new stepfather is upsetting the applecart

[Anonymous]

I work for divorced parents that share 50/50 custody. I was reluctant to take this position at first but it has worked out. I provide care for whichever parent has custody that week at their house. I work under a contract and have guaranteed hours and benefits. DC goes to preschool 10 hours a week. To fill these 10 hours I will do only child related cleaning tasks and I've been doing a lot of cooking from scratch for DC. I do not do any other types of domestic chores. NONE! I was clear about this in my interview.

MB got remarried and her new husband (who works from home) has tried to assign me cleaning tasks outside of taking care of DC. I told him I did not do that and he dropped it that day. The very next day he said that I can only clean so much for DC. He felt that it was not a big deal for me to do some basic household chores. He said I had enough time to go to Starbucks. This really upset me. I told him my contract was between MB and DB and that if he had issues with me he needed to speak with them. I felt he was so out of line and crossed major boundaries.

I notified both of them via email what had transpired. MB was very apologetic and said she wanted me to solely take care of DC and I earned every break I took. She said her husband would not be an issue in the future. DB told me that if this happened again to call him immediately and he would straighten him out.

The next week I worked at DB house and everything went smoothly. I then returned to MB house. I saw the stepfather in passing and he did not say a word. Later on he came out in the kitchen and he was glaring at me. I have a feeling he had his @$$ handed to him by both parents. Again he did not say a word. I hate working with this kind of tension. I swear I can feel him glaring at me as I walk to my car to pick up DC from his office window. I have grown to love this job and now I feel like there is a damper over it. The stepdad is not allowed to give me any type of instructions or interfere with my care of DC but the tension is still there. MB texted me and asked me how everything is going. I just said me and her husband have not spoken.

Do you think it would be okay to ask if I can take care of DC at DB's house full time? I could return him to MB house right before she gets home. I worry my presence will put some kind of strain on her marriage and make things harder.

[Anonymous]

Your suggestion is an excellent solution. New hubby should be pleased to have the house to himself. He sounds like big trouble. (Why did she marry him?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your suggestion is an excellent solution. New hubby should be pleased to have the house to himself. He sounds like big trouble. (Why did she marry him?)

Before these incidents he was always very nice to me. It's like me having any kind of down time is an issue for him. DC likes him and he seems to make MB very happy. I don't know why he would come in and try and change my duties. I hate the tension my standing up for myself has created.

[Anonymous]

I bet in a few weeks this will have blown over. If it hasn't then you can speak with the MB and request a meeting with the 2 of them (her and her new husband - keep the ex husband (DB) out of this!)

During the sit-down you can discuss your contract, your role, and say that you are uncomfortable with the level of tension int he house. And then turn to the new husband and say 'how can you help solve this tension you have with me, Step-Father?' Because it's up to HIM to solve it - she can't make him do anything differently. He needs to man up.

BUT for the next two weeks just treat him like normal, saying hi when you see him, when he enters a room, ask him questions, etc. Even if he doesn't answer, treat him absolutely normally. Many times this will get these pouty adults to get over themselves and stop doing it.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP for taking a stand!
I know it must not have been an easy task.

I wouldn’t let the new Stepfather get to me honestly.
If he wants to act this immature + rude, that is HIS issue to deal with honestly.

However if the environment really makes you feel uncomfortable, then I would ask your Mom Boss if you can work at her ex-husband’s home.
You shouldn’t ever have to feel uncomfortable at work, especially for doing the right thing.

Over time, the Stepfather needs to get over himself.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he wants you to quit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your suggestion is an excellent solution. New hubby should be pleased to have the house to himself. He sounds like big trouble. (Why did she marry him?)

Before these incidents he was always very nice to me. It's like me having any kind of down time is an issue for him. DC likes him and he seems to make MB very happy. I don't know why he would come in and try and change my duties. I hate the tension my standing up for myself has created.

This is a huge problem in second marriages. He sees the money MB is spending on you as not benefiting him at all, and depleting the marital assets. He'd probably prefer DS was in daycare, and the extra money freed up to go toward a housekeeper or vacation or something.

Some people should nor marry people with children.

This is not your problem, and if DB is amenable, I would totally try to make that switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your suggestion is an excellent solution. New hubby should be pleased to have the house to himself. He sounds like big trouble. (Why did she marry him?)

Before these incidents he was always very nice to me. It's like me having any kind of down time is an issue for him. DC likes him and he seems to make MB very happy. I don't know why he would come in and try and change my duties. I hate the tension my standing up for myself has created.

This is a huge problem in second marriages. He sees the money MB is spending on you as not benefiting him at all, and depleting the marital assets. He'd probably prefer DS was in daycare, and the extra money freed up to go toward a housekeeper or vacation or something.

Some people should nor marry people with children.

This is not your problem, and if DB is amenable, I would totally try to make that switch.

+1

I was in a similar situation OP. MB was a single mom and married boyfriend of 2 years. He came back from honeymoon and tried to take over. Told me I was overpaid (I wasn’t) and kept adding tasks I refused to do. Ended up quitting because new husband worked from home and made my life horrible. Was also not kind to my NKs. 18 months later they divorced and I came back.

[Anonymous]

OP: How is the stepdad with his stepchild?

[Anonymous]

10 hours is a lot of downtime. He's right.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So not so good. I overheard MB and her husband arguing in a loud whisper before she left for work. He said the "domestic help" has more of a say than he does. MB said when it comes to her son he has no say and she depends on me to take care of him and to drop it. I don't know how this is going to work. I feel really bad right now. Not even so much for being called the domestic help but I am going to feel even more dread going to her house now with him there.

I texted MB and asked if we could talk. I am going to see if she will let me work at DB house full time. I was hoping this would blow over but he seems to be even more upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So not so good. I overheard MB and her husband arguing in a loud whisper before she left for work. He said the "domestic help" has more of a say than he does. MB said when it comes to her son he has no say and she depends on me to take care of him and to drop it. I don't know how this is going to work. I feel really bad right now. Not even so much for being called the domestic help but I am going to feel even more dread going to her house now with him there.

I texted MB and asked if we could talk. I am going to see if she will let me work at DB house full time. I was hoping this would blow over but he seems to be even more upset.

Good news is that this marriage will be over soon, and he'll be gone.

Hopefully, she'll agree to working at DB's house until that happens.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like step dad would like you to do some of the things he should be doing. He needs to keep out of it. Not his kid and you don't work for him. He's responding with the silent treatment because he can't push you around. He needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I really have nothing to add. That is such a ridiculous situation and I really just wanted to say I’m sorry this is happening to you, OP! That really sucks.

I also agree with your solution of only working at the dads house. Hopefully he would be amenable to that.

The new husband should support his wife’s decisions about HER son. What insanity.

[Anonymous]

I had a situation like this with the grandparents interfering. Grandma yelled at me one day, I called MB at the office, she came home and grandma yelled about me to MB. MB told her mom she was unreasonable and took my side. Grandma went nuts and hasn't returned. It's been 5 years. I've asked MB if I should apologize and she said no way, grandma was out of line. They have always had problems and I guess sadly that was the straw!