Mb no longer having a job has made a difference

[Anonymous]

I'm the op that posted about my mb losing her job and how I was concerned about the changes that would occur. I have to admit that while my charges are proned to misbehaving while their parents are around, her presence in my older charges life has made a world of difference in him.

This particular charge I have made posts about in the past as he allegedly suffers from many disorders ranging from sensory processing disorder (what I was told by my agency, during the interview and upon being hired) but it was soon revealed he has extreme ADHD ( ) ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) impulsive issues and other things. He has occupational therapy and aba therapy and a facilitator in his class.

However these things are barely noticeable to me and his previous aba therapist and class facilitator. We all spoke of how he displays none of these things with us but will with his parents and other people depending on their temperament.

But last week he had his BEST week at school thus far! He also displayed better behavior with me. He had his moments but it was as if his mother having energy to do things with him in the evening after I left and not her working made an improvement in him. He has been so pleasant, less angry and combative. He seems to really be benefiting from feeling like her priority in the evening, or just knowing she is "around".

Granted she still is looking for a job and doesn't join us for his therapies which I find strange even thought they sent home paperwork that says parents should be involved in it. But I almost feel like she shouldn't return to work at all while they are little or just part time or work from home because of the change in him. I know this would mean I need another job and that this is even feasible for them but it's amazing the change it's made in him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the op that posted about my mb losing her job and how I was concerned about the changes that would occur. I have to admit that while my charges are proned to misbehaving while their parents are around, her presence in my older charges life has made a world of difference in him.

This particular charge I have made posts about in the past as he allegedly suffers from many disorders ranging from sensory processing disorder (what I was told by my agency, during the interview and upon being hired) but it was soon revealed he has extreme ADHD ( ) ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) impulsive issues and other things. He has occupational therapy and aba therapy and a facilitator in his class.

However these things are barely noticeable to me and his previous aba therapist and class facilitator. We all spoke of how he displays none of these things with us but will with his parents and other people depending on their temperament.

But last week he had his BEST week at school thus far! He also displayed better behavior with me. He had his moments but it was as if his mother having energy to do things with him in the evening after I left and not her working made an improvement in him. He has been so pleasant, less angry and combative. He seems to really be benefiting from feeling like her priority in the evening, or just knowing she is "around".

Granted she still is looking for a job and doesn't join us for his therapies which I find strange even thought they sent home paperwork that says parents should be involved in it. But I almost feel like she shouldn't return to work at all while they are little or just part time or work from home because of the change in him. I know this would mean I need another job and that this is even feasible for them but it's amazing the change it's made in him.

Looking for a job is a full time job, if you're doing it right. She needs that time.

I'm sure she's noticed the benefits, too, but if staying home is not in the cards, she may also want to maintain the current schedule so that when she goes back to work, there's less regression on his part.

[Anonymous]

Thanks pp. but she hasn't noticed his progress or made the connection. When I mentioned the teacher saying this has been his best week she was happy but I can tell it didn't register. She has had a few interviews and lunch dates to network with companies here and there but the time of our OT she is literally doing nothing. She will usually say things like "I'm going to use this time to prep dinner or swifter the guest bath) Not to mention she still sends the toddler with me so he has to sit in the waiting room with me for an hour. He is usually napping when we have to leave so he's fussy while we wait and not much of what I offer suffices.

I am being paid and it's my job so I'm used to it. Just strange that she doesn't want to take the oldest to therapy and let me keep the youngest so she can participate and see first hand the tools they use to help with some of the issues they complain about. I also have a brief meeting after every session to go over what they did and excerises for home so it's gets crazy while talking and having them both just so I can repeat it all back to them. I finally told the therapist to try and discuss it with the parents by phone since he doesn't display that behavior with me.

But either way I can't help but feel guilt. It's like I feel like I need to persuade her to not work as much or I should find another job and let him be with his mom because he is like a different kid. I mean I know it is no up to me at all lol but it's just how I feel. But if she is adamant about working again me quitting won't matter because they'll just hire a new nanny

[Anonymous]

Kids often behave differently for parents and others. Maybe the child is going through a growth spurt. Its pretty common with some SN kids.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home with my SN DD and her NT twin and know what it is like to attend all the therapies and have to juggle the other child's needs, while running a household and maintaining a strong marriage. I had a job I loved before deciding that my family needed me more. I would be the last person to stand in judgement of your MB. It is very hard on your self-esteem and puts your family at financial risk by having only one financial provider. 25 years later, I'm not sure if I made the right decision. Please keep doing the wonderful job you are doing, OP, and try not to judge your MB so harshly. When the SN child you care for is your own, it affects you in ways you cannot imagine otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stayed home with my SN DD and her NT twin and know what it is like to attend all the therapies and have to juggle the other child's needs, while running a household and maintaining a strong marriage. I had a job I loved before deciding that my family needed me more. I would be the last person to stand in judgement of your MB. It is very hard on your self-esteem and puts your family at financial risk by having only one financial provider. 25 years later, I'm not sure if I made the right decision. Please keep doing the wonderful job you are doing, OP, and try not to judge your MB so harshly. When the SN child you care for is your own, it affects you in ways you cannot imagine otherwise.

Thanks but I'm not judging her harshly at all. She has absolutely no interest in partaking in any of his therapies. His teacher suggested karate for him because her son goes. She went with him to one demo but said he wouldn't be returning because it's only available when I'm off. The managers from his ot and aba have suggested counseling for the parents because they feel it's actually them that need to see a therapist and not my charge. They have also constantly avoided and backed out of parent trainings in the past until people just realize they don't get it. They are nice people and I love them but they just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stayed home with my SN DD and her NT twin and know what it is like to attend all the therapies and have to juggle the other child's needs, while running a household and maintaining a strong marriage. I had a job I loved before deciding that my family needed me more. I would be the last person to stand in judgement of your MB. It is very hard on your self-esteem and puts your family at financial risk by having only one financial provider. 25 years later, I'm not sure if I made the right decision. Please keep doing the wonderful job you are doing, OP, and try not to judge your MB so harshly. When the SN child you care for is your own, it affects you in ways you cannot imagine otherwise.

Thanks but I'm not judging her harshly at all. She has absolutely no interest in partaking in any of his therapies. His teacher suggested karate for him because her son goes. She went with him to one demo but said he wouldn't be returning because it's only available when I'm off. The managers from his ot and aba have suggested counseling for the parents because they feel it's actually them that need to see a therapist and not my charge. They have also constantly avoided and backed out of parent trainings in the past until people just realize they don't get it. They are nice people and I love them but they just don't get it.

Does she and DB care for the children when you are off?