ahh. . . matching

[Anonymous]

I'm in the process right now. I just have a few comments, not really any questions. So stressful and time consuming. It's our 5th year doing it. Last year, I remember expressing the difficulty of matching to our then-current au pair, and she was surprised. She thought it was just so easy for host families. Ha.

Anyway, I have been reaching out to au pairs trying to start conversations about potential matches, and I got this message back this week:

"You are not the right match for me. And therefore I think it is fair for both parts if we just end it right here and try to find the perfect match for us both. "

I actually really appreciate that message, as I can easily move on to the next. It's so much better than just not responding, which is what some do. But it is also funny to me the way she said it, with absolutely no indication as to why. Makes me wonder what she is looking for. Not that it matters, just interesting to me.

And this year, I have had a few who don't even bother to log in to look at our profile. I think that is odd. I use CC and APIA, and CC tells you when they last logged in, so you can tell when there is no way they even looked at your profile. That suggests to me they have people who really aren't very serious about matching.

Blah. Just blah. We're getting there. I do have a really strong lead that we are excited about, so that's good.

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for our eighth au pair, and the responses I'm getting back seem much more ... pointed and abrupt this year than I've seen in the past.

Both replies (we've only reached out to three candidates so far - we have very strict "rules" about what we want to see as far as experience before we'll even talk to a candidate) have been pretty much rephrasing of "you seem very nice but I'm not interested." One went as far as to say she doesn't want our part of the country. Which I also appreciate, but candidates in the past have used less pointed phrasing. The third candidate hasn't written back at all, which is most annoying.

Anyway, I keep telling myself that every year I get discouraged by what I'm seeing until I find "our" candidate. She must just not be loaded into the system yet.

Just like you, I just needed to vent and realize I'm not the only one going through this. We LOVE our LCC and know from talking to our au pair's friends that the other companies' LCCs in our area are not nearly as good, so we're sticking with APIA for now - good to hear that CCAP's pool is much the same right now.

[Anonymous]

I am sure it depends on the agency, but she probably gets and automated email with just enough details for her to figure out your family is not what she is looking for... Location and number/age of kids come to mind.

I really feel that like any job seekers, smart APs should plan to speak with every family who approaches them, but try telling that to a 19-26yr old. Millennials are overconfident, yet they should remember that not all AP applicants find families.

Too bad for her.

[Anonymous]

I like it when they bail early. One less headache for me! Matching is never much fun.

[Anonymous]

That might be her cut and paste message to anyone she declines. Why does it matter why she doesn't want to match with you?

[Anonymous]

We just finished matching and left our agency with great llc and great first 3 aps.
Our agency just had like no candidates we were seriously interested in at all. We gave it 6 weeks and went to new agency with better candidates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That might be her cut and paste message to anyone she declines. Why does it matter why she doesn't want to match with you?

OP here. It doesn't matter--which I did say in my message above. It just was so striking when she said it that way, and I do feel a little curious. And as I also said, I appreciate that she responded at ALL-- and her bailing early.

It hadn't occurred to me that they get a snapshot from the agency. That's helpful to think about. I doubt any au pairs dream of coming to the DC area. We do have a really detailed profile, though, so they would be smart to actually look at it. . .

It's fine. I was just making some comments about the process, as I knew some people out there could relate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure it depends on the agency, but she probably gets and automated email with just enough details for her to figure out your family is not what she is looking for... Location and number/age of kids come to mind.

I really feel that like any job seekers, smart APs should plan to speak with every family who approaches them, but try telling that to a 19-26yr old. Millennials are overconfident, yet they should remember that not all AP applicants find families.

Too bad for her.

Better to not match at all and not be an AP then come over and have a bad match.

[Anonymous]

I went through this experience last year when we couldn't find someone to match with us for over two months. We ended up with a rematch AP who filled us in on the many re-matches that she and her friends went through in one year. They had a list of perks they were hoping for (location, their own car, school-aged kid(s), ski vacations, etc), but never addressed what kind of characteristics (kindness, warmth, fun-loving, etc) or connection they were looking for in a family. It was all a mystery to them when things didn't work out, and while in re-match, they looked for the same set of perks and ended up in re-match again. Your detailed profile will go a long way in weeding out the APs whose priorities might lead to a disappointing year.

[Anonymous]

My friends just went through matching. They had a similar experience to yours. Many girls turning them down before they even had a conversation- and they are an easy family with 2 schoolage kids. A few girls with whom conversations were going well, actually asked them to release them, so they could talk to other potential families.
They talked to our LCC, and she says this is common this year. They are guessing that many incoming APs only want to be in NY, FL or CA.

Our AP is here for a few more months, but it makes me scared for match season.

One suggestion for CCAP is to let the APs have 2-3 families they can talk to at a time, instead of just 1. It seems like these APs turn down a family immediately, because they don't want to be locked up in their account

[Anonymous]

PP above- another suggestion is for CCAP (and maybe other agencies if they operate similarly) to filter candidates based on where in the country they will live. Like APs who will live anywhere will be accessible by all host families. APs who only choose CA, FL, NY will be filtered out, and then I, as a host parent, don't need to waste my valuable time looking at these APs.

Also then maybe the APs will realize more quickly that when 80% of the APs only want CA, FL, NY, their chance of actually finding a family in those states falls dramatically. Maybe then they will wise up, or just drop out of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above- another suggestion is for CCAP (and maybe other agencies if they operate similarly) to filter candidates based on where in the country they will live. Like APs who will live anywhere will be accessible by all host families. APs who only choose CA, FL, NY will be filtered out, and then I, as a host parent, don't need to waste my valuable time looking at these APs.

Also then maybe the APs will realize more quickly that when 80% of the APs only want CA, FL, NY, their chance of actually finding a family in those states falls dramatically. Maybe then they will wise up, or just drop out of the program.

This would be WONDERFUL. It would also give me an idea of the ones that are family shopping - I don't want an au pair whose main driving force in choosing a family is that they live in California. I want an au pair who wants a great host family first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above- another suggestion is for CCAP (and maybe other agencies if they operate similarly) to filter candidates based on where in the country they will live. Like APs who will live anywhere will be accessible by all host families. APs who only choose CA, FL, NY will be filtered out, and then I, as a host parent, don't need to waste my valuable time looking at these APs.

Also then maybe the APs will realize more quickly that when 80% of the APs only want CA, FL, NY, their chance of actually finding a family in those states falls dramatically. Maybe then they will wise up, or just drop out of the program.

I think CCAP actually already does that with extension APs. When I searching for extensions last year, the search would tell me there are '30 results', but I would only see 2 or 3. I was told I was only seeing the candidates who were actually interested in my area.

What you are proposing is interesting although how would APs know that they are zillions competing with one another, unless they could see the search results too? Also, it would really suck for the lone family in Nebraska who might not see any candidates...

I had a hard time finding a suitor last year, although I was primarily looking at extensions and they seem to be notoriously picky (despite our easy gig and desirable location). We ended up with a great OOC girl. This is our last year, and posts like this one make me feel thankful that I don't have to go through the search/interview process again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above- another suggestion is for CCAP (and maybe other agencies if they operate similarly) to filter candidates based on where in the country they will live. Like APs who will live anywhere will be accessible by all host families. APs who only choose CA, FL, NY will be filtered out, and then I, as a host parent, don't need to waste my valuable time looking at these APs.

Also then maybe the APs will realize more quickly that when 80% of the APs only want CA, FL, NY, their chance of actually finding a family in those states falls dramatically. Maybe then they will wise up, or just drop out of the program.

As a CA girl I would love this. We ended up dropping out of the AP program after 5 years because of one rematch after another (due to a pregnancy, car accidents, constant texting/phone, partying, etc.. not just me being picky.) The flipside of living in CA is that you get girls whose first priority is living in a particular Geo and who are less interested in the cultural exchange part. They get here and the thin veneer of interest in childcare quickly fades. If I could filter and only get au pair who were open to all geos, and thus more interested in the exchange program than just Hollywood, I might consider going back to the au pair program. Might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Just like you, I just needed to vent and realize I'm not the only one going through this. We LOVE our LCC and know from talking to our au pair's friends that the other companies' LCCs in our area are not nearly as good, so we're sticking with APIA for now - good to hear that CCAP's pool is much the same right now.

I would not stay with an agency just because of the LCC. We love APIA but this year it just did not work out for us on the match. No candidates that we really were excited about and maybe we just had bad luck with a few of profiles we liked did not reply (maybe 2 out of 15 screenings)...we looked on both CCAP and APIA for this next AP and found CCAP just had way better candidates. Only immediate dismissal we got on CCAP was from an Australian who only wanted NYC where her sister and cousin were APs. She was nice and who could blame her for being that particular. When we looked at our history as we were going through the process she must have shot down at least 10 families who picked her up. One or two candidates like that do frustrate a lot of HF, but they are the exception and not the norm IMO.