I am embarrassed by how messy my employer/charge's mother is...

[Anonymous]

My sixteen-month-old charge has gone to several play dates and it is past turn to reciprocate. Here is the problem - although I have set up a wonderful (clean) playroom, our guests will still have to walk thru the foyer and living room where my employer leaves every pair of shoes she's worn that week on the floor of the foyer, her blankets all over the living room couch, clothes on the chairs and general clutter everywhere. The housekeeper comes once a week on Fridays to put away her stuff so by the time I get there are Monday, there is already a mess.

She is a wonderful mother and a great employer but she is shockingly messy. I have gotten used to picking up the baby's clothes from the bathroom and bedroom floors every morning but stop at her clothes.

I don't want the other mothers and nannies who come for play-dates see what a slob she is - but I also don't want (nor do I have the time) to put away her shit myself. There is no point in talking to her about it either since her very neat husband can't get her to put anything away either.

What to do? And why do I care so much?! Ugh... I had to schedule two play-dates this week and I either have to pick up her shit myself or feel embarrassed for her, right? Any other options?

[Anonymous]

I don't want the other mothers and nannies who come for play-dates see what a slob she is

Why?

If it bothers her, she will deal with it one way or another.

If it doesn't bother her why on earth would it bother you?

Seriously, I'm stumped.

[Anonymous]

Give her fair warning so that she knows strangers are being invited to her home. Beyond that, if she doesn't care, why should you?

[Anonymous]

OP here. My employer knows people are coming over and she doesn't care. She has her own friends over with the mess. I care, that's all. I don't want the other mothers to think poorly of her.

[Anonymous]

I totally get it OP. I would put all the clothes and blankets in one pile on the couch, and cover with one blanket. I would then make a pile of shoes in a corner. Then I would apologize to the guests and say what you did here - that she is great but happens to be messy. They may not care. They may appreciate your mentioning it and may end up good people to vent to. In any case, you will have had a nice play date. I doubt the guest will dwell on it.

[Anonymous]

She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

Nannies are not maids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

Nannies are not maids.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

The Nanny already said that she doesn't have time. The mother doesn't even put the baby's dirty clothes in the hamper!! I don't doubt that the mother is tired but the nanny is tired, too. I can't imagine making my nanny pick up my baby's clothes from the bathroom floor the next morning!!!

Nanny, you cannot care if she doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

The mom I work for now is messy like this. Seriously MESSY. She doesn't care and neither do I. If it bothers me, I take care of it. I come into a disaster zone every day no matter what it looked like when I left the night before. There will be dishes everywhere even if the dishwasher is empty. Every single stitch of clothing that comes through their laundry is inside out unless it's kids clothes I removed. It really defies logic (but then I'm not all that neat at home so I do kind of get it, but if someone were coming into my home regularly I'd have incentive to be tidy.) But, you know what? She never bitches or complains about anything. If I have a bad day and leave a mess, there's no complaining. She's really easy to get along with, there's no passive aggressiveness, no sneakiness, what you see is what you get. I'd take 100 of those messes to have a mom like that over some of the other moms I've worked for over the years...neat and tidy but passive aggressive. Neat and tidy but secretly lining up day care w/o telling you until the last minute. Neat and tidy but doesn't trust you...you get the idea. Bring on the mess, I say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

The Nanny already said that she doesn't have time. The mother doesn't even put the baby's dirty clothes in the hamper!! I don't doubt that the mother is tired but the nanny is tired, too. I can't imagine making my nanny pick up my baby's clothes from the bathroom floor the next morning!!!

Nanny, you cannot care if she doesn't care.

Nanny has one 16 month old. Where is all her time going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

The Nanny already said that she doesn't have time. The mother doesn't even put the baby's dirty clothes in the hamper!! I don't doubt that the mother is tired but the nanny is tired, too. I can't imagine making my nanny pick up my baby's clothes from the bathroom floor the next morning!!!

Nanny, you cannot care if she doesn't care.

Nanny has one 16 month old. Where is all her time going?

The point here is that cleaning up parent's mess is not part of the nanny's responsibility. Whether or not the nanny has time to clean it up its irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mom I work for now is messy like this. Seriously MESSY. She doesn't care and neither do I. If it bothers me, I take care of it. I come into a disaster zone every day no matter what it looked like when I left the night before. There will be dishes everywhere even if the dishwasher is empty. Every single stitch of clothing that comes through their laundry is inside out unless it's kids clothes I removed. It really defies logic (but then I'm not all that neat at home so I do kind of get it, but if someone were coming into my home regularly I'd have incentive to be tidy.) But, you know what? She never bitches or complains about anything. If I have a bad day and leave a mess, there's no complaining. She's really easy to get along with, there's no passive aggressiveness, no sneakiness, what you see is what you get. I'd take 100 of those messes to have a mom like that over some of the other moms I've worked for over the years...neat and tidy but passive aggressive. Neat and tidy but secretly lining up day care w/o telling you until the last minute. Neat and tidy but doesn't trust you...you get the idea. Bring on the mess, I say!

+1

[Anonymous]

Get over it or quit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's probably tired. Clean up a little and forget it.

The Nanny already said that she doesn't have time. The mother doesn't even put the baby's dirty clothes in the hamper!! I don't doubt that the mother is tired but the nanny is tired, too. I can't imagine making my nanny pick up my baby's clothes from the bathroom floor the next morning!!!

Nanny, you cannot care if she doesn't care.

Nanny has one 16 month old. Where is all her time going?

Picking up the baby's clothes from the floor and doing laundry, probably making the baby's food and cleaning up kitchen. My 16 month old charge sleeps on 1.5 hours during the day and that is all the time I have to get her stuff done.

Regardless, it is not the nanny's job to pick up the MB's clothes and shoes from the floor regardless of how much time she has.