How to deal with a wishy washy MB

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to get a bit frustrated with MB. First of all, I am not a nanny. The initial childcare arrangement was supposed to be at my home. We both have toddlers the same age and we live about 1 mile away from each other. We agreed on a rate and that childcare would be at my house. A few days after starting, MB asked if I could come to her apartment. She said it would be temporary. I agreed thinking it may be fun to go somewhere else for a change. The weekend comes around and she tells me it's ok if we host at my house next week because she feels her daughter is getting used to being with us during the day. She also said it will help her get to work on time?

And then Monday NIGHT she asked if we could start at 7:30 am instead of 8 am and indirectly hints that I am supposed to come to her house. She said she cleaned the house and hopes we won't mess it up next week- something like that. I told her I was confused because we talked about hosting at my place this week. She said I made it seem like either arrangement was fine. I am the type to plan things in advance and stick to my word, so this has been very frustrating. I also suggested we could switch each week back and forth as a comprise and she said she thinks it will be confusing for her daughter this way.

I think it makes more sense to host at my place for a few reasons:
1)My pay rate is not hourly.
2) MB is often late coming home. I was getting really frustrated because I wanted to be at home preparing dinner. And she doesn't take responsibility for being late. It's always someone fault etc.
3) It's easier for me to cook at my house. My pay rate includes money to cook her daughter healthy meals.
4) We don't have a TV at my house and MB does. I am trying to be screen-free until my son is a little older.
5) MB has said it's ok if I want to take care of another child. I am not open to that right now but may change my mind in the future. This would be a way to increase my salary.


One more thing- MB dropped off her daughter crying this morning. She said she overslept and missed a meeting. I have a feeling she is going to ask me to come to her house again because " it will help her be out the door in time to go to work". How is it my problem she can't get ready on time? She's been late to drop her daughter off every day I hosted at my place and she leaves even later when I was at her house. Should I just give it to her straight that I am frustrated with her indecisiveness? How can I go about this in a nice but clear manner?

Also, I want to say that I love, love, love her daughter. She's an angel and it has made things sooooooooo much easier for me. My son has a playmate and he's so much happier now. They both seem really happy to be together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to get a bit frustrated with MB. First of all, I am not a nanny. The initial childcare arrangement was supposed to be at my home. We both have toddlers the same age and we live about 1 mile away from each other. We agreed on a rate and that childcare would be at my house. A few days after starting, MB asked if I could come to her apartment. She said it would be temporary. I agreed thinking it may be fun to go somewhere else for a change. The weekend comes around and she tells me it's ok if we host at my house next week because she feels her daughter is getting used to being with us during the day. She also said it will help her get to work on time?

And then Monday NIGHT she asked if we could start at 7:30 am instead of 8 am and indirectly hints that I am supposed to come to her house. She said she cleaned the house and hopes we won't mess it up next week- something like that. I told her I was confused because we talked about hosting at my place this week. She said I made it seem like either arrangement was fine. I am the type to plan things in advance and stick to my word, so this has been very frustrating. I also suggested we could switch each week back and forth as a comprise and she said she thinks it will be confusing for her daughter this way.

I think it makes more sense to host at my place for a few reasons:
1)My pay rate is not hourly.
2) MB is often late coming home. I was getting really frustrated because I wanted to be at home preparing dinner. And she doesn't take responsibility for being late. It's always someone fault etc.
3) It's easier for me to cook at my house. My pay rate includes money to cook her daughter healthy meals.
4) We don't have a TV at my house and MB does. I am trying to be screen-free until my son is a little older.
5) MB has said it's ok if I want to take care of another child. I am not open to that right now but may change my mind in the future. This would be a way to increase my salary.


One more thing- MB dropped off her daughter crying this morning. She said she overslept and missed a meeting. I have a feeling she is going to ask me to come to her house again because " it will help her be out the door in time to go to work". How is it my problem she can't get ready on time? She's been late to drop her daughter off every day I hosted at my place and she leaves even later when I was at her house. Should I just give it to her straight that I am frustrated with her indecisiveness? How can I go about this in a nice but clear manner?

Also, I want to say that I love, love, love her daughter. She's an angel and it has made things sooooooooo much easier for me. My son has a playmate and he's so much happier now. They both seem really happy to be together.

OP here: My pay rate is very similar to an in-home daycare rate. I want to make this part clear.

[Anonymous]

The details suggest that you are not asking about a wishy-washy person at all, but a flaky person.

Wishy-washy means they don't have strong opinions. Flaky means they don't follow through on what they said they would do.

[Anonymous]

Cut your losses early and dissolve this ridiculous situation. She is taking advantage of you and it will never end. Revise you salary and start hourly rate plus OT.

[Anonymous]

Have you been direct with her and say "You keep asking me to come to your house, but our original agreement was that this situation was like an in-home daycare. The daycare location is at my house, and I need it to stay that way. If what you're looking for is a nanny to come to your house, then I'm sorry, but this arrangement isn't going to work."

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a disaster. I can't imagine this ever ending up well. That being said, I bet you could find somebody who would be very happy with this arrangement and would treat you much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you been direct with her and say "You keep asking me to come to your house, but our original agreement was that this situation was like an in-home daycare. The daycare location is at my house, and I need it to stay that way. If what you're looking for is a nanny to come to your house, then I'm sorry, but this arrangement isn't going to work."

This! Time to be direct OP. This lady is taking advantage of you and sounds like a real mess!

[Anonymous]

You seem wishy-washy. You seem like the kind of person who is trying to appear easy-going when you really have a distinct preference for something specific but you're not saying that.

"Janice, this will work if Larla comes to my house each day. Let's plan for that going forward."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem wishy-washy. You seem like the kind of person who is trying to appear easy-going when you really have a distinct preference for something specific but you're not saying that.

"Janice, this will work if Larla comes to my house each day. Let's plan for that going forward."

Something specific? She made it clear in the beginning it's a home daycare at HER house. MB never should have asked you to change the terms OP. It's incredibility rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem wishy-washy. You seem like the kind of person who is trying to appear easy-going when you really have a distinct preference for something specific but you're not saying that.

"Janice, this will work if Larla comes to my house each day. Let's plan for that going forward."

Something specific? She made it clear in the beginning it's a home daycare at HER house. MB never should have asked you to change the terms OP. It's incredibility rude.

Ok, it's rude. But OP also agreed to it, making it seem like she was open to changing the arrangement. Now she needs to do what another PP said, and address this politely, but directly.

OP, I think it's perfectly fine to say that you only want to host at your house. You could remind her about the food, and also that your rate is not set for being a nanny in her home. Offer to do that for $5/hr more + stipend for food for both kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the problem is. You're doing a nanny share. It's only fair to switch back and forth.

[Anonymous]

1) If you plan to run this as a home daycare, she’s not your boss, she’s a client. You dictate the terms and she accepts as-is or finds another provider. This is important because you need to shift your mindset, which brings me to...

2) Figure out what services you provide as a daycare operator and then communicate that clearly. If you are willing to work out of her home sometimes, how often and under what circumstances? If this was just a temporary thing to help her child transition, tell her that clearly. If you would be willing to work in her home indefinitely for a higher rate, tell her that.

3) Whatever you decide, put it in writing. She is clearly the type to “remember” things her own way, so put it all in black and white and have her sign or move on to another client.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the problem is. You're doing a nanny share. It's only fair to switch back and forth.

It's a SAHM who babysits. Very different than a nanny share.