Is lying a compatibility concern?

[Anonymous]

Let's just say, our first experience with an Au Pair is not one they put in the brochure.
AP arrives, we go through the awkward/awful transition period. I learn a lot, mostly about lowering expectations. We got into this because we needed the schedule flexibility and wanted someone who would truly love and interact with our kids. What we got feels like a web of lies and manipulations.

1. She completely lied about her prior childcare experience. Having reviewed this forum and other blogs, that seems par for the course. Hers does seem to go a bit farther, we truly believe she doesn't like kids. The program was a way for her to party and shop.
2. We thought she was just shy or reserved. We actually wanted someone like that because it matches our personalities well and we didn't want a party girl. Well, she's shy and reserved around us, but not with her friends. She was out every weekend, until late, 4 am late, and wanted nothing to do with us or our kids outside of scheduled hours. I'm not talking about expecting to eek more hours out of her, I'm saying she would come up when she smelled food, eat without saying a word, put her plate in the sink, and return downstairs... for weeks!
3. She wanted a friend over for Christmas weekend, so she made up some tale about her host family not being around, all so they could party in DC with a cheaper Uber ride.
4. This is the real kicker, she stole our car. Yes, there is the nicer way to put it... she "used our car, without our permission, and without a license (hence no permission) so she could visit a friend" and stay over there while we were out of town. She still continues to lie about this. This is what led us to initiate breaking the match, but when she still couldn't tell the truth during the mediation, the AD called her out on her lies and broke the match.

So, we go thru rematch and see her profile listed, they decided to give her a second chance so we have to foot the bill for housing her for 2 weeks and bring in alternate childcare. The reason for availability is "compatability concerns". Is there anyone who isn't concerned about the person in charge of caring for their kids being a liar? Is there anyone compatible with lying?

Now, don't get me wrong, there were issues apart from the lies. She did no "child chores" without repeated prompting/reminding. She didn't speak with us outside of working hours, the kids don't like her, she's lazy.... But we didn't want to break the match for these, we did so because she lied!

I'm just really concerned now about the agency. Do they just want to save a buck since she's here and all trained up? Do they want to have better retention records? Can we trust that any future APs will be any better? And where in the scheme of things do the children subjected to this situation fit? Our kids did nothing wrong, but they are having to live with all this stress and tension in our home.

What are your thoughts on switching agencies? Are there any that are more reliable?

[Anonymous]

I strongly recommend you join the FB groups of HMs who are bonding together to fight back against this. We share names and details and do our best to see that these kinds of APs don't find new families. Can I ask what agency you are currently with? If it's CCAP, we have a very active group where we share lots of info.

[Anonymous]

All I have to say OP, is that this sounds terrible. I am so sorry this is your first experience. Might you share the name of your agency for reference?

I'll vouch for my agency of 8 years, InterExchange. They have their warts too, but I have seen APs go home in a blink of an eye, as well as host parents being kicked out of the program (no guarantee that they can't sign p with another agency though). They sometimes piss off both APs and families for being too rigid with their rules.

Regardless, a bad AP is a bad AP, and one who is a good actress could fool any agency, but an agency who is willing to keep a candidate so ill suited for the job should be reprimanded.

Again, so sorry OP. The AP program can really be fantastic and I am sorry that this experience may prevent you from ever finding out.

[Anonymous]

It's Au Pair Care.
And now she says she's matched with another family and I feel terrible. We were supposed to be listed as a reference and were never contacted. They never even contacted us prior to giving her a second chance. They spoke with her, she continued to lie and manipulate. Well, Uber receipts and odometers don't lie. I just pray that nothing worse happens for the next family.

[Anonymous]

It goes both ways and its terrible.
I know an awful family with CCAP who keep getting new au pairs. They treat them like crap, not part of the family and then when they leave they get a new one. Its ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's Au Pair Care.
And now she says she's matched with another family and I feel terrible. We were supposed to be listed as a reference and were never contacted. They never even contacted us prior to giving her a second chance. They spoke with her, she continued to lie and manipulate. Well, Uber receipts and odometers don't lie. I just pray that nothing worse happens for the next family.

That's all you can do. If the other family isn't willing to reach out for a reference...then it's their prob now.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately OP I've seen this happen quite a bit. I think the motivation is purely financial. They have invested quite a bit of money and time into her at this point and if they send her home they get nothing on that investment. I rarely see Au Pairs sent home after one rematch. It happens the other way as well, where terrible host families get Au Pair after Au Pair. I love this program, but it's definitely not perfect.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's just so they can make more money. If you think these Au Pair programs exist so they can provide you with decent childcare and an interesting experience, you are wrong. These programs exist to exploit young women, take advantage of families desperate for affordable care, and most importantly to line somebody's pockets.