Nanny share with nanny’s baby

[Anonymous]

Hi all - we love our nanny and she has been watching DS since he was a baby. He is going to half day preschool in the fall, and we are due with our second this summer. Turns out, she is also pregnant and due three months after me. We are discussing having her bring her baby as a “share”. She would care for both babies in the AM, then pick up DS and watch all three in the afternoon. Thoughts on whether this is a workable idea? And, what would the change/reduction in her pay be for bringing her baby? We had agreed to pay $22 for her to watch both of our kids (without her baby).

[Anonymous]

I would try to work this out given how long she's been caring for your family.

[Anonymous]

What are you paying her now? I might just forego the baby raise in exchange for having her bring her child, or, alternatively, stay with the $22 (if you already told her about it), but tell her there will be no future raises as long as she brings her child.

There will be a number of additional costs to this set up since you will have to provide a house and transportation set up for three children. If this is someone you really want to keep, I would be willing to work all of that out, but I would want to reign the cost of her rate + overtime.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't lower her salary because she brings her own baby.
Doing so would be the best way to upset her and make her probably leave.
If you like her and she's a good nanny, I'd find another way to make it all work so that everybody's happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't lower her salary because she brings her own baby.
Doing so would be the best way to upset her and make her probably leave.
If you like her and she's a good nanny, I'd find another way to make it all work so that everybody's happy.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

How much do you like the current nanny? Your kids might be better off with a new nanny who can focus on only them. That gives the newborn all the attention while the older child is in school and the preschooler gets nanny to himself while the new sibling is sleeping after school. Three kids will make it harder for the nanny to do any kids' laundry or cleaning she might be doing now, so take that into account. And as you have already negotiated a 2 child rate, you would not need to pay more (possibly less). I agree it would be hard to take back the raise now that you mentioned the $22, but it's a lot to pay when you'll be getting less from the caregiver.

If you really LOVE her, it's not insurmountable, but note the two babies will both need to be packed up for the preschool pick-up. Besides having to carry two babies/carriers, she's going to need to get your preschooler safely in and out of the vehicle. Having use of a garage would be best for that. And obviously, you or she needs to have a vehicle with room for 3 car seats. That probably means one with three rows of seats. If he's not already doing it, have your DS start buckling himself into his seat. (Always check on that, but get him working on it while you/nanny are getting the babies in the car.) You won't necessarily need this type of vehicle if you decide not to retain the current nanny, so that's another possible cost.

[Anonymous]

You need to decide if you want to do this as an actual share or if you just want to pay the nanny less for the perk of her bringing her child. If you are going to do it as a legit share then you would have the benefit of lowering nanny's rate considerably (typically in this share each parent would pay $11-13/hr) but you need to also understand that nanny gets equal say in a share just as another parent would. So her baby's needs, nap schedules, food, etc are just as equal and important as your kids and you guys will have to work all that at. Now if you want the same benefits of your nanny but she just wants to bring her child I'd probably choose the route someone else suggested and just phrase it as an added benefit instead of giving her a new baby raise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to decide if you want to do this as an actual share or if you just want to pay the nanny less for the perk of her bringing her child. If you are going to do it as a legit share then you would have the benefit of lowering nanny's rate considerably (typically in this share each parent would pay $11-13/hr) but you need to also understand that nanny gets equal say in a share just as another parent would. So her baby's needs, nap schedules, food, etc are just as equal and important as your kids and you guys will have to work all that at. Now if you want the same benefits of your nanny but she just wants to bring her child I'd probably choose the route someone else suggested and just phrase it as an added benefit instead of giving her a new baby raise.

And if the latter, it's a huge benefit to the nanny and your kids will have 1/2 the attention they would otherwise have had.

[Anonymous]

On a personal level, I am not sure this set-up would be a good idea.

Reason being is that caring for one infant is HARD.
Add another into the mix & I see a tired and extremely overwhelmed Nanny who likely will not have had a decent nights sleep, yet needs to be on her toes w/three young children most of the day.

Since she will have her baby AND yours at the same time, what will she do when both babies are wailing over being hungry, tired, wet + not being held?
One baby will always be put on the back-burner and it likely will be yours.

Plus she will have to drag both babies in to pick-up your son from preschool everyday which means getting both babies ready to leave the house which usually takes a lot of prep.

Just sounds like a lot of work.
Sure, there are Nannies who brag all the time that they care for multiples all the time, but what they fail to mention is that the children they care for do not receive the personal attention they each deserve.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

It isn't a good idea, OP. A woman will always favor their own child. It's how we survive as a species.

Just find another nanny for your two kids and raise the hourly a little. It would be far better in the long run. Do not let this current nanny leave her own baby with a relative while she came to nanny your baby - there will be resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't a good idea, OP. A woman will always favor their own child. It's how we survive as a species.

Just find another nanny for your two kids and raise the hourly a little. It would be far better in the long run. Do not let this current nanny leave her own baby with a relative while she came to nanny your baby - there will be resentment.

You're jealous that you don't have such a great nanny. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't a good idea, OP. A woman will always favor their own child. It's how we survive as a species.

Just find another nanny for your two kids and raise the hourly a little. It would be far better in the long run. Do not let this current nanny leave her own baby with a relative while she came to nanny your baby - there will be resentment.

You're jealous that you don't have such a great nanny. Got it.

I am a nanny, Idiot. My kids are in college and graduate school.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the responses. We really love our nanny so we're going to try to make it work. We talked through some of the issues and concerns with her and she is extremely reasonable and realistic about what some of the difficulties will be. We'll see how it all shakes out!

[Anonymous]

Keep us posted on this one OP!

It may be a good example of what to do or not to do depending on the eventual outcome.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Will you be taking maternity leave? She will likely need time off before and after the birth of her child.