Are the excepted "nanny rules" different when the MB is a single parent?

[Anonymous]

I am looking to hire a nanny in August for a newborn and a five-year-old. It also looks like my marriage is ending. So the nanny will just have me to deal with and I will need more help than I did with our older child's nanny.

Would you nannies be offended if I asked you to do my laundry as well as the baby's and DCs? Aside from cleaning up after the children (older one is in school 9 to 3), that is all I would expect you to do.

I am really going to be stressed with two children and no help from a partner on a daily basis.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

If I worked for a single Mom who treated me well I wouldn't mind. Especially if it's just tossing in with the kids and folding.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP above. While I am pretty strict about only doing what is directly related to the children, I would, of course, be willing to helping out a single mother. Be kind to your nanny, OP, and she will go above and beyond for you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve worked for 2 single moms and 1 two Mom family and frankly all three were some of my favorite positions. Maybe it’s just an coincidence.

Be upfront about expectations with all applicants and have pay reflect duties.

I wouldn’t mind at all, as long as I was respected and household duties didn’t take over childcare duties.

Respect and appreciation always means a lot!

[Anonymous]

In a word, yes. I would be much more open to helping a single mother even if it meant adding more to my plate. With an infant and a elementary aged charge, your nanny's time is going to be limited but throwing in your laundry with the kids (if that is okay) is doable.

[Anonymous]

I'd recommend keeping your undies separate and doing them yourself. Most nannies really don't want to deal with your personal things.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP--that is tough!

I think the key to having the support you need is to be very upfront about what responsibilities you are hoping the nanny will take on. If you advertise it as just the kids' laundry and then throw in your own, that could lead to some resentment. If you advertise it as just what you wrote above and someone is down with that, you'd be in good shape. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. There are a lot of great and supportive nannies on this thread today - thank you! I will make not of all of your greatly appreciated advice.

[Anonymous]

First, OP, I am really sorry. Second, yes - I would be willing to go above and beyond to help out a single mother.

[Anonymous]

OP, there will be people willing to help with laundry and household duties and not just nanny. Just make it an expectation upfront.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say the same as a PP above regarding your underwear. I will somewhat begrudgingly manage your clean underwear but I really don't want anything to do with your dirty underwear, especially before I really get to know and care about you (but even then that would be pushing it.)

That said, I will absolutely go above and beyond to help a mother (single or not) who is kind to me, treats me respectfully, doesn't micromanage, communicates effectively (don't say it's ok if it's not or tell me not to do something if you really want me to do it and will hold a grudge if I don't) and has clear and consistent expectations. The family I've been working for for 3 yrs is going through a divorce. They're in a good place now (haven't filed yet but it's imminent) but I've gone out of my way to be flexible and helpful during what is surely a stressful time for them. (It is for me!)

Good luck OP, just know it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I also don’t want to deal with your undies, but I work for a single dad and I help with his laundry. He sorts as he goes so I dump the entire hamper of lights into the washer with kid stuff without having to touch it, then rotate to the dryer, then I throw his freshly laundered undies, socks, jammies and undershirts into a hamper and only fold his pants and shirts.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to wash your underwear but anything else is fine!

[Anonymous]

I am an older nanny, probably the age of your mother, OP, and I would have no problem washing your underwear (in the machine, of course).

If a person has reasonable personal hygiene habits, I don;t see the big deal.


And, OP, I am sorry you are going through a tough time. Yes, as a nanny, I would do more for a single mother who was in a tough transitional time in her life.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. Easiest thing to do is what PP said and have everything ready to throw in the wash. I actually prefer to wash adults' clothes separate from kid clothes, because it's easier for me to put away, so having a hamper or basket of your clothes in the laundry room or outside your bedroom door, that works. Another thing you could do is just keep your underwear separate and toss them straight in the washer yourself, and nanny could worry about sorting and turning the rest right side out later.

Washing your sheets shouldn't be an issue either, but don't ask the nanny to make your bed again. Most nannies aren't comfortable going in their employers' bedrooms, so make it clear that you don't expect that.