When do you think you will age out of the program?

[Anonymous]

Here we are, in our 7th year of hosting. We are busy family of 5, mom and dad working full time with longish commutes. We have had 8APs in 7 years (1 rematch, no extension) and we feel blessed by the relationships we have made with all these wonderful girls. But it’s clear to us that we are quickly aging out of the program.

Having an AP was really ideal during the elementary school years. Our APs used to help a lot with homework, but that’s not needed anymore now that our kids are in middle and high school. APs also babysat the odd Saturday morning or night, but now that our kids are old enough to babysit themselves. APs helping in the morning with making lunches and driving kids to school was great, but now they all make their own lunches and walk to school. Basically our AP is now an after-school driver, cook helper, and chore supervisor (of course she is much more than that, as an integrated member of our family…).

I have also noticed that the relationship with our kids has evolved over the years. Our kids are becoming more independent and want to spend more time with their friends. They are less receptive to ‘another adult’ in the house who will at some point nag them to put their backpack and shoes away. I find it a bit sad for our current AP. She is so active, creative and energetic and always trying to motivate the kids to do things, but our kids are in another phase where they pretty much want to chill and do things on their own terms. She does get them to cook and bake with her, which is great. On the other hand, she gets a pretty easy gig: 2-7PM Monday to Friday, eating dinner with us included in her hours.

I am surprised we got here so quickly. Even last fall I thought we would be in it for a few more years (I was considering extending with current AP). I naively thought we would have Au Pairs until my oldest has her driver’s license, but I am thinking that at this point, having an AP feels more like a luxury.

I know this is more of a personal story than a question, but I am curious to hear from other host parents...
Has anyone successfully kept up with the program through the teenage years? Any tips to share?
When do you plan to age out of the program? What comes next?
Anyone considering hosting exchange students to maintain the exchange part of the program?

[Anonymous]

I'm still early in the program, but like you, I think we'll age out when our youngest twins are in middle school. We have 4 kids, and both work, so it really makes life easier having another adult around the house.

Although, we may quit the program sooner, because my husband (and I too a lesser extent) are feeling like we want our house back to ourselves. We always breathe a sigh of relief when our APs leave for vacation and we have the house to ourselves for a week

[Anonymous]

I think we are done after this year. Our kids will be in 9th, 6th, and 3rd next year and we are thinking of flexing our schedules with a combination of the before and after care program a couple of days a week at my youngest's elementary school, as our older kids will be out the door so early and engaged in after-school activities to the extent that they really don't need a babysitter. I think it will be hard to give up the luxury of a built-in caregiver for 45 hours a week, and we will miss having a young and energetic person around the house, but we are also looking forward to having our house back and to not spending so much on childcare.

[Anonymous]

I thought we would last longer too, but with two in elementary school and with after school activities and such, we ended up using so few hours that it wasn't worth it. I was also, after four years, just done with the program. It was so much work, so much risk, and a ton more expensive than you think it will be. We said goodbye to our last au pair last year and haven't missed it a single time.

[Anonymous]

We do not work long hours (home by 5). When our oldest is 12 and our youngest 9, they 12yrs old will watch the 9yr old for 2.5hrs afterschool.

[Anonymous]

Next year, when our children are 14 and 11, will be our last year. We have been in the program for 10 of the past 12 years, and it's been great. I will miss having an active, energetic young guy living with us. My son will miss it most of all! But I think our daughter will be done with having an au pair when she heads to HS the following fall.

[Anonymous]

Do you need full time care in the summers or can the kids take care of themselves, with combination of camps?

Because, to me, it sounds like you could hire an after-school babysitter at $15 ($375/week) and skip the whole hosting bit. Sounds like you genuinely enjoy hosting and I do as well, but when I get to the point that you describe, I'll probably be eager to get our guest room back. Now, summer break, winter break, spring break, and teacher development days may prolong my participation in the program, but there are camps to cover most of those days.

[Anonymous]

To the PP -- I am the poster at 12:04, not the OP -- part of our calculation is based on hiring a summer babysitter rather than having an AP. All we really need the sitter to do during the summer is supervise the kids at the neighborhood pool and schlep them around to a camp or two. The numbers just aren't making sense for an AP any more.

[Anonymous]

Great post, OP.

I've been wondering the same thing. Right now, our kids are 11 and 8. When we started, I thought we might age out by the time oldest hit middle school (this past year) but that has not been the case at all. For one thing, our younger kid is only 8. Still needs supervision at home in AM and sick days, etc. Also, when I look at what my neighbors go through in terms of finding and keeping afterschool drivers, I'm not very tempted by that route. It's kind of expensive, I guess, but I see us having the AP for at least another couple of years even if the role is evolving towards one of being afterschool driver, and kid/family-related errand-runner. We still need the summer coverage too.

Right now, I'm guessing that we'll age out when oldest kid starts high school in fall 2018. But maybe not? I can see us potentially keeping AP as a glorified live-in afterschool driver, just to avoid the headache and stress of having to constantly find a new driver who is reliable, etc. DH& I are generally home by 6:30pm but we also value the fact that we are able to cook a nice dinner and are not constantly in transit ferrying kids during the dinner hour (our AP often is; we don't ask her to cook).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great post, OP.

I've been wondering the same thing. Right now, our kids are 11 and 8. When we started, I thought we might age out by the time oldest hit middle school (this past year) but that has not been the case at all. For one thing, our younger kid is only 8. Still needs supervision at home in AM and sick days, etc. Also, when I look at what my neighbors go through in terms of finding and keeping afterschool drivers, I'm not very tempted by that route. It's kind of expensive, I guess, but I see us having the AP for at least another couple of years even if the role is evolving towards one of being afterschool driver, and kid/family-related errand-runner. We still need the summer coverage too.

Right now, I'm guessing that we'll age out when oldest kid starts high school in fall 2018. But maybe not? I can see us potentially keeping AP as a glorified live-in afterschool driver, just to avoid the headache and stress of having to constantly find a new driver who is reliable, etc. DH& I are generally home by 6:30pm but we also value the fact that we are able to cook a nice dinner and are not constantly in transit ferrying kids during the dinner hour (our AP often is; we don't ask her to cook).

Thanks for your response. I sort of feel the same way. I'd love to keep an AP as a glorified driver, and potential cook (I screen for APs who actually want to cook), but I think the role has evolved to a place where we would need to find a different type of AP all together: the kind that wants as much time off as possible, and is ok not really engaging that much with the kids and the family. And then I realize that I don't really want that kind of AP, if that makes sense...

[Anonymous]

I think you still need the help! My kids are in middle school and high school and we still need the flexibility of live in help, a driver (most important) and someone to hang out when there is no school for days. Yes, my kids can stay alone but I don't love the idea of a 14 year old and a 12 year old being home alone for days on end with nothing to do and no way of getting anywhere since we live in the burbs. AP is a cost effective way to have all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you still need the help! My kids are in middle school and high school and we still need the flexibility of live in help, a driver (most important) and someone to hang out when there is no school for days. Yes, my kids can stay alone but I don't love the idea of a 14 year old and a 12 year old being home alone for days on end with nothing to do and no way of getting anywhere since we live in the burbs. AP is a cost effective way to have all that.

Yes indeed, I will still definitely need someone. But at 20hrs per week during the school year, it would be much cheaper at this point to use a local person. Not to say anything about claiming back my home, my car, and lowering my food/electric/phone/gas bills. I have all girls, and really no qualms about leaving my 15 and 12, 12yr olds home alone for a few days out of the year. As for summers, I might try to put the kids in sleep away camp for part of the summer.

No doubt the au pair program is the easiest route, but as I mentioned in my original post, my kids are not as engaged with our AP at this point and I don't think that's going to change moving forward. They seem kind of done with a live in au pair. If we continue, we will probably end up with a girl who is not as engaged with us, barely has to work, yet gets full advantage of all our expensive perks. At some point the give/take balance is not even anymore and I have a feeling it will build resentment.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 11 and 8 as well and I anticipate that we will be totally done when oldest turns 16 and can get herself and littler DD to activities if we aren't around. Also want her to an age where she can work in the summer so they aren't sitting around the house all day in the summer with nothing to do.

Not to hijack but what the hell do kids do all summer. DD11 is already aging out of most of the day camps around here and won't be allowed to work legally for 3 more years. Seems like a recipe for disaster to be home alone all day... One more reason to keep the AP

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of us would not be in the program of we could find reliable local help on a part time basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 11 and 8 as well and I anticipate that we will be totally done when oldest turns 16 and can get herself and littler DD to activities if we aren't around. Also want her to an age where she can work in the summer so they aren't sitting around the house all day in the summer with nothing to do.

Not to hijack but what the hell do kids do all summer. DD11 is already aging out of most of the day camps around here and won't be allowed to work legally for 3 more years. Seems like a recipe for disaster to be home alone all day... One more reason to keep the AP

I am curious how you find the relationship evolving when your daughters get older. I had the same intentions, but I can't see it happening now with the teenage hormones in full swing.

As for summers, I have been enrolling kids in short specialized day camps: computers, sports, musical theater, etc. We can't really do more than one week each kid (3 of them) on top of the au pair stipend, but once we end the program, I suspect we will do most of our care spendings in the summer with a combination on sleepaway, day camps and vacations.