How to have the "we're not going to extend" discussion

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what our AP is thinking, but my guess is she'd want to extend. We don't want to for a variety of reasons, some of which stem from the variety of warnings on here that it's a bad idea. Our APs start in August so we'd want to start looking next month, but I want to tell her first. How do we start that conversation?

[Anonymous]

I would just let her know that you’re starting to look for your next au pair candidate. Tell her that some point you might be interested in having her chat with anyone that seems like they might be a good fit after a couple of interviews and ask if she’d be willing to do that. If she expresses that she hoped to extend tell her kindly but without any room for argument that you have a no extension policy.

[Anonymous]

And talk up how exciting it would be to go to another city and family.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you've never extended before, which makes it relatively easy ! You can just say you don't extend as a rule, because you believe the program works best at only one year to avoid burnout , continue the cultural exchange which is mostly done by the end of year 1, etc. It's when you've extended successfully in the past, and this is well known, and don't want to extend with THIS au pair that you have a tricky conversation ahead ...

[Anonymous]

We do not have sit down formal discussion about it. We have casual conversations about what she wants for her next year and how seeing a new part of the country is in her best interest. If they have bf or gf you can turn it around on that that is not a good reason to want to stay with your family. We focus on the positives of the adventure of being in America and how we would help them with whatever decision they make; but clearly eliminate us extending with them. We are on AP 6 and never extended. And current AP is great and still not an option.

We have same arrival time of august and ccap just sent the auto email to APs about extension so it makes sense those APs will bring it up soon.

[Anonymous]

In doesn't help now, but I say in interview that I we keep our au pairs only for one year. That's the expectation I set up front. My thinking is that in the event where we were blown away and I wanted to extend, I could still always ask anyway. The only time we ever wanted to extend was with a year2 AP, so that wasn't even possible.

[Anonymous]

"What are you plans for next year?" shows interest in her future but makes it clear it won't be together with you. We don't extend, but I am not APs mother, and this is one area where I will not bear guilt for her lack of momentum.