Tips for interviewing and providing references while still employed

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03/28/2016 19:02

Subject: Tips for interviewing and providing references while still employed

quote

Anonymous

I've decided to leave my NF of 2.5 years. There are many reasons, which I'd rather not discuss in great detail, but one big issue is communication between MB and DB; I often hear one thing from MB and then the opposite from DB, they're never on the same page about anything related to their child, from dropping a nap or potty training, to which brand of fabric softener to use, and it's getting tiresome. There are many other issues on top of that including the cleanliness of the home, schedule issues, not giving enough PTO (only 1 week per year and they always take their week off during the week I choose and I work over the holidays too) or paying well enough, and the list goes on.

Before I quit I want to have a new job lined up, and per our contract I will give 4 weeks notice. I've been on two interviews in the past two weeks, and both times I felt it was going well until they started asking detailed questions about why I was leaving my current NF. In the first interview I kept it very brief when they first asked why I'm leaving (we're not a good fit) but they kept asking why we're not a good fit (communication issues). They then wanted more specifics, saying they wanted to make sure they don't make the same mistakes with their new nanny, and so I gave more specifics. Now I think I gave out too much info about them which is unprofessional and ultimately I think they're now worried I'd talk about them behind their backs.

I told myself going into the second interview that I would not say anything bad about my current NF and would stick to the "we're no longer a good fit" line. But once again the second family seemed obsessed with the WHY behind my decision to leave my NF, and when I refused to give specifics (stating I preferred not to talk badly about them), they started asking if I'm no longer a good fit for them because I'm better suited to babies than toddlers or if maybe I should've done things differently to ensure a good fit as my nanny family's needs change.

In both interviews things seemed to go well until they started asking questions about my current NF and then the mood in the room went south. How can I prevent this from happening in my next interview? I considered lying about being currently employed but I don't think that's ideal because then it wouldn't make sense to say I need a full month before starting the position and also it doesn't explain why I'm not providing a reference for the past 2.5 years.

Another issue I'm having is references. My current MB and DB are close friends with my previous NF, who I had worked with for 4.5 years, so now I feel like I can't give any references for the past 7 years. I had been giving out three references, one is a family I've been babysitting for occasionally for years but it is still very occasional and always in the evenings so that's not the best reference for a full time nanny job. The other two were families I'd nannied for a while back but the first one, who I hadn't spoken to in over 2 years and who I worked with for 2.5 years 8+ years ago, has apparently moved and no longer uses the same email or phone number; the other one is a decent reference but I only worked wIth them for one year and that was almost 7 years ago!

The question I have about references is this: Should I use my current NF or my previous NF (who are close with current NF) as references and ask new potential NFs to lie and say they're only looking for occasional evening babysitting? Or should I just stick with giving out the babysitting family and my old nanny family from 7 years ago as references?

Thank you for your advice.