Newbie questions about infant care options
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Anonymous
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Apologize in advance if I'm posting in the wrong forum or asking really dumb questions, but we're about to be first-time parents after a 10-year battle with infertility and many, many losses. Over the last 10 years I got to know a ton abut infertility, but I know absolutely zippo about child care (except what I learned babysitting and caring for younger siblings). Please excuse the total ignorance of this post.
So, we are having a son in August (knock wood). I can stay home through October, and DH may stay home for November. When I go back to work, I plan to work part-time for at least 6 months. During the time that I'm working part-time, we'd need childcare from 8:30am to 6:00pm for three days a week (pref T/W/Th, but that's negotiable). Once I go back to work full-time, we'll be looking at center-based care. Trying to decide what's the better option for those three days a week during the period when I'm part-time and he's an infant - an au pair or a part-time nanny. Thoughts? What's the better option? Will it even be possible to find someone to be a part-time nanny for such a short period of time? FWIW - we have a two bedroom condo, so the au pair solution would mean living in semi-tight quarters for awhile. Not crazy about that. If it matters, we're in NWDC. |
Anonymous
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AU pair would mean a year commitment. People do the program for a lot of reasons but the people who care a lot about hosting someone, getting to know their culture, getting to show them your culture, and having genuine experiences together tend to be happier than people who are looking to child care only. As FT parents, you may find having another person, who is not your close friend / family) stressful the first few months. Do you really want to take someone to see the monuments at 2 months pp?
Part time nannies exist. You usually pay more because of the convience. But, depending on how long you use them, taxes might not be a thing (I could be totally wrong but I think under a certain number of hours total in the year is tax exempt, but check with someone who knows). But I think it is like 20/ week. three days a week at ten hours is approaching full time. There are nannies who work 35 guaranteed hours a week and are happy with that. You might do better with a nanny share or nanny split. Someone who needs two or three days. They take Monday / Friday and you take T/W/Th. (Although because of holidays most people will want some mid week days. The nanny is full time, you get to only pay for three days and get solo nanny care or only double on one day, and everyone is happy. You could also look into someone who has a kid in part time pre school. We did this. We used the nanny during the hours when the kids were in preschool. Infant got solo care, nanny was full time, parents of older kid did not have to pay for nanny and preschool overlap. Nanny was fine with two days a week keeping infant until later in the day (so full time care for us) and we paid a different rate because older kids were there. Many different options are out there. You just need to look and be clear about what you want. Also, people will also recommend an in home daycare. Smaller than a center and more likely to be flexible to part time. Also more likely to be open the hours you need (8-6) |
Anonymous
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An AP doesn't sound like a good fit for your needs.
A short-term, part-time Nanny will likely mean a premium pay rate for several reasons: 1) PT care is more expensive because Nanny has to earn enough to pay her bills, and trying to cobble together 2 - 3 pt jobs is insanely hard. 2) Short-term jobs mean Nanny needs to be able to cushion her bank account for another job search period, especially if the job end date is not set in stone. I am curious as to why you believe day care a the best option for your 8 or 9 month old. Can you elaborate on that? |
Anonymous
| How do you "plan" to work part time? Who is going to hire you part time? |
Anonymous
OP here. Not exactly the topic of the post, but my employer offers optional part-time for new parents. It's part of the benefit package. Thanks, other pps. Appreciate the insight. As for the question about center care from 11:27, the center is in the same building as my job so I'd have fast access. It's also very well regarded for child development. |
Anonymous
| You can certainly find what you're looking for, but it will cost more per hour that a standard nanny position. I would recommend going through an agency so you an find someone qualified and who won't flake on you near the end. |
Anonymous
| Can you start the baby at the center earlier? You might pay for full time but only take a few days a week. Expensive but then you and kid get familiar with day care routine before you have to go back full time. Gives you options of something comes up at work, you want to change days, you get sick. If you know what center you want to use and like them for development, I don't see any downside to starting walker (other than cost) and trying to put together enticing nanny package, paying taxes, any benefits (use your car, leaving lunch for nanny, days off) might quickly approach center costs. |
Anonymous
OP here. We're ok with paying full-time for a center spot even while I'm part-time, but we're on a nine-month waiting list for the center near DH, and there's an unknown wait for the center at my work. (We're 27th on the list, but they've given us zero sense of what that means for when and whether we'll get in.) I'm not sure we can count on getting into either center by the time I would need to go back to work. The au pair or part-time, short-term nanny options, will have to be plan B until our turn comes up. (And in anticipation of the next question, if we can't get into the centers near work, then I would rather have our LO cared for at home until a center spot comes open, if only to avoid having to take on a more challenging commute in winter weather with an infant. Metro is bad enough as it is.) It sounds like the consensus is that the best Plan B, albeit possibly really expensive, would be to go through an agency to get a part-time, short-term nanny. Is this basically what people think? Definitely not an au pair? |
Anonymous
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First, to be a great au pair host parent, you need to be willing to offer her cents MetroCard bar, some travel time with you, usually some cash bonuses here and there, etc. All of that plus agencies plus the statement to add up to the point where it is not so much cheaper than a nanny. Add to that the fact that you cannot get an au pair for only half of the year, so if you go back to work after only six months of meeting her to care for your son, you will still have her for another six months and be paying her stipend in addition to daycare costs, so I suspect that financially it is not going to be any cheaper and could possibly be even more expensive.
Furthermore, the emotional costs of an au pair are very high. You need to be prepared to really include her in your family life, and there is a high level of communication required. And you may have difficulty in finding an au pair who is interested in working under your parameters in such a small home in close quarters with you and your spouse. If you are not truly committed to being an excellent host parent and offering your hair the full experience of living in an American family, or if you do not have solid communication with the au pair, or if you just get bad luck and end up with an au pair who is not stellar in every way, and the au pair experience can quickly turn sour. For all of these reasons, I would say that and au pair is not a good fit for your situation. Perhaps you could look at in-home daycare's or stay at home moms who lives near you and might be willing to take your son on part time on a temporary basis. That would be A more economical way to get part time temporary care. |
Anonymous
| My understanding is that OP is looking for the best choice for her child, not the cheapest. An experienced nanny is the best choice. An agency would definitely be the best choice for your schedule. If you knew your job was ending in a month and you had no income coming in at that point and was offered a great, long lasting position, would you take it? Most nannies would, they'd be idiots not to! An agency or possibly a large retention bonus will ensure that nanny stays. |
Anonymous
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11:27 here again. OP, are you 27th on the wait list for ANY space? I am guessing you are not 27th on the list for an infant/toddler space because that would mean your baby might be 3 before he entered daycare!
I think you need to ask some very specific questions of the daycare director about student attrition. How many spaces become available each month, how are people moved off the wait list, do they move current students to new classes to allow wait listed kids into the day care based on their wait list status, etc. For example, if you finally get to #1 on the wait list when your son is 13 months old, but the first space that opens is in a class for 16 - 18 month olds, do they move the oldest child from the 13 - 15 month olds class up to make room for your child, or does the 16 month old who is #4 on the wait list get the open space? I forgot to mention, and was reminded by a pp, you will want to offer a serious retention bonus to the nanny you hire. It sounds as if the daycare start date may end up completely unknown for the place near your office, which may mean very short notice for your nanny. That is where money will talk loudly. "The job will end as soon as we are made aware we can start daycare. Because of that, we are offering a retention bonus of 4 weeks pay if you stay with us until baby starts daycare, plus an hourly rate of $22 - 25, and guaranteed pay. We are also offering 3 personal/sick days after one month, and you will earn another day each month you work." Blessings to you and your husband, by the way! |
Anonymous
| Oh, and don't talk retention bonus with anyone except your top 2 nanny candidates!! |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the advice about a retention bonus. Great idea.
To answer 11:27, I don't know. I didn't really know what questions to ask when we signed up. (We got on the list as soon as we cleared the 1st trimester. My head was still spinning that it was really happening.) Several colleagues have told me they got in with numbers far further down the waiting list, but that was years ago and their experience may not apply. We were told that most openings occur in January or September. Thanks for the tips on what follow-up questions to ask. In any case, even if we get into a center, we most likely will not want to suddenly stop with the nanny or au pair anyway. We have no family here and will want the extra help. Nanny or au pair could help me two days a week, for example, even after we're in a center. I just don't think it's going to be one of those situations where it's suddenly done, at least not on our side. We would be able to ensure for our part, anyway, that any transition is mutually agreeable, even if that transition occurs many months after our LO gets a spot at a center. As for the au pair,, I appreciate your advice 19:50, but you are assuming some things about us that are incorrect. We both speak multiple languages, both are former college professors in cultural studies, DH is an immigrant, etc. There is no question that we could provide an emotionally supportive and educational experience to an au pair. Finances aren't the central concern either. It truly is a question of space and the challenges of adding two new people to our tiny household. I just don't know what that's like. In summary, it sounds like the trade-offs are as follows: * part-time nanny - more privacy at home and flexibility for us (with respect to transitioning to center care), but higher costs and more uncertainty about duration of care (she could leave at a time that's inconvenient for us) * au pair - less privacy and flexibility, costs could be about the same (maybe a little more or a little less than a nanny), but a little more certainty about duration of care (assuming the match works) and a little more support Does that about capture it? |
Anonymous
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19:50 here. My statements about supporting her cultural experience have nothing to do with how culturally aware you are as a couple and everything to do with how open and extroverted you are. Just because you might share a language doesn't mean that you will be happy to have to explain to her how insurance works and help her enroll for classes while you are sleep deprived and trying to figure out breastfeeding. Think about your most annoying stereotypically millenial intern/coworker. Now picture that person living with you during the most emotionally and physically draining experience of your life. How well would you and your spouse cope?
People who do poorly with the AP program are those who underestimate their own needs, overestimate their own patience or managerial/communication skills and who expect their AP to be a mature adult, when most APs are very young and often have some vestigal teen angst. I am not trying to scare you away, and I do think that, given your follow-up, having and AP for a full year might work in your favor as you manage it all, but I wanted to encourage you to look at yourself and your spouse and evaluate how comfortable you would truly be with an AP. |
Anonymous
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No need to apologize OP....Your question is a very legitimate one.
Your best bet for when you are working part-time would be a part-time nanny for sure. An au pair situation would be kind of tricky because the quarters would be very tight plus au pairs usually work full-time hours, sometimes up to 50/per wk. And yes, you can absolutely find someone willing to work three days a week temporarily. I once had a position where I worked 3x a week. In truth, there are some people who don't like babysitting full-time & would prefer a few days weekly. 
Good luck! |