What's your best advice to au pairs?

[Anonymous]

This is general. Let's keep it positive.
I asked my first au pair what she would tell someone and she said: Don't necessarily go for the big house, big city, rich family. Go for the family you will bond with and enjoy being around.
I think she had a lot of friends that went after the private suite, fancy area, but they ended up in rematch.
Of course this is not 100% accurate, but I thought it was a mature observation at the end of her year for a young woman who probably had initial dreams of living on the beach in CA with a luxury car to drive, but our beater sedan ended up being a-ok.
What other suggestions/advice would you give an au pair? And again, let's keep this positive and constructive.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here. Great post !

My first advice would be to make sure of WHERE you want to spend your year.
Rural America or one of the big cities?
Pick a few States you would be happy to spend your year in and stick to finding a family there.

I agree with the OP that you should try and find a family you can bond with. Skip what the family owns, it's really not what matters for your year unless you want a free ride and if you do this program is not for you!

[Anonymous]

Ex AP here as well.

Match for the family you want to live and work with. The nicest house and the biggest city won't help if the relationship with the people you live and work with doesn't work out. You'd rather spend a year in Chicago with a family that you fit into than in Orange County with a family you don't like.

Be true to yourself. Don't pretend to be somebody you are not. You want your HF to match with you and not with who you want to be or who you think your HF wants you to be.

Listen to your mom. No, nobody wants to admit that just sometimes mothers know what they are talking about, especially not if you are 18/19/20 - but she knows you, she knows your potential and she knows your limits. She loves you, she wants your best. Listen to what she has to say.

[Anonymous]

Good suggestion above. Really focus on the family and if you feel comfortable/have a connection with them.

Then treat it as a serious commitment.

Ask a lot of questions. If there's anything you don't understand or need repeated, please ask.
Half of the problems between APs and families are just communication problems and bad assumptions being made.

Stay off your cell phone while working.

Ask for, and read thoroughly, the AP manual before you commit to match, and then again when you arrive.
Most HPs spend a lot of time on these manuals and they really contain all their rules and expectations

[Anonymous]

Bond with the kids. The connection may not be there right away, but show interest in their interests. Remember that they need consistency and you are an important person in their life.

Don't just do the very minimum. This is good advice for any job. I'm NOT saying work more than 45 hours a week or 10 hours a day, nor suggesting you do the parents laundry. But helping out a little bit extra here and there is so nice. It's hard to give specifics without knowing your routines, but...

It's so nice to see someone who is helpful and positive. There are days when I come home and the kids were bathed and the table is set for dinner. It gave me more time to read with the kids and relax. Helping out in little ways is definitely appreciated.
(that is also good advice for host families.)

[Anonymous]

Always reply to your HF texts when working. Otherwise, stay off your phone as much as possible when working.

Be honest with your HF if you do not like something about being there! They cannot fix what they do no know about!

[Anonymous]

Pulling this from another post: be proactive and engage.

Get out of your bedroom, get to know the family, make friends, tour the hell out of your local area and make memories. Some of the best may be movie night with the kids or making cookies with them. But may the year also include some adventure as well.

[Anonymous]

A year goes by in a flash. As tempting as it is, don't spend it in Starbucks gossiping about HF. As tempting as it is and normal to vent on occasion, it quickly becomes a slippery slope into that is how you spent your year. Find APs who want to be creative and find inexpensive local and travel opportunities. My favorite memories of my twenties are going to the beach and staying in a cheap hotel and cramming a bunch of in a room, eating cheap food, cheap beer, but having the time of our lives!

[Anonymous]

Do the research about the au pair thing and living abroad, customs, social live, insurance.
Don't choose suburbs, small cities. You will be isolated and dependent on the car usage.
Don't choose HP that have more than 2 children.
Dont try to be a parent for the HK. Limit yourself to having good time with them.
Don't follow curfew but inform good friends where you stay.
Be neutral for HP.
Have good relation with HK.
Focus on things that you want to do or experience in USA.
Form group of good friends as soon as possible apart from HP.
Break down the year in seasons and months, plan ahead.
Spend money on trips, ebooks, stuff.
Don't rely on the agency or HP.
Don't spend too much time with HP. After first month go separate. Saturday or Sunday in a month would be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the research about the au pair thing and living abroad, customs, social live, insurance.
Don't choose suburbs, small cities. You will be isolated and dependent on the car usage.
Don't choose HP that have more than 2 children.
Dont try to be a parent for the HK. Limit yourself to having good time with them.
Don't follow curfew but inform good friends where you stay.
Be neutral for HP.
Have good relation with HK.
Focus on things that you want to do or experience in USA.
Form group of good friends as soon as possible apart from HP.
Break down the year in seasons and months, plan ahead.
Spend money on trips, ebooks, stuff.
Don't rely on the agency or HP.
Don't spend too much time with HP. After first month go separate. Saturday or Sunday in a month would be enough.

Are you a troll ... telling AP "Don't follow curfew" - violation of curfew is a common reason for HP to trigger rematch.

... "Dont try to be a parent for the HK. Limit yourself to having good time with them." is another bad advice. Lots of rematches happen because the AP could not find a way to manage the kids and discipline the kids when necessary. The kids are smart enough to take advantage and walk all over the AP and stop listening to the AP if she is just a playmate having fun with them and the AP does not show the HK that there are consequences to bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Don't try to be parent for kids-don't try to replace them-don't take away their moments with kids-learning how to drive a bicycle. It's a parents duty. I didn't write don't support parents if they have issues with kids. I didn't say don't support kids when you feel like parents are crossing the line.

Not obtaining curfew won't trigger rematch of the Au pair comes back performing her work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't try to be parent for kids-don't try to replace them-don't take away their moments with kids-learning how to drive a bicycle. It's a parents duty. I didn't write don't support parents if they have issues with kids. I didn't say don't support kids when you feel like parents are crossing the line.

Not obtaining curfew won't trigger rematch of the Au pair comes back performing her work.

Consistently breaking curfew is an indication of irresponsibility and HP cannot trust an AP who is consciously breaking their rules like this.

Why would I trust you not to drink and drive if you're flouting the curfew since you think you're so smart that performing your work is enough?

Also, it's ridiculous that you would advise APs not to pick families with only 2 kids. Do you really think 2 babies are easier than 3 school aged kids??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the research about the au pair thing and living abroad, customs, social live, insurance.
Don't choose suburbs, small cities. You will be isolated and dependent on the car usage.
Don't choose HP that have more than 2 children.
Dont try to be a parent for the HK. Limit yourself to having good time with them.
Don't follow curfew but inform good friends where you stay.
Be neutral for HP.
Have good relation with HK.
Focus on things that you want to do or experience in USA.
Form group of good friends as soon as possible apart from HP.
Break down the year in seasons and months, plan ahead.
Spend money on trips, ebooks, stuff.
Don't rely on the agency or HP.
Don't spend too much time with HP. After first month go separate. Saturday or Sunday in a month would be enough.

Maybe some of the nuance of your post is lost, but... These suggestions would encourage an au pair I wouldn't want to share the year with and would likely rematch. Not following rules like curfew and being distant isn't the relationship I want. I want someone who wants to be part of a family. But... I guess there is a family for everyone.
Yes, an au pair should find her own friends and become self-reliant and

[Anonymous]

Also don't let them take you for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good suggestion above. Really focus on the family and if you feel comfortable/have a connection with them.

Then treat it as a serious commitment.

Ask a lot of questions. If there's anything you don't understand or need repeated, please ask.
Half of the problems between APs and families are just communication problems and bad assumptions being made.

Stay off your cell phone while working.

Ask for, and read thoroughly, the AP manual before you commit to match, and then again when you arrive.
Most HPs spend a lot of time on these manuals and they really contain all their rules and expectations

Great advice and give the HP some time to download and prep/plan for the next day st night. Give them a little space.