Feel like I have to apologise for DS.....

[Anonymous]

DD is 7 and a typical boy. He can backchat, talk over adults and generally just be pretty annoying. Him and his nanny get along fairly well but when he has misbehaved badly, I feel I have to apologise by email after she goes home and she never seems to take it well. I always get a short reply and never a 'That's okay" sort of message. She comes back into work the next day in an okay mood if not quiet but it does make me uneasy. Is this normal for other MBS? Do you apologise on behalf of your kids? How does your nanny respond when you do?

-First time MB

[Anonymous]

Your child is not typical, OP. He/she sounds like a bit of a brat. You can correct that.

Your nanny sounds worn out by you and your child. Yes - I apologize when my DD does something like throw up on the nanny or when she was in her biting phase but Nanny always told me it was part of being a nanny. Nanny, DH and I work together so that DD will not be a brat. When she has her tantrums, we still back each other up so there is no need to apologize for her behavior.

Talk to your nanny about his issue, if it is bothering you.

[Anonymous]

My DD went through a biting phase and DH and I were working with therapists and DD as much as possible to get her to stop. We also felt terrible and apologized to our nanny. We did not expect to hear "that's okay" because it's NOT okay.

[Anonymous]

If you are repeatedly apologizing for the same types of behavior but don't have any plans to change the behavior or work on it, then yes, the nanny probably thinks that you're empty apologies are pretty pointless.

[Anonymous]

Instead of focusing on apologizing again + again to your poor Nanny, my best advice would be to focus more on your son's behavior toward her.

He needs to learn to treat her w/the utmost respect.
He needs to learn to let her speak w/out interrupting her as well as learn that it is never ever okay to talk back to a grown adult.

As his Mother you need to reinforce this w/your son & learn yourself how to be consistent regarding correcting his behavior.

I am quite sure this will make his Nanny much happier than apologizing to her over and over.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I agree, PP.
You need to let your nanny know you are completely on her side and that you are not condoning your kids behavior. My guess is she probably feels you ARE condoning it/not taking it completely seriously which is why you get a short reply when you apologise.
If you want to keep your nanny, you need to back her up and discipline your kid more firmly. It isn't her fault and she shouldn't have to accept the behavior just because she is a nanny. You need to be firmer with your kid and more supportive with your nanny.

[Anonymous]

Who are you people? He sounds like a typical 7-year-old. If you find constant talking annoying, and you aren't able to gently remind a child when he is being inappropriate, then you need to go back to infants.

Elementary-aged children need a different kind of patience and guidance than babies. They are still not going to be perfectly polite all of the time, especially with their parents and people they are very comfortable with. If his school teachers haven't singled him out as particularly problematic, then he likely is not.

Keep working with him, encourage HIM (not you) to apologize, make a card on a particularly trying day, but your nanny likely knows this behavior goes with the territory. If she's not taking it personally, you shouldn't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are you people? He sounds like a typical 7-year-old. If you find constant talking annoying, and you aren't able to gently remind a child when he is being inappropriate, then you need to go back to infants.

Elementary-aged children need a different kind of patience and guidance than babies. They are still not going to be perfectly polite all of the time, especially with their parents and people they are very comfortable with. If his school teachers haven't singled him out as particularly problematic, then he likely is not.

Keep working with him, encourage HIM (not you) to apologize, make a card on a particularly trying day, but your nanny likely knows this behavior goes with the territory. If she's not taking it personally, you shouldn't either.

If all that is happening is that he talks to much and is occassionally sassy, then I agree it is normal and OP is blowing it out of proportion. But my experience is that if a parent is saying their kid is bad at something, it is probably about 10X worse than they admit.

[Anonymous]

Sorry 10.23 but rudeness at any age is not acceptable and talking over and backchatting is not okay. No nanny should have to suck that up on a regular basis. We don't go to our jobs to be spoken to like trash believe it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are you people? He sounds like a typical 7-year-old. If you find constant talking annoying, and you aren't able to gently remind a child when he is being inappropriate, then you need to go back to infants.

Elementary-aged children need a different kind of patience and guidance than babies. They are still not going to be perfectly polite all of the time, especially with their parents and people they are very comfortable with. If his school teachers haven't singled him out as particularly problematic, then he likely is not.

Keep working with him, encourage HIM (not you) to apologize, make a card on a particularly trying day, but your nanny likely knows this behavior goes with the territory. If she's not taking it personally, you shouldn't either.

So my three boys who did not do any of those things were atypical? Hardly. Rude is rude at any age. Parent your children better.

[Anonymous]

Well said PP

[Anonymous]

The real question is what consequence does the child receive when he is rude? What reward when he is consistently polite. If the nanny is able to provide immediate consequences for the behavior she will be more in control of the situation and you will be working as a team to help the child learn manners.

[Anonymous]

Back talk and talking over someone is rude.

Stop apologizing and put a stop to the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Kids can be schmucks. An experienced nanny can and should be able to work with you on any behaviors you want to address.

So sit down and talk with her. "Jane, I know Jimmy is a real pain sometimes. I'd like to try to work on some of his behaviors - specifically the interrupting and conversational skills. I am looking into ways to address that, but I'm sure you have ideas also and I want us to be a team on this. What's your experience with how best to teach better skills?"

And definitely do a bit of research on your end first about ways to encourage the behaviors you want, so you have an idea about approaches you'd like to try before talking to her.

If she doesn't have any ideas, and if she isn't willing to own part of the responsibility for teaching him how to be better, then you have a nanny challenge also.