How to rescind an offer?

[Anonymous]

We're looking for some very PT help about 10 hrs. a week. I interviewed a few people and made an offer. I wasn't sure about the "fit" personality wise but she has experience with special needs which one of my kids has and she seems dependable. It's for such a short time I thought I won't have that much interaction so as long as she's good with the kids it's fine. I told her I was going to check references but the only person she's sent is a family member. She says she doesn't have other work references. There may be a good reason but this is a big red flag for me and coupled with the fact I had some reservations already I want to pull the offer. I feel terrible. In all the years we've had nannies or babysitters I've never done that before. It's a lesson to me that I shouldn't make an offer until talking with references but honestly there's just been so much going on I haven't been thinking clearly. Help me get out of this gracefully DCUM. I think she needs the job so I really feel awful.

[Anonymous]

How long ago did you make the offer? If only a couple day then it's not that bad. A couple weeks and it's kind of shitty.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell her you were going to check references after you gave her the offer? Or did you have the references, but just not get around to checking them beforehand?

I ask because if you said it as you were giving her the offer, then I would assume if I were her that your offer was contingent on good references. You can now go back and say that you thought the family member would have more substantial information about her work reliability, and that without other references, you're sorry, but you'll have to move on.

Otherwise, it will be less graceful, but you'll just have to say what you say here: on further reflection, you just can't hire someone with no work history to work in your home with your child. You're sure she's a wonderful person, but you need some sort of work history to go on since you won't be there to supervise, and you hope she'll find something soon.

It's 10/hour a week job; I suspect she'll be bummed, but it's not like you're pulling a full time nanny gig.

[Anonymous]

It was just yesterday that I offered her the job. I'm obviously going to tell her today. Just need some ideas on what to say. Should I say it's because of the references? On one hand I think it might be helpful for her to know that not having any references might be an issue for others as well. On the other I'm tempted to just apologize and say a more general "our plans/needs have changed" but that seems kind of weird given that it's 24 hours later so really what could have changed that fast? Help me DCUM. I'm clearly not thinking straight this weekend!

[Anonymous]

OP again - I haven't actually called the family member because I don't want to waste anyone's time if we're not hiring her. I assume a close family member will give a good reference so I don't really think there's any useful info to be gained there since it's also different working for a stranger with kids you're not related to. I didn't specifically say it was contingent on the references but I did say we were going to check them and asked her to send me some after the offer.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her that it is because of the lack of references - then it's kind of not on her and gives her an idea that she should get some.

Or say your mother is going to look after the kids, you just found out.

Don't feel too bad - it's only been a day, and it's a short gig so she won't be completely cut off.

[Anonymous]

You must have known that her only reference was a family member when you discussed her prior experience. Why did you offer the job? Your story is a huge flag and she is well rid of you because I bet you found someone cheaper.

[Anonymous]

16:09- Eye roll.

[Anonymous]

Well, that's uncomfortable but I would never hire without references. I hired a nanny for whom we were her first full-time professional job but even she gave me 4 references of other mothers, and a professor, as references.

I think you have to trust your gut instincts OP. You can't hire someone about whom you have reservations - it's better to just have the difficult conversation. "Marla, I have been thinking a lot about this, but I can't in good conscience hire someone without references - especially when my child has special needs. I should have been more clear about that up front. I wish you all the best."

Also - this is the kind of thing where my husband and I are perfectly fine having the other one of us be the alleged bad guy if need be. "I'm so sorry, but my husband is not willing to hire someone without professional references. I was so excited to meet you given your experience, but he and I make all hiring decisions together for the family so I am unable to hire you...."

[Anonymous]

Op I certainly understand your predicament but how exactly is she supposed to get references if no one will give her a job without them? Serious question. Everyone has to start somewhere. And don't assume the ref won't give accurate info just because it's family. Ask the right questions and you'll learn what you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Dear Potential Nanny,

We are going to have to reconsider our offer for your employment with our family. We loved your enthusiasm, wiliness to work and you appeared very dependable. But, we are not comfortable with your reporting a significant amount of experience in child care and special needs and only are able to give us one reference, who is a family member.

Best of luck in securing new employment.

Sincerely,

[Anonymous]

Do it now before she turns down other offers.

[Anonymous]

OP, like you stated....Yes, it is always best to talk to a prospective nanny's references prior to extending a job offer.
To hire her first, then check her references after the fact would be putting the cart before the horse.

That being said, I find it very odd that this prospective nanny claims she has previous childcare experience, yet cannot supply you w/even one or two employer references.
Especially if she has experience working w/special needs children.
Very odd indeed.

I wouldn't even contact a relative reference because of course they will say wonderful things about her.

I know you may feel bad, but you must prioritize your child over everything else.

Apologize to this prospective nanny, own that you should have checked references before offering her the job & wish her only the best in her job search.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Was the offer contingent on checking references? If so, either tell her your needs changed or that you need professional references (of some sort, even if they aren't nanny related.)

If you made it sound like you already checked references, or asked as an afterthought, I don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? Is she like 13 or something? How can she have NO job references? How did you not realize she had never worked before?