How often to see a former charge?

[Anonymous]

My soon-to-be former charge is 2.5. His parents and I both agree that it is best if I phase out slowly and remain, somewhat, in his life. How often should I see him in order to make him feel comfortable?

I know many posters think that a nanny should have a clean break with her charges but neither my employers and I agree with that belief so it is useless for you to post that opinion.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Well, you and parents are wrong. As long as you are around, he will not be able to move on. I know whereof I speak as after my mother died when I was four, I had a nanny who took care of me until I began first grade. She would come to see me once a week an and I would cry for two days after that visit.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have a nanny, but my 2.5 yo just spent two months with his grandparents, and they left. He's over it, and it took 1 day. Sometimes he asks, and I say they got on the bus to go home. Kid will be fine.

[Anonymous]

What we did was once a week for a month, then every other week for a month, then once a month the old nanny came over for dinner with the whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you and parents are wrong. As long as you are around, he will not be able to move on. I know whereof I speak as after my mother died when I was four, I had a nanny who took care of me until I began first grade. She would come to see me once a week an and I would cry for two days after that visit.

Yeah, I don't think a kid who lost a parent and had a nanny essentially step into that role is exactly a typical case.

I typically babysit for former charges 1-2 times per month.

[Anonymous]

No one should ever abandon a child if possible. The charge doesn't see the nanny as an employee - it is a relationship. So see your charge every week to start. Give him the day that he will see you again and be excited about it. "Hooray! I am coming back on Tuesday!" Once he knows that you come back, you can drop to every other week.

My son gets postcards from his former nanny - which thrills him to no end - and sees her once a week. We are blessed to have this amazing woman in our lives.

[Anonymous]

Gotta love the two posters who go ahead and give their opinions even though OP said it would be useless to do so!

OP, it all depends on your schedule. Having the former nanny and new nanny overlap for a week with former nanny slowly pulling back as the week progressed really helped my DD. Then, once a week with always the promise and plan for the next visit - as the PP suggested. Then the visits became less and less frequent. DD still sees her former nanny and still loves her but accepts the infrequency of her visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love the two posters who go ahead and give their opinions even though OP said it would be useless to do so!

OP, it all depends on your schedule. Having the former nanny and new nanny overlap for a week with former nanny slowly pulling back as the week progressed really helped my DD. Then, once a week with always the promise and plan for the next visit - as the PP suggested. Then the visits became less and less frequent. DD still sees her former nanny and still loves her but accepts the infrequency of her visits.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm 39 and still see my old nanny (and her now grown kids!). We see each other about once a year during the summer. She was always in my life in some way. Only you and the family know the right answer in terms of frequency and format. Babysitting a few times a month (or even once a week if it makes sense) would be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm 39 and still see my old nanny (and her now grown kids!). We see each other about once a year during the summer. She was always in my life in some way. Only you and the family know the right answer in terms of frequency and format. Babysitting a few times a month (or even once a week if it makes sense) would be great.

I love this! Thank you for posting, PP.

[Anonymous]

I would say twice a week the first week for a couple hours each time. The second week once a week for an couple hours. The next week the same and the fourth week once for an hour. Play by ear and adjust as needed. I would plan to go beyond one month.

[Anonymous]

Oops should have said - I wouldn't plan to go beyond one month

[Anonymous]

Dont overthink this. Tons of folks use nannies and the kid and families all move on eventually. We had an awesome nanny for 3.5 years. She stopped work and DD started PK the next day. We still hire nanny for sitting about 1 or 2 times a month but DD seems fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't have a nanny, but my 2.5 yo just spent two months with his grandparents, and they left. He's over it, and it took 1 day. Sometimes he asks, and I say they got on the bus to go home. Kid will be fine.

This is not the same thing.

Let's not compare apples to oranges here.

PP, your child knows his grandparents are his family and will be in the family forever.
He isn't too worried about never seeing them again.

A Nanny is much different.
He doesn't have the same security of knowing the Nanny will be in his life forever.

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny for more than 3 years. It's three years later now and we still see her several times a year.

My advice would be:

- don't make too huge a thing of it. Kids take their cues from the adults so if you all have the attitude that this is not a huge deal and Johnny will see Nanny Annie soon then he'll work from that.
- plan something tangible in the near'ish future. "Nanny Annie will be here next week!" Then set up a couple of times when you can babysit in the first few weeks (so it's still the caregiver dynamic - not just a visiting friend).
- then you just space out the visits as you and the family wish. How much contact you all want to have is really up to you. The attitude the parents have when talking about you, and talking to the child about whatever change is happening, is the most important piece of this (IMO).