How to tell if nanny is a good one?

[Anonymous]

We are looking to replace our existing nanny and found someone, N, we really liked at the interview, she seemed very warm and loving. The first day of her trial period was yesterday. We haven't really been able to observe N with our 20 month old DC as DC wants to be just with us when we are around. But even if that weren't the case, I know nannies can act completely differently when they know the parents are there, or at the home (where there are cameras) versus outside. How can you tell if the nanny is truly caring and engaging or just putting on an act for the parents? N just moved to the U.S. a little over a year ago so her references are very light. She was nanny to her friend's kids for about a year so I take this reference with a little grain of salt because of course a person is going to be nicer to her friend's kids than a complete stranger's. Her next job lasted only a few months as the NF unexpectedly moved when the DB got transferred at work.

Whoever our next nanny will be, we want to feel confident she is the right person. We are not looking for the "perfect nanny" ideal, which does not exist. We have had enough caregivers (existing nanny, date night sitters, mother's helpers when I was on mat leave) to know that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Our priority is someone who will be loving and actively engage our child to support her development. We don't care if she's a terrible cook, comes a little late and doesn't always do all the baby-related chores. But the things I just mentioned are all pretty evident, whereas how the nanny is with a child when parents are not there is not at all. Would really appreciate some advice on this.

[Anonymous]

Is she even a legal citizen just moving to the US?? I'd keep looking if I were you it's too risky hiring her.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately a parent never truly can know 100% if their Nanny acts the same way they do alone than when the parents are present.

But there are things that can be done to get a clear idea if Nanny is as good as she seems.

Either have a neighbor watch said Nanny at the park or story time at the library a few times or you could also come home early & unexpected on occasion to see what the Nanny is doing w/your child.

[Anonymous]

I know our nanny is great because I hear great things from neighbors and nearby shopkeepers. I know because my kids are always so happy when she arrives. DD's first sentence was "Don't go." to the nanny when she was leaving at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know our nanny is great because I hear great things from neighbors and nearby shopkeepers. I know because my kids are always so happy when she arrives. DD's first sentence was "Don't go." to the nanny when she was leaving at the end of the day.

This. I knew we hired an educated and experienced nanny but didn't know how great she was until neighbors, librarians, mothers in Music Together and the park told me how great our nanny was. She is older and most people assumed she was my mother or my mother-in-law and they would tell me how wonderful it was that DS had such and involved and energetic grandma!

And DS asks for "my nanny" when she goes home and has cried more than once when she left for the day.

PS our nanny has never been late or forgotten to do a child related chore. You can have it all

[Anonymous]

The nanny thing is absolutely a leap of faith (nanny here, but I have also hired backup nannies for my families so I've been on both sides), but you have to give some trust at some point. That said, here's what all parents should do beforehand:

1) talk to each reference in depth. Ask questions that demand a detailed response (instead of "what are her faults" ask "what was the most challenging situation you've had with Nanny and how did you work through it?"). If she is light on professional references, ask for personal ones. And in all of her references, listen with your emotions too. For a great nanny, her references will be tripping over themselves to tell you how much they love her. They will feel that they can never repay her for the loving care she gave their children and will be so happy to talk as long as you want because they are glad to help their beloved nanny.

2) Run a thorough background check through a reputable company, google her and follow her on as many forms of social media as you can find.

3) Ask her detail-oriented questions. Nannying is not a well-paying or prestigious field. There aren't a whole lot of people who are smart/educated enough to know all the right answers but evil enough to abuse a child. Most bad things happen out of ignorance. They don't know a lot about discipline so they get frustrated and yell or spank, or they don't know the rules around safe sleep so a baby dies of SIDS, or they don't know first aid/cpr as well as they should and a toddler chokes to death because they can't help. Think through questions that demand explicit answers.

4) Trust your instincts, and if you don't, have a trusted friend or family member meet her as well. I know some moms who are so emotional about the whole thing that they just can't feel that trust in their own judgement, so they have someone else close to them come in to meet the nanny just to evaluate for red flags.

Once nanny starts, you can ask her to keep track of the places they frequent or enroll her in a class and go to those same places yourself on weekends. Over time, people will recognize you and tell you about your nanny. You can also swing by the house early now and then or ask neighbors to keep and eye out, but at some point that kind of things becomes an obsession with catching her in the wrong that robs you of trust instead of building it. You have to find a balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are looking to replace our existing nanny and found someone, N, we really liked at the interview, she seemed very warm and loving. The first day of her trial period was yesterday. We haven't really been able to observe N with our 20 month old DC as DC wants to be just with us when we are around. But even if that weren't the case, I know nannies can act completely differently when they know the parents are there, or at the home (where there are cameras) versus outside. How can you tell if the nanny is truly caring and engaging or just putting on an act for the parents? N just moved to the U.S. a little over a year ago so her references are very light. She was nanny to her friend's kids for about a year so I take this reference with a little grain of salt because of course a person is going to be nicer to her friend's kids than a complete stranger's. Her next job lasted only a few months as the NF unexpectedly moved when the DB got transferred at work.

Whoever our next nanny will be, we want to feel confident she is the right person. We are not looking for the "perfect nanny" ideal, which does not exist. We have had enough caregivers (existing nanny, date night sitters, mother's helpers when I was on mat leave) to know that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Our priority is someone who will be loving and actively engage our child to support her development. We don't care if she's a terrible cook, comes a little late and doesn't always do all the baby-related chores. But the things I just mentioned are all pretty evident, whereas how the nanny is with a child when parents are not there is not at all. Would really appreciate some advice on this.

Actually, I think items such as not being late, do the minimum expectations regarding chores, etc. are important. It's not that hard to be on time. Or to do the minimum. If a nanny isn't willing to do that, then that's insight into how she is as a caregiver. Being a terrible cook is irrelevant and doesn't belong in the same list as the other items. If I come home and my nanny says, "sorry the place is a wreck, but Larla wasn't feeling well and wanted me to hold her all day" that's the response of a good nanny. Just like with any job, I think a nanny should want to be considered good at her job.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for the feedback. Looking at the responses, I realize I should have asked the question "how to tell if nanny is a good one when you first hire her (or shortly after)? Our existing nanny is okay (but not super awesome), and I guess I'm a little apprehensive about replacing her only to find out that the new nanny is not as good as the old one. I know time will prove whether a nanny is a good one, but I would really love to know NOW while N is on trial and before I let our existing nanny go how great N (or any given nanny) really is.