attitude

[Anonymous]

Our nanny of a few years is prone to complaining. It's all that comes out of her mouth most of the time - about the drop-off school people, about the class that is only 2 hours long, about being asked to write down what the petty cash was used for, about how tiring the day was, about how boring music class is for the 2 yo, about how the kids aren't eating any of their food, about the toys being on the main floor, about the car seat buckles, about the kids not sitting for breakfast right away.

I can't tell if she is truly unhappy, or just a frequent complainer, or if there is nothing at all. She comes across badly. She is paid well, makes nanny friends easily -- but just never smiles when we're around in the morning or at 5:30pm.

[Anonymous]

She is your children's role model... That would never fly with me.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever brought it up with her? I have a friend who sees the dark cloud in every situation and it is truly tiresome to deal with her most of the time. I don't know if I could handle it in an employee.

Has your nanny always been like this?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she feels you are not showing her enough appreciation and so is complaining because she wants you to see how much she does. Just throwing that idea out there.

[Anonymous]

I think I would start a conversation with something like, "You seem really unhappy a lot of the time. I wanted to check in and see if that's really the case, or if I'm just misinterpreting. I know being with the kids all day is a lot of work, but we need to talk about it if it's all wearing you down."

Then, I would hope she either says something constructive that leads to a reasonable conversation, or takes the hint and adjusts her attitude.

Another approach might be to interrupt one of these complaints by saying, "I know it's a boring job sometimes, but we are so glad you are here for them. I'm starting to feel like you're burnt out and unhappy, though. Do you have any ideas about what we can do about that? For your sake and the children's sake, I don't want you to spend your whole day being miserable."

Then she either realizes she needs to stop venting to you, or, again, hopefully says something reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I couldn't deal with that as an employer and worry of the example it's setting for my kids. We have a nanny and I've never heard her complain about anything! She tells me to have a good day when I head out to work in he am. Greets the toddler running tonher as "come here little sunshine". Greets me with a smile when I come home and says they had a good day or whatever and that the toddler was a good eater/sleeper. Calls me at lunch worried that the toddler won't eat more than one meatball where she usually eats 4. Positivity makes life so much easier and more pleasant. There are people out there that like their nanny jobs. Find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would start a conversation with something like, "You seem really unhappy a lot of the time. I wanted to check in and see if that's really the case, or if I'm just misinterpreting. I know being with the kids all day is a lot of work, but we need to talk about it if it's all wearing you down."

Then, I would hope she either says something constructive that leads to a reasonable conversation, or takes the hint and adjusts her attitude.

Another approach might be to interrupt one of these complaints by saying, "I know it's a boring job sometimes, but we are so glad you are here for them. I'm starting to feel like you're burnt out and unhappy, though. Do you have any ideas about what we can do about that? For your sake and the children's sake, I don't want you to spend your whole day being miserable."

Then she either realizes she needs to stop venting to you, or, again, hopefully says something reasonable.

This is exactly what I'd recommend also. If things don't improve (she doesn't get the hint), I'd be even more direct with the next conversation. "Jane, I'm still concerned about all of the negative comments you're making. You seem very unhappy in the job and that's not good for you, us, or most importantly - the kids. Is there something we can do to help you be happier in the position, or do you think this job is just no longer something you want?"

[Anonymous]

When she complains say 'Larla, I understand that is frustrating but we really appreciate you taking her to music class. ' I am still of the opinion that she complains as she wants to be noticed for what she does. If that doesn't work, try one of the other conversation starters in this post.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone.
We'll first try complimenting and thanking her more; then I'll try the "you sound so unhappy here, what can we do" approach; lastly we'll just make a change.
She's not great with two kids anyways and we keep taking things away from her and signing older one up for more and more hours at pre-school.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she is simply unhappy as a Nanny in general or perhaps she is not happy w/her current position.

I think you need to speak directly to her & address these issues w/her stat.

Because I definitely wouldn't want my child around a Debbie Downer all day.
Especially one who doesn't appear to love her job at all!

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks everyone.
We'll first try complimenting and thanking her more; then I'll try the "you sound so unhappy here, what can we do" approach; lastly we'll just make a change.
She's not great with two kids anyways and we keep taking things away from her and signing older one up for more and more hours at pre-school.

With this additional info, I think I'd be looking for a natural point to make a change anyway. It's expensive to have full time childcare + preschool; your nanny needs to be worth the cost! Are you coming up on a full year by any chance. I'd probably just go with, "Our needs have changed. We'll be happy to be a strong reference for a new job with an infant."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks everyone.
We'll first try complimenting and thanking her more; then I'll try the "you sound so unhappy here, what can we do" approach; lastly we'll just make a change.
She's not great with two kids anyways and we keep taking things away from her and signing older one up for more and more hours at pre-school.

With this additional info, I think I'd be looking for a natural point to make a change anyway. It's expensive to have full time childcare + preschool; your nanny needs to be worth the cost! Are you coming up on a full year by any chance. I'd probably just go with, "Our needs have changed. We'll be happy to be a strong reference for a new job with an infant."

This.