Fiercely Protective

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and have discovered that I am fiercely protective of my charges - more so than I was with my own kids!

Yesterday, in a play gym, a large two-year-old hit my 14 month old charge (not hard - my charge didn't even cry) and moved to hit her again when I grabbed the little girl's hand and said "NO!" loudly enough for the little girl to cry. Last week, a little boy in my charge's music class grabbed an instrument out of my charge's hand and I grabbed it back!!!

I surprise myself all the time with my subconscious, knee-jerk reactions to situations like this. I was a pretty laid-back mother and a preschool teacher so I am not unfamiliar with childhood scuffles...

Any other nannies like me?

[Anonymous]

You need to chill out. Do not touch/yell at other people's kids just because you have some kind of overwrought emotional response. I love my charges too, but it is my job to be the adult and model appropriate conflict resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to chill out. Do not touch/yell at other people's kids just because you have some kind of overwrought emotional response. I love my charges too, but it is my job to be the adult and model appropriate conflict resolution.

Telling someone with a subconscious reaction to "chill out" is akin to telling a drowning man to "swim!".

I would absolutely grab another kid's hand to stop him from hitting mine! I would hate for you to be my kid's nanny and "model" behavior while some bigger kid is pummeling my baby!

Love you, OP! I want you to have my kid's back.

[Anonymous]

Um, yeah - agreeing with pp here. Your reaction is over the top. Be the grown up.

I want my nanny to model calm, unemotional, problem solving reactions to things - not what you're describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to chill out. Do not touch/yell at other people's kids just because you have some kind of overwrought emotional response. I love my charges too, but it is my job to be the adult and model appropriate conflict resolution.

Telling someone with a subconscious reaction to "chill out" is akin to telling a drowning man to "swim!".

I would absolutely grab another kid's hand to stop him from hitting mine! I would hate for you to be my kid's nanny and "model" behavior while some bigger kid is pummeling my baby!

Love you, OP! I want you to have my kid's back.

So you would prefer your nanny yell and grab other people's kids vs. react calmly? I am not talking about ignoring. What I would do in that scenario is to put myself physically between the kids, or move my child away a safe distance and state clearly to the other kid, "Please move away from him." As a result my kids aren't learning how to bully others.

As for her "subconcious reaction," as I say to my kids, "you can't control your feelings, but I expect you to control how to show your feelings." If my 7yo charge can grasp the difference between emotions and actions, I don't think it's too much to ask of an adult.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I want my nanny to stop anyone from hurting my child. I am with you on this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to chill out. Do not touch/yell at other people's kids just because you have some kind of overwrought emotional response. I love my charges too, but it is my job to be the adult and model appropriate conflict resolution.

Telling someone with a subconscious reaction to "chill out" is akin to telling a drowning man to "swim!".

I would absolutely grab another kid's hand to stop him from hitting mine! I would hate for you to be my kid's nanny and "model" behavior while some bigger kid is pummeling my baby!

Love you, OP! I want you to have my kid's back.

So you would prefer your nanny yell and grab other people's kids vs. react calmly? I am not talking about ignoring. What I would do in that scenario is to put myself physically between the kids, or move my child away a safe distance and state clearly to the other kid, "Please move away from him." As a result my kids aren't learning how to bully others.

As for her "subconcious reaction," as I say to my kids, "you can't control your feelings, but I expect you to control how to show your feelings." If my 7yo charge can grasp the difference between emotions and actions, I don't think it's too much to ask of an adult.

OP here and I didn't yell or get upset - I grabbed the child' hand before it came down on my charge. I wasn't in a position to get between the hitter and my charge.

I react protectively without thinking. That is the point of my post. I am more protective of my charge than I was of my own daughter.

[Anonymous]

You characterize your reactions as knee jerk. You say you react without thinking. You made another little girl cry when you grabbed her. You grabbed something out of a child's hand in the same way it was grabbed from the first child.

None of that is desirable behavior in an adult, let alone a caregiver. None of it. It may be human but it's not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You characterize your reactions as knee jerk. You say you react without thinking. You made another little girl cry when you grabbed her. You grabbed something out of a child's hand in the same way it was grabbed from the first child.

None of that is desirable behavior in an adult, let alone a caregiver. None of it. It may be human but it's not good.

This. You are being scary and emotional in your reactions and when you were called on it you tried to change your story. If you are frightening small children then you need to take a look at your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I want my nanny to stop anyone from hurting my child. I am with you on this, OP.

No one is advocating that the nanny shouldn't intervene. She described in her OP shouting "No!" And Grabbing a child's hand hard enough to make them cry. If my 3yo grabbed someone, yelled and made them cry, she would get a time-out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You characterize your reactions as knee jerk. You say you react without thinking. You made another little girl cry when you grabbed her. You grabbed something out of a child's hand in the same way it was grabbed from the first child.

None of that is desirable behavior in an adult, let alone a caregiver. None of it. It may be human but it's not good.

This. You are being scary and emotional in your reactions and when you were called on it you tried to change your story. If you are frightening small children then you need to take a look at your behavior.

+1 You shouldn't be reacting without thinking, period. You're supposed to model good behavior, not be a bigger bully than the bullies on the playground.

[Anonymous]

Fortunately no.

While I can understand being a good advocate for your charge as highly admirable, your methods are a bit too harsh in my book.

One of these days you will get an angry response back from another child's Nanny or parent & it won't be pretty at all.

Best to err on the side of caution and just chill out.
You won't regret it in the long run, trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to chill out. Do not touch/yell at other people's kids just because you have some kind of overwrought emotional response. I love my charges too, but it is my job to be the adult and model appropriate conflict resolution.

Telling someone with a subconscious reaction to "chill out" is akin to telling a drowning man to "swim!".

I would absolutely grab another kid's hand to stop him from hitting mine! I would hate for you to be my kid's nanny and "model" behavior while some bigger kid is pummeling my baby!

Love you, OP! I want you to have my kid's back.

So you would prefer your nanny yell and grab other people's kids vs. react calmly? I am not talking about ignoring. What I would do in that scenario is to put myself physically between the kids, or move my child away a safe distance and state clearly to the other kid, "Please move away from him." As a result my kids aren't learning how to bully others.

As for her "subconcious reaction," as I say to my kids, "you can't control your feelings, but I expect you to control how to show your feelings." If my 7yo charge can grasp the difference between emotions and actions, I don't think it's too much to ask of an adult.

OP here and I didn't yell or get upset - I grabbed the child' hand before it came down on my charge. I wasn't in a position to get between the hitter and my charge.

I react protectively without thinking. That is the point of my post. I am more protective of my charge than I was of my own daughter.

You obviously need to keep your charge away from the other kids, that way you can keep your hands off of the other kids...

[Anonymous]

I'm protective too, but your reaction was over the top and didn't model an appropriate response for your NK.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so protective of this charge, if you weren't that protective of your kids? Is there something different about this child? Kids who struggle with special needs actually need to be taught independence much more than other kids, so if that's the case, you're not actually doing the kid a favor by being overly protective.