Keeping in touch with former charges?
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Anonymous
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A wonderful nanny took care of our daughter from 3mo to a little past 3y, when we moved her to a preschool (no issues with the nanny, just ready for a change). Nanny was very sad, but understood, and she has expressed interest in keeping in touch. We would like to do that, but are unsure of the details. I am a little embarrassed that after 3 years, we are not better friends, but the only thing we've really had in common is DD.
For example -- she asked to spend a weekend afternoon with DD at a nearby park/shopping center, including dinner. Similarly, she has said if we ever want to take her out of preschool for a day, she'd love to have her (she's now watching other kids in her own home, but adding our daughter would not exceed her license). Should we offer to pay for her time, or for dinner? I think she'd refuse, but would it be offensive to offer? Or to NOT offer? We are planning to invite her whole family over (husband and two older kids) for dinner sometime soon. Is that appropriate reciprocation, if we alternate that sort of thing? I'll be honest - I expect it to be a little awkward, but she was such a huge part of our DDs life for so long, that I want to help them stay in touch for real, not just a Christmas card every year. I'm a bit of an antisocial introvert myself, so I'm struggling with how to transition from boss to friendship. Thanks for your help. |
Anonymous
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Our amazing former nanny volunteered to pick up our son one day a week at noon and spend the afternoon with him - free of charge. This has been going on for over a year. My son loves her dearly and she loves him. It has been wonderful for my son and made his transition to school so much easier.
My advise is to ask your former nanny point blank if her spending time with your child is to be compensated or not. Whatever her response is, I hope you honor it and allow her to stay in your DD's life for you DD's sense of security. |
Anonymous
| I'd start small, Give her $10 and suggest she take DD for ice cream and to a playground and be home in two hours. |
Anonymous
| Every family handles this differently. I usually do a combination of unpaid things where I ask if I can take the kid(s) to a specific outing or event and paid times when the parents ask me to provide childcare. Why don't you see how she'd feel about you booking her once a month for a date night or something similar at X rate? Like everything with nannies, the key is communication! |
Anonymous
| I've been with my nanny family for almost 10 years and just thinking about leaving gives me so much anxiety- the kids have become such a huge part of my life. It's very kind of you to allow the relationship to continue but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your weekend time as a family. Maybe former nanny can take the child to a park some day after school during the week. |
Anonymous
[b] Every week? This is weird and you're taking advantage. |
Anonymous
Yes. It's the "free of charge" that gives her away. |
doodlebug
Member when-present<#else>when-missing. (These only cover the last step of the expression; to cover the whole expression, use parenthesis: (myOptionalVar.foo)!myDefault, (myOptionalVar.foo)?? ---- ---- FTL stack trace ("~" means nesting-related): - Failed at: ${avatarPath} [in template "default/post_show_user_inc.htm" at line 25, column 70] - Reached through: #include "post_show_user_inc.htm" [in template "default/post_show.htm" at line 109, column 33] ---- Java stack trace (for programmers): ---- freemarker.core.InvalidReferenceException: [... Exception message was already printed; see it above ...] at freemarker.core.InvalidReferenceException.getInstance(InvalidReferenceException.java:131) at freemarker.core.EvalUtil.coerceModelToString(EvalUtil.java:355) at freemarker.core.Expression.evalAndCoerceToString(Expression.java:82) at freemarker.core.DollarVariable.accept(DollarVariable.java:41) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.IfBlock.accept(IfBlock.java:48) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.ConditionalBlock.accept(ConditionalBlock.java:48) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.Environment.include(Environment.java:2072) at freemarker.core.Include.accept(Include.java:167) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.executeNestedBlockInner(IteratorBlock.java:240) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.executeNestedBlock(IteratorBlock.java:220) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.accept(IteratorBlock.java:194) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitIteratorBlock(Environment.java:572) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock.acceptWithResult(IteratorBlock.java:78) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock.accept(IteratorBlock.java:64) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.Environment.process(Environment.java:302) at freemarker.template.Template.process(Template.java:325) at net.jforum.JForum.processCommand(JForum.java:233) at net.jforum.JForum.service(JForum.java:200) at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:623) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:210) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at org.apache.tomcat.websocket.server.WsFilter.doFilter(WsFilter.java:51) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:179) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at net.jforum.util.legacy.clickstream.ClickstreamFilter.doFilter(ClickstreamFilter.java:59) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:179) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardWrapperValve.invoke(StandardWrapperValve.java:168) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContextValve.invoke(StandardContextValve.java:90) at org.apache.catalina.authenticator.AuthenticatorBase.invoke(AuthenticatorBase.java:481) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardHostValve.invoke(StandardHostValve.java:130) at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorReportValve.invoke(ErrorReportValve.java:93) at org.apache.catalina.valves.AbstractAccessLogValve.invoke(AbstractAccessLogValve.java:670) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngineValve.invoke(StandardEngineValve.java:74) at org.apache.catalina.connector.CoyoteAdapter.service(CoyoteAdapter.java:346) at org.apache.coyote.ajp.AjpProcessor.service(AjpProcessor.java:424) at org.apache.coyote.AbstractProcessorLight.process(AbstractProcessorLight.java:63) at org.apache.coyote.AbstractProtocol$ConnectionHandler.process(AbstractProtocol.java:928) at org.apache.tomcat.util.net.NioEndpoint$SocketProcessor.doRun(NioEndpoint.java:1786) at org.apache.tomcat.util.net.SocketProcessorBase.run(SocketProcessorBase.java:52) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPoolExecutor.runWorker(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:1191) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPoolExecutor$Worker.run(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:659) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.TaskThread$WrappingRunnable.run(TaskThread.java:63) at java.base/java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:840)Keeping in touch with former charges?
Member when-present<#else>when-missing. (These only cover the last step of the expression; to cover the whole expression, use parenthesis: (myOptionalVar.foo)!myDefault, (myOptionalVar.foo)?? ---- ---- FTL stack trace ("~" means nesting-related): - Failed at: ${avatarPath} [in template "default/post_show_user_inc.htm" at line 25, column 70] - Reached through: #include "post_show_user_inc.htm" [in template "default/post_show.htm" at line 109, column 33] ---- Java stack trace (for programmers): ---- freemarker.core.InvalidReferenceException: [... Exception message was already printed; see it above ...] at freemarker.core.InvalidReferenceException.getInstance(InvalidReferenceException.java:131) at freemarker.core.EvalUtil.coerceModelToString(EvalUtil.java:355) at freemarker.core.Expression.evalAndCoerceToString(Expression.java:82) at freemarker.core.DollarVariable.accept(DollarVariable.java:41) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.IfBlock.accept(IfBlock.java:48) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.ConditionalBlock.accept(ConditionalBlock.java:48) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.Environment.include(Environment.java:2072) at freemarker.core.Include.accept(Include.java:167) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitByHiddingParent(Environment.java:345) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.executeNestedBlockInner(IteratorBlock.java:240) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.executeNestedBlock(IteratorBlock.java:220) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock$IterationContext.accept(IteratorBlock.java:194) at freemarker.core.Environment.visitIteratorBlock(Environment.java:572) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock.acceptWithResult(IteratorBlock.java:78) at freemarker.core.IteratorBlock.accept(IteratorBlock.java:64) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.MixedContent.accept(MixedContent.java:54) at freemarker.core.Environment.visit(Environment.java:324) at freemarker.core.Environment.process(Environment.java:302) at freemarker.template.Template.process(Template.java:325) at net.jforum.JForum.processCommand(JForum.java:233) at net.jforum.JForum.service(JForum.java:200) at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:623) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:210) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at org.apache.tomcat.websocket.server.WsFilter.doFilter(WsFilter.java:51) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:179) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at net.jforum.util.legacy.clickstream.ClickstreamFilter.doFilter(ClickstreamFilter.java:59) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:179) at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:154) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardWrapperValve.invoke(StandardWrapperValve.java:168) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContextValve.invoke(StandardContextValve.java:90) at org.apache.catalina.authenticator.AuthenticatorBase.invoke(AuthenticatorBase.java:481) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardHostValve.invoke(StandardHostValve.java:130) at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorReportValve.invoke(ErrorReportValve.java:93) at org.apache.catalina.valves.AbstractAccessLogValve.invoke(AbstractAccessLogValve.java:670) at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngineValve.invoke(StandardEngineValve.java:74) at org.apache.catalina.connector.CoyoteAdapter.service(CoyoteAdapter.java:346) at org.apache.coyote.ajp.AjpProcessor.service(AjpProcessor.java:424) at org.apache.coyote.AbstractProcessorLight.process(AbstractProcessorLight.java:63) at org.apache.coyote.AbstractProtocol$ConnectionHandler.process(AbstractProtocol.java:928) at org.apache.tomcat.util.net.NioEndpoint$SocketProcessor.doRun(NioEndpoint.java:1786) at org.apache.tomcat.util.net.SocketProcessorBase.run(SocketProcessorBase.java:52) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPoolExecutor.runWorker(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:1191) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPoolExecutor$Worker.run(ThreadPoolExecutor.java:659) at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.TaskThread$WrappingRunnable.run(TaskThread.java:63) at java.base/java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:840)
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