Dealing with passing of one of nanny parents

[Anonymous]

How to comfort family? How to handle kids? Not sure how to proceed with death in nanny family.

[Anonymous]

Sympathy card, and take your lead from nanny.

[Anonymous]

I think she means one of the parents died. Just do your best to listen and comfort the children. I imagine this may be uncomfortable at times, and very sad, but being a stable, constant presence in their life, especially since you aren't as personally affected as everyone in their family, is one of the most important tasks you'll ever have as a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I think it reads as, the nannys mom or dad passed away.

[Anonymous]

I read it as either MB or DB has passed.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for confusion, I don't know the proper terms to use. I meant I am the nanny and one of the parents of the family I work for passed away.

[Anonymous]

Oh my! How sad!

Just try to be a rock of stability for them. I am sure that would be the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

PP again. And I am sure you need someone to be a rock of stability for you as well. I expect this has shaken up your life almost as much as it has theirs.

[Anonymous]

Don't be afraid to show your emotions (try not to be a hysterical weepy mess, but if you are sad, be sad) in front of the kids, as they need to see that others are experiencing this as well. Talk to the surviving parent about how they want to answer questions (are they religious)? Look into counseling through the kids' schools if they are that age or look for family therapists in the area so that you can oresent surviving spouse with some resources. Talk about and let kids talk about the parent they lost, and listen calmly andnopenly to any emotions or thoughts they choose to share. Keep things as stable and predictable as possible, including not letting discipline, bedtimes and routine go to hell just because they are going through this. It's tough to put a kid in this situation in a time-out, but try not to let them get away with a ton of stuff they never have before because they need that structure and reassurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for confusion, I don't know the proper terms to use. I meant I am the nanny and one of the parents of the family I work for passed away.

So, OP, one of the grandparents died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be afraid to show your emotions (try not to be a hysterical weepy mess, but if you are sad, be sad) in front of the kids, as they need to see that others are experiencing this as well. Talk to the surviving parent about how they want to answer questions (are they religious)? Look into counseling through the kids' schools if they are that age or look for family therapists in the area so that you can oresent surviving spouse with some resources. Talk about and let kids talk about the parent they lost, and listen calmly andnopenly to any emotions or thoughts they choose to share. Keep things as stable and predictable as possible, including not letting discipline, bedtimes and routine go to hell just because they are going through this. It's tough to put a kid in this situation in a time-out, but try not to let them get away with a ton of stuff they never have before because they need that structure and reassurance.

I believe it was one of the grandparents that died

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again. And I am sure you need someone to be a rock of stability for you as well. I expect this has shaken up your life almost as much as it has theirs.

How so. Pretty terrible thing for you to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. And I am sure you need someone to be a rock of stability for you as well. I expect this has shaken up your life almost as much as it has theirs.

How so. Pretty terrible thing for you to say

Huh?

I am the poster you are quoting.

If the MB or DB who employ me died, I would be pretty shaken up. And I would have to continue to show up in their home to take care of the children who would be distraught. And the other parent would have to be making funeral arrangements, etc. Relatives and friends would all be showing up at the house mourning. And I would have to be the rock of stability for those children. But once I got home from work, I would totally want to call my own mom and have a good long cry over the phone myself. Because my own mom would be the rock of stability that I, as a nanny, would need in my life if I was going through that.

I am going to assume you misunderstood the intent of what I posted. Things posted on line can sometimes get jumbled.

[Anonymous]

That's a tough position to be in. I doubt I'd be able to handle it. My own kid's dad passed away and if this happened at my job I'd probably fall apart. Sucks I know...but I'd try hard to be there for the kids and give them as much love and comfort as possible.

[Anonymous]

Wow that's awful and so hard. Just try to be there for the kids that you watch as much as possible, try to keep up their routine. Realize that grief can manifest in many ways in people and children. Be okay with emotions, crying. If you can help the other parent in little ways right now, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.