How do I communicate when something is a request, not a demand--e.g. Babysitting on off hours

[Anonymous]

We have a great nanny, who my kid adores. I've asked her to babysit on evenings and weekends occasionally, and I always say "it's ok if you aren't available--I just always ask you before other sitters because my daughter loves you!" She almost always says "yes" to these requests and I'm a bit worried that she feels obligated. The contract says something about her regular hours and "other hours as needed." I believe the goal was to establish that if one of the families in the share needed an extra half hour here or there, she'd try to be flexible. I don't want her to think that she has to take on extra hours of babysitting. But, on the other hand, is she wants the extra cash, I much prefer having her babysit over finding someone else.

How do I broach this with her? What I can I say/do to make it clear that she's not obligated to babysit outside of assigned hours?

[Anonymous]

If she wanted to say no, she would.

I said yes 95% of the time to my previous NF because I didn’t anyone else babysitting my Nks (besides their family).

[Anonymous]

If she has ever said no, she knows she can say no. Keep telling her that she has the right to refuse.

Personally, as a nanny, I want to be the one to put my charge to sleep when her parents go out. I just don't want to stress my charge out with a babysitter she isn't as comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

I think you just articulated it very well in your post OP!


Just tell her what you told us & I am sure everything will be a-ok!

[Anonymous]

I phrased it instead as, "I'm giving you right of first refusal." The idea is that she knows we always want her if she's interested, and also that she gets first crack at extra money, but that we have other options if she's not interested.

[Anonymous]

I think you're probably overthinking it OP. BUt if you're concerned, just say to her "We're so lucky that you're willing to take on these additional hours Lucy, but I want to make sure you know that I would completely understand if you said no. I totally get it if you want your weekends to yourself sometimes, or you'd just rather not work, or whatever... I just want to make sure you know that while I always call you first it isn't at all an obligation."

- MB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]If she wanted to say no, she would.
[/b]
I said yes 95% of the time to my previous NF because I didn’t anyone else babysitting my Nks (besides their family).

It never hurts to ask BUT some people/cultures it's rude to say no or, they might feel a sense of obligation (not by the MB) to accept.

[Anonymous]

I always say yes because I need the extra money. Sometimes my boss gets a babysitter to take over for me and it's annoying because I'm already there and would rather just keep working. Like I do the hard work during the daytime and babysitter gets to come and watch Netflix while they sleep?? They say it's to give me a break. Ok then have the babysitter come from 3-7 instead- that's a break!

[Anonymous]

All you can do is ask and take her answer at face value. I always give our nanny the right of first refusal and she's never once said no. Sometimes she'll come up with other activities to do if she's babysitting or will have her husband come over or will go out to dinner with the kids and him and I always say yes to these activities since they might help break up the extra long day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always say yes because I need the extra money. Sometimes my boss gets a babysitter to take over for me and it's annoying because I'm already there and would rather just keep working. Like I do the hard work during the daytime and babysitter gets to come and watch Netflix while they sleep?? They say it's to give me a break. Ok then have the babysitter come from 3-7 instead- that's a break!

Nanny here: I've had this happen to me too and it's annoying as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always say yes because I need the extra money. Sometimes my boss gets a babysitter to take over for me and it's annoying because I'm already there and would rather just keep working. Like I do the hard work during the daytime and babysitter gets to come and watch Netflix while they sleep?? They say it's to give me a break. Ok then have the babysitter come from 3-7 instead- that's a break!

I've had this happen, too! I was quite comfortable with that family, though, so after that happened for like the 4th of 5th time I more or less said that I needed the extra income and would be super happy to work any extra hours they wanted to offer and promised I'd refuse if I was feeling overworked. No more random babysitters for that family from them on! So maybe tell them?