wwyd au pair sneaking food

[Anonymous]

Went in to AP room to install some furniture. I was frustrated to notice that her medicine was on her nightstand.

We discussed in depth, several times, and put in handbook about importance of locking up pills, prescription and over the counter. We even gave her a lock bag to put her medicine in, showed her how to use it, she demonstrated she could use it correctly.

This made me nervous for kids' safety, and I peaked into her drawers. On is completely full of candy, chips, and even cans off CocaCola! This is after many conversations about not having food anywhere but the kitchen. (pests, mess, etc)

I'm so mad I could spit.

The medicine is easy enough to address with her, but since I opened her drawers and found the food, I'm not sure how to deal with this. Or the trustworthiness thing in general.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

God I'm happy I'm not living with you. Unclench.


Maybe you need to learn about personal space.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty funny you're concerned about trustworthiness when you riled through the aupairs drawers lol

[Anonymous]

*rifled

[Anonymous]

You went too far, such an invasion of privacy. You
shouldn't have gone in her room without asking, let alone her
drawers.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I did ask her to go in to install something. She consented.

I noticed 2 SAFETY issues we had addressed multiple times:
1. medication left on counter in reach of children.
2. open window on the 2nd floor allowing child to fall through if child entered.

I was concerned there were other pills or SAFETY issues, so I opened the drawer. Wrong I know. Justified. My kids' life and safety is of more concern than her privacy.

[Anonymous]

About medicine... Call me careless but this never even crossed my mind. I teach my kids that they are NEVER to go in AP's room, period. My youngest was 4 when we had our first AP. If I did not trust my child to go into APs room and grab her stuff, then I would install a lock and I would ask AP to lock her door when out of the house, or not with the children.

You crossed the lined when you peaked into her drawers, and now you either need to let it go, or bring up the fact that you were snooping. If I were you, I would choose to let it go. At least the food is in a drawer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did ask her to go in to install something. She consented.

I noticed 2 SAFETY issues we had addressed multiple times:
1. medication left on counter in reach of children.
2. open window on the 2nd floor allowing child to fall through if child entered.

I was concerned there were other pills or SAFETY issues, so I opened the drawer. Wrong I know. Justified. My kids' life and safety is of more concern than her privacy.

I am trying to picture the window and I can't, sorry. Aren't there other windows on the second floor? Is there a chair underneath for your child to climb on? I answered above, but if you feel your APs room is such a hazard, then ask your AP to lock it up.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Anonymous 19:52 it's a double hung window. All thw upstairs windows in the kids' rooms have safety bars (with quick release adults can operate in case of fire)

Adult rooms do not, with the expectation that windows get closed.

Her room has a latch.

Kids are not supposed to enter, they know this.

However, I cannot guarantee she will remember to lock the door. I also apparantly cannot be certain she will lock up her medicine or close the windows, despite these concerns and dangers being doscussed ad nauseum.

I am hoping for advice on an approach to the general disregard for safety and rules.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?

Put bars on her windows. So obvious.

Talk to her again about her medicine. Put a lock on the outside of her room so you can lock it too.

Fwiw, I also think you are WAY OUT OF LINE for going into her drawers. If I was your AP, this is grounds to request rematch. What you did was inexcusable. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.

And yes, I'm a hm in my 7th year. I can't imagine breaching my APs trust like this.

[Anonymous]

Does the OP lock the AP out of her room every time the OP leaves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the OP lock the AP out of her room every time the OP leaves?

Op here. No I meant a latch on the outside top of door so op can lock it if she sees AP has forgotten.

Although op might think locking AP out of the room is a great idea based on the level of respect she's otherwise displayed toward AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the OP lock the AP out of her room every time the OP leaves?

Op here. No I meant a latch on the outside top of door so op can lock it if she sees AP has forgotten.

Although op might think locking AP out of the room is a great idea based on the level of respect she's otherwise displayed toward AP.

I wrote this (not op). And meant to write 'pp here'

[Anonymous]

I think I'd be worried and tempted to snoop too. Safety is one of those non negotiables.

Lots of medicines, even over the counter, can be fatal to young children if ingested. It sounds like expectations were made really clear and the AP even had a place to lock her meds.

At what point does an AP lose her right to privacy when safety is concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd be worried and tempted to snoop too. Safety is one of those non negotiables.

Lots of medicines, even over the counter, can be fatal to young children if ingested. It sounds like expectations were made really clear and the AP even had a place to lock her meds.

At what point does an AP lose her right to privacy when safety is concerned?

She doesn't. You go into rematch.