first was born, so I totally get it, but I'm stressed out from them being upset every morning when we leave for work. The new nanny is nice, energetic, fun, and experienced. Our kids had spent time with her before we moved and loved her. They were even great the first two days, and then things started going badly. They have talked to their former nanny and she's coming to visit in July, although I appreciate that they are sad that she's no longer in their life. I have tried asking them what we can do to help them be happier and make things easier but they're either not able to come up with anything or they'll say something and we'll do it but it won't make a difference the next morning. I get that there is also the stress of being in a new place, but they seem to be really happy about the other parts of their new life and haven't said anything about missing friends, old play places, anything. Any ideas of things we can do or the nanny can do to make things easier?

[Anonymous]

I think you just have to give it time. Are they with the nanny full-time? I might look to transition them to preschool in the not-too-distant future given their ages; that would give them a space to establish new friendships in the new state. Hopefully that is already part of the plan, and will help come fall.

[Anonymous]

Talk to them because if they keep acting like this, she may find another job. Your kids need to learn that life has changes and stop their whining. I

[Anonymous]

Stop focusing on it with the kids, and definitely do not tell the children that retaining the nanny is their responsibility. Don't expect your 3 and 4 year old to be able to help you make them happy - it's

Talk with your new nanny and see what she suggests.

Put together a list of fun things to go see/do/explore in your new area. Make the new nanny the source of great fun and happy adventures.

Don't focus on talking about your former nanny.

Just plan to ride it out - if you're anxious and panicky about your kids' anxiety or the nanny leaving or the transition or whatever , the kids will totally pick up on that. If you're calm, matter of fact, straightforward and upbeat the kids will pick up on that too. Hopefully your new nanny brings that kind of attitude to the table as well.

Your kids are young - don't give them so much emotional power. All shall be well!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, first line... ...it's not within their emotional or developmental ability to be articulate about what they need during a transition. It just creates stress and anxiety for them as you transmit your own worries.

[Anonymous]

It is totally understandable - they love their old nanny and miss her. Like anything else, give it time. Make sure the new nanny speaks well of the old nanny and tells the kids how she can’t wait to meet her.

Also, my friend’s daughter (same situation) refused to call the new nanny her nanny but was happy to say she was a babysitter. Only her old nanny was her nanny. Somehow this helped her!

[Anonymous]

Do boring things with the kids, and have the nanny do treats, fun things and introduce them to kids. They will realize quickly that staying with a parent means more of same-old things, while nanny is fun and exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just have to give it time. Are they with the nanny full-time? I might look to transition them to preschool in the not-too-distant future given their ages; that would give them a space to establish new friendships in the new state. Hopefully that is already part of the plan, and will help come fall.

Thanks. They were with her full time for the first two weeks and then started day camp half-days for the summer and they will be in preschool M-F come September. I thought the full days would be easier so they could adjust, sleep in, etc., but it seems like it might have backfired a bit. At least now there are only a few weeks with full-time before school starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop focusing on it with the kids, and definitely do not tell the children that retaining the nanny is their responsibility. Don't expect your 3 and 4 year old to be able to help you make them happy - it's

Talk with your new nanny and see what she suggests.

Put together a list of fun things to go see/do/explore in your new area. Make the new nanny the source of great fun and happy adventures.

Don't focus on talking about your former nanny.

Just plan to ride it out - if you're anxious and panicky about your kids' anxiety or the nanny leaving or the transition or whatever , the kids will totally pick up on that. If you're calm, matter of fact, straightforward and upbeat the kids will pick up on that too. Hopefully your new nanny brings that kind of attitude to the table as well.

Your kids are young - don't give them so much emotional power. All shall be well!

Honestly, it's their former nanny that is the one who keeps wanting to talk/FaceTime with them. I would have been fine making a cleaner cut, at least at the beginning, but she keeps asking to talk to them on the weekends and will call/FaceTime when they're with their new nanny during the week.

We've always been calm about transitions and the kids have never cried when being dropped off for school, gymnastics class, camp, you name it. We're all being super positive and happy about it and talking about all the new things they can do with the new nanny in the new city but it was still tough. They're just usually such happy go lucky kids. I'm not trying to give the sadness weight so they don't think we're validating it, but I also don't want to be totally cold and not acknowledge their feelings at all.

[Anonymous]

Then say no to your former nanny OP - if that's exacerbating things for the kids then tell her that things are hectic, the kids are adjusting and to please not call during the week.

And tell your new nanny she doesn't need to accept those calls.

That's totally undermining the new nanny's relationship and is not helpful to your kids so control that the same way you're controller your attitude.

[Anonymous]

I had this issue in the past because the old nanny of 5 years kept calling and popping by. I quit after 6 months of the kids not liking me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue in the past because the old nanny of 5 years kept calling and popping by. I quit after 6 months of the kids not liking me.

Maybe one day you'll have a job where you actually form an attachment with the children and then you will understand how hard it is to leave them. But you'll also be more mature then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this issue in the past because the old nanny of 5 years kept calling and popping by. I quit after 6 months of the kids not liking me.

Maybe one day you'll have a job where you actually form an attachment with the children and then you will understand how hard it is to leave them. But you'll also be more mature then.

[b]

My last two jobs were both 5 years, so yeah I don't regret leaving the job with stalker old nanny! But nice try!

[Anonymous]

Oh and btw it's about the kids not the nanny! It's best for the kids to move on and attach to their new caregiver/ maybe you should take some child development classes before handing out dumb advice!

[Anonymous]

i would ask the old nanny to back off for a bit. i know how hard it is to leave a long term position-i was with one family for 7.5yrs. and 5yrs after leaving the family i am still in touch with them. but at the beginning i made sure i gave the kids space to attach to the new nanny