Can't bond with NKs

[Anonymous]

I've been with my current NF for about six months, and I just don't like the job. It's not a good fit. I'm working with two parents who WFH 50% of the time and a Grandmother who is there all day everyday (watching the 2-year-old). I was hired to care for newborn baby and do "light housekeeping" which has quickly become just a glorified housekeeping positioned while also keeping a baby alive. I'm pretty unhappy, but limited on options in my area.

I really haven't bonded with the children, even the infant. This is unusual for me, in my last positions I absolutely loved and adored by charges. I attribute this challenge to being unhappy about various circumstances. I have little autonomy and am greeted with passive-aggressive comments throughout the day from Grandma. I have a pleothra of chores to complete each day which makes me feel like I don't get adequate time with baby (now 3 months). The older boy, 5, is in Kindergarten but I have him for a bit in the afternoons and on days off. He has so many wonderful attributes, sensitive, intelligent, great critical thinking skills, but when he is around his parents or grandmother he becomes the most unlikable child I've ever known. Super entitled, demanding and whiny. It's come down to the point where I dread being around him, which makes me feel pretty awful. When I do have the occasional one on one time with him, he's a fairly fun child and we have a good time. It's rare.

I also left the BEST nanny position right before I moved and started working with current NF. I loved my charges (twin girls) and have had some pretty intense bouts of guilt and grief about leaving them and their family. I find myself comparing the two families more often than not, which makes me pretty miserable.

I just feel like a shitty nanny for not being able to bond. I'm afraid this will negatively affect the kiddos. I finish this position in May, so will just stick it out but I'm overall very unhappy. Missing my old NF tons.

[Anonymous]

There is a lid for every pot


Not every family is the perfect family, or even the right family. Its hard too as a family can look perfect on paper but the chemistry can be all wrong and it can be horrid! I would move on asap. Keep your eyes open for a better fit!
Good luck

[Anonymous]

It's not your fault, it happens.
Like other PP said, just keep your options open for something else that might come up.

[Anonymous]

My advice is to save up some money you can over the next few months and give yourself a grace period so that you can shop around for an excellent fit with your next job.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to dissent and say you need to talk directly with the parents about the job you accepted and the job you actually have. They may not realize what has happened or that you're unhappy. Talk to them about grandma and if you can have two days a week with no grandma around (so she can "have a break"). Use your words and try to work it out. I'd nothing good comes from it then you can leave the job guilt free. Let them know the tasks you're willing to do for "light housekeeping" and the ones that are off the table entirely. Let them know how many minutes or hours a day you're willing to dedicate to cleaning (I'm willing to do an hour tops.) Talk to them and then proceed accordingly.

[Anonymous]

MB here- that sounds miserable.
Can you go back to your old family? If so, do it, you were all happy.
or find a new job and give your 2 weeks notice. life is too short to be so unhappy. just somewhat honestly, tell your family- you are not having an easy time adjusting to an always present Grandma and so many chores. Say you tried to make it work, but it's not getting better. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here- that sounds miserable.
Can you go back to your old family? If so, do it, you were all happy.
or find a new job and give your 2 weeks notice. life is too short to be so unhappy. just somewhat honestly, tell your family- you are not having an easy time adjusting to an always present Grandma and so many chores. Say you tried to make it work, but it's not getting better. Sorry.

I can't. I left my "perfect" family in June to move across the country while my SO is in Grad School. I have a lot of regret about this decision, not being with my SO but leaving my old NF.

Thankfully I will get to see them from time to time, but I made the decision to leave and they moved on and so should I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My advice is to save up some money you can over the next few months and give yourself a grace period so that you can shop around for an excellent fit with your next job.

That's what I'm thinking I'll do.

This job ends in May (maybe June) and I'm moving back across the country and plan on taking my time with the next job search. I can do NCS work until I find an ideal full-time family. I just have to make it till May, because I'm living in an area where decent paying jobs don't exist (hello, Midwest).

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. Grandmas can be really tough, even for us moms, even when they are our own mothers. I agree you should speak up - sit down and figure out what you would like (no more than 60 minutes of housework, for example, which equals one or two chores; or, only clean-up after baby, etc.) and then talk with the parents in the sweetest possible way. I doubt it would be any use talking to Grandma. She's probably too set in her ways. However, you may as well try to make your last two months more bearable by talking to the parents, while also looking for the next opportunity.