Parent is competitive

[Anonymous]

One of the parents I work for now has started to act in a way that could be described as "competing" with me over who is better/more important to child/whatever. Obviously this whole thing is no-win for me. Anyone experienced this type of thing and if so, and tips on how to walk the line between continuing to be good at my job without making parent feel that I am trying to be better at nannying that they are at parenting?

[Anonymous]

Try to keep in mind that this kind of behavior usually comes from deep insecurity, or perhaps guilt at not being home with the child more.

With that mindset you can adjust how you interact w/ the parent - your tone, when/how you ask for what they prefer versus telling them what you think is best, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to keep in mind that this kind of behavior usually comes from deep insecurity, or perhaps guilt at not being home with the child more.

With that mindset you can adjust how you interact w/ the parent - your tone, when/how you ask for what they prefer versus telling them what you think is best, etc...

Thanks. I do try to keep that in mind. My employers are both lovely people other than this one (recent) issue, so it's easy to empathize.

[Anonymous]

MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

[Anonymous]

Put in your mind that it's a JOB. You aren't there to replace a parent so do what you are asked to do and leave it at that. Don't go the extra mile or drag that baggage home with you or think about it later. Let her compete with herself if she'd like.

[Anonymous]

15:17: Yikes!

12:27: Thanks for the perspective. I am definitely more of a Nanny1 types, but I can certainly try to notice what areas my help is not wanted and where it is more appreciated.

[Anonymous]

As a veteran nanny I would say this is common and understandable and temporary. Soon MB will realize that her child just doesn't see it as an either or proposition- the child loves the nanny as a nanny and the mother as a mom. We adults may be confused but the kids usually have it down just fine. Now if you start to see signs of a disorganized attachment then suggest some bond nutritive activities for the family, without mentioning your personal concerns. Activities like baby massage are good because it's not a part of the routine care that everyone does with the baby. It can be special.

Just let go of any ill feelings toward MB and keep being awesome. Jealousy is normal. Their appreciation for your loving care hopefully is bigger then their fears.

[Anonymous]

Time to find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

Let me get this straight. You think it's less competent for a nanny to come into work and assume she is to relieve the mom and take over feeding the baby instead cleaning up dishes that have been dirtied by the kids on YOUR WATCH? How dare you. Your nanny #2 sounds just as competent as your nanny #1. Why wouldn't you have the bags for school ready the night before and be going to get ready for work once your nanny arrives? Most
Nannies arrive to a clean home and work throughout their day to keep it that way and whatever mess is made while the kids are with them they rectify it before you come home from work. Your nanny deserved the same courtesy of coming in to a clean kitchen and not having to clean up breakfast dishes that you messed earlier that day. That's like mb coming home at 5 during nanny feeding a early evening snack and expecting YOU to clean up crumbs, knives with peanut butter on them and apple shavings on the counter while she continues to feed the snack. Most moms would take over feeding the kid so the nanny could clean up the snack mess she made and get out of the door.

Unreal. I'm glad you saw how immature you are but this woman was not incompetent cause you needed 2 nannies. The irony lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

You thought less of the nanny and wanted her to arrive and become the housekeeper because you weren't on schedule with finishing breakfast yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

You thought less of the nanny and wanted her to arrive and become the housekeeper because you weren't on schedule with finishing breakfast yet?

No. That was why I didn't feel like I was in some kind of battle for my children's affections with nanny1. Nanny 2 was less competent for other reasons related to her ability to care for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

Let me get this straight. You think it's less competent for a nanny to come into work and assume she is to relieve the mom and take over feeding the baby instead cleaning up dishes that have been dirtied by the kids on YOUR WATCH? How dare you. Your nanny #2 sounds just as competent as your nanny #1. Why wouldn't you have the bags for school ready the night before and be going to get ready for work once your nanny arrives? Most
Nannies arrive to a clean home and work throughout their day to keep it that way and whatever mess is made while the kids are with them they rectify it before you come home from work. Your nanny deserved the same courtesy of coming in to a clean kitchen and not having to clean up breakfast dishes that you messed earlier that day. That's like mb coming home at 5 during nanny feeding a early evening snack and expecting YOU to clean up crumbs, knives with peanut butter on them and apple shavings on the counter while she continues to feed the snack. Most moms would take over feeding the kid so the nanny could clean up the snack mess she made and get out of the door.

Unreal. I'm glad you saw how immature you are but this woman was not incompetent cause you needed 2 nannies. The irony lol

Dude. I had five kids, the older three were in elementary school and my husband had just died necessitating me working full time. Sorry that I didn't have all if the breakfast dishes done at 6:30am every day like most people would do in my situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and I went through a phase like that when I went back to work full time. I didn't recognize it until years later.
I had two nannies at the time: one who had worked for me while I was part time, and one that I hired to cover the additional hours as my initial nanny only wanted to work part time.
The second nanny was the recipient of this competitive attitude I had. Ironically, she was the less competent of the two, so I don't think thats what it was about. I think it was more about attitude. She was one of those who felt her job was 100% about taking care of the children and nothing else.

For example: I am eating breakfast with my children when she gets to work. Nanny #1 would start cleaning up breakfast dishes or pack backpacks while I finished. Nanny #2 would sit down and take over feeding the baby so that I could get backpacks packed for the older kids.
And nanny #1 always made sure the playroom was cleaned and things put back in their proper places so that I could play with my children. When one of the kids needed to go to the doctor, nanny #1 offered to stay with the other children so I could take him, while nanny #2 offered advice on how to take care of my sick child.

I don't know if any of that helps. Good luck. I know that is a tough road once it starts.

Let me get this straight. You think it's less competent for a nanny to come into work and assume she is to relieve the mom and take over feeding the baby instead cleaning up dishes that have been dirtied by the kids on YOUR WATCH? How dare you. Your nanny #2 sounds just as competent as your nanny #1. Why wouldn't you have the bags for school ready the night before and be going to get ready for work once your nanny arrives? Most
Nannies arrive to a clean home and work throughout their day to keep it that way and whatever mess is made while the kids are with them they rectify it before you come home from work. Your nanny deserved the same courtesy of coming in to a clean kitchen and not having to clean up breakfast dishes that you messed earlier that day. That's like mb coming home at 5 during nanny feeding a early evening snack and expecting YOU to clean up crumbs, knives with peanut butter on them and apple shavings on the counter while she continues to feed the snack. Most moms would take over feeding the kid so the nanny could clean up the snack mess she made and get out of the door.

Unreal. I'm glad you saw how immature you are but this woman was not incompetent cause you needed 2 nannies. The irony lol

Why would the mom automatically start feeding the baby instead of cleaning the kitchen at 5:00? I can see myself doing either. And if one is going to lead to a better relationship with my child or nanny, I would do that one. It's not like cleaning apple peels is particularly onerous.