au pair's friends in the hosue

[Anonymous]

our au pair has been with us for 9 months - and for the most part has been wonderful. but for the most few months in particular she's been going against our wishes/rules when it comes to her friends.

she has a basement appartment and has her own entrance so we don't always know when people are coming into our home. she's been having people over, spending the night, AND in her room while she's on duty. we also just learned from the kids that she has had au pairs riding in the car with her and the kids. all without our permission - which is against our house rules.

she's going out a lot especially since she began friends with this one au pair (who by the way doesn't say hi when we see her on our property). we've asked her to work only 2 saturdays since she's been here - and she's been late, wearing the same clothes and make up from the night before and is clearly hung over. those times i was here and we needed her to keep an eye on the kids when we packed for a trip - so we were here - but there's no way i could leave my kids with her alone like that.

i remind her that i don't care what she does out of our home (and not with our kids) but that all changes when it affects her responsiblities at home or if she's disrespecting our rules. and i know she lies to us sometimes but i haven't pressed the issue.

my question is whether this a common slide that happens at the end of the year. i already told her we need to talk and plan to address all of this with her.

[Anonymous]

It is not typical for an AP to fall apart in the last 3 months. Normally that happens in like month 6 or 7 and then towards the end they start getting ready to go home and get kind of "recharged" to finish their year and enjoy their time. Sounds like yours just does not give a shit, so I think a sit down would be good. Give her the "you can do it" speech or something that finishing strong is in her best interest, or you will finish it now and she can spend the next 3 months with a new family.

[Anonymous]

I disagree - I think the last 3 months is the senior spring of AP year and many APs start to phone it in and party really hard with their friends in advance of saying goodbye.

You need a reset conversation with this girl.

[Anonymous]

AP's normally bottom out around month 6 or 7. First 2 months getting used to everything, hit their prime around month 3-6, then hit a slump of sorts where they either focus on their social life, annoyed with our kids, or both. They start counting down around month 8 or 9 to going home, so traveling in the US, or locking in a guy (as in they focus on "where is this going?" if they are dating an American). By month 9 or 10 they regain focus and want to wrap up on a good note.

You have an odd AP that must have something else going on. I would just ask her and be prepared to send her packing. 13:55 needs to review about 1000 posts about this on aupairmom.com - there is a pattern and you are not dealing with a slide.