Nanny Leaving After 5 Years

[Anonymous]

Nanny and family are amicably parting ways after nanny caring for child since they were an infant. If you as a parent have experienced this, how did your child react initially and throughout? How did you explain it to your child? If you knew ahead of time when did you discuss it with your child? What's the best advice you have on how you and the nanny should handle it in terms of the child's best interest?

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny & going to be in this same situation this summer. I worry about how the children are going to feel. I think it best to communicate & tell the child ahead of time but not to in advance. Makse sure the nanny has a set time to visit or call on her last day. So the child knows she is not going away forever. Make sure the child & nanny can visit or talk regularly espically in the first few months. I have been through this before & it awful. The worst part of being a nanny is saying goodbye. As a nanny you know this day is going to come & it is important to do what you can to prepare the child for it. Make sure parents & nanny are both communicating & helping child transition.

[Anonymous]

I would also add, make sure the child knows that you
aren't leaving because of something they did.

[Anonymous]

I left a family after 7 years. I was so sad, I told the kids myself though which meant a lot to me.
We were all upset but I made sure I stayed in contact with them. I still went over and took them out places sometimes, lunch, movies etc.
If this is an option for you I would say do it for the Nanny and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the kids about it in advance. Hire her to come back on occasion and have the first babysitting gig set up before her last day so the kids have something to look forward to. This is standard practice as kids age out of nanny care, though your situation may be slightly different, but the kids generally understand. But don't expect all future visits to be on the nanny's time and dime.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your "best friend" left without saying goodbye?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the kids about it in advance. Hire her to come back on occasion and have the first babysitting gig set up before her last day so the kids have something to look forward to. This is standard practice as kids age out of nanny care, though your situation may be slightly different, but the kids generally understand. But don't expect all future visits to be on the nanny's time and dime.

Expect none to be on nanny's dime. You want her to take care if your kids, pay her.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and I would never - and have never - accepted payment for visiting and babysitting former charges. I want the children to know the love and relationship was real - and in my case, it was. I pick up one of my former charges every Friday from school and have for over two years and hang out with another former charge for a few hours on the weekends a couple times a month.

OP, talk to your children with the nanny about the way things are going to be different. Stay up beat about it but acknowledge that you ALL will miss nanny. Make sure on nanny's last day that you have a concrete day to see her again - "Nanny, is coming over for dinner on Wednesday! Hooray!". Expect tears and let your kids have their feelings. Your nanny will undoubtedly be crying, too. Make a plan to see the nanny every week - for a "playdate" or to babysit and after the kids get used to their new routine, you can ease up on every week.

Also, always talk positively about the nanny and encourage the kids to tell stories about her. I let my one former charge Facetime me.

All nanny jobs end - the adults know this - but the children don't. Be kind and respect their love for their nanny.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everybody, OP here. I am in anguish over leaving "my" guys but the parting is totally amicable and I will see them after my job terminates. On my dime or their's who cares! I just want to see them. I think the parents have been making little comments because my older child has mentioned it to me but doesn't seem to be making the connection that I am actually leaving. I tried to discuss it with them briefly but I got all choked up and I don't feel that is a positive thing. I want them to feel that I am comfortable with the change, that they will always be well cared for and that I will always love them and be there for them no matter what. The change may not occur for a couple of months so I felt it was a little premature to talk about it but since the parents have mentioned it I feel maybe I should too so we're all on the same page. I don't know. I hate leaving!

[Anonymous]

Mom here, who has been through this w/ a nanny we loved and with whom we're still in touch.

From my perspective, the less negative emotion seen and experienced by the kids the better (for everyone!!)

This is a natural progression of life, and growth of the kids. Frame it for them as "Isn't it great that you get to go to school now!! This means that Jane will be going to help another family, since you'll be gone almost all day. She gets to help another family with babies - isn't that great?! I can't wait to hear about the new baby. We'll have to think of something fun we can all do together before Jane starts her new job. And we'll still see Jane all the time of course - she's coming to your birthday party next month. And she's going to babysit next week. What do you think Jane would like to do on Friday?"

Keep that kind of tone going - and don't start messaging all of this until a couple of weeks before you'll be leaving. DO, DEFINITELY, be sure that you and the parents use a similar tone, w/ a positive focus and clear plans to ensure you and the kids see each other often in the first few weeks/months. Then that can and will naturally taper off.

The parents need to drive this as they will be managing the kids' emotions during and after the transition. But you'll love your next charge and still have room in your heart for these kids. This isn't an ending, just a change and growth and new opportunities. If you can find a way to think and feel that way then the kids will totally follow your lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom here, who has been through this w/ a nanny we loved and with whom we're still in touch.

From my perspective, the less negative emotion seen and experienced by the kids the better (for everyone!!)

This is a natural progression of life, and growth of the kids. Frame it for them as "Isn't it great that you get to go to school now!! This means that Jane will be going to help another family, since you'll be gone almost all day. She gets to help another family with babies - isn't that great?! I can't wait to hear about the new baby. We'll have to think of something fun we can all do together before Jane starts her new job. And we'll still see Jane all the time of course - she's coming to your birthday party next month. And she's going to babysit next week. What do you think Jane would like to do on Friday?"

Keep that kind of tone going - and don't start messaging all of this until a couple of weeks before you'll be leaving. DO, DEFINITELY, be sure that you and the parents use a similar tone, w/ a positive focus and clear plans to ensure you and the kids see each other often in the first few weeks/months. Then that can and will naturally taper off.

The parents need to drive this as they will be managing the kids' emotions during and after the transition. But you'll love your next charge and still have room in your heart for these kids. This isn't an ending, just a change and growth and new opportunities. If you can find a way to think and feel that way then the kids will totally follow your lead.

Thank you so much PP I know you are right. In one place I'm blessed that my guys will always be in my life even if in some small way and your post helps me to feel more proactive in terms of giving my new charges the love and care they deserve.

[Anonymous]

My 2 best friends has FT nannies for the first 5-6 years. On transitioned to after school nanny, one to AP.
Both still invited former nannies to the bday parties for a year or 3.
Also both nannies babysat occasionally on weekend nights, or as fill in (of course paid)
Good transitions

[Anonymous]

I've been with my nanny family for 12 years and when it's time to leave it's going to be horrific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my nanny family for 12 years and when it's time to leave it's going to be horrific.

OP here and feel free to talk if that ever happens. We're here for you.

[Anonymous]

http://www.nannytransitions.com/2010/05/gentle-transitions-guide.html

Best advice I have seen.