Keep being declined jobs vent

[Anonymous]

My NF and I currently parted ways due to DS starting school. MB and I were supposed to meet twice for lunch which she initiated then cancelled at last minute. She emails and text me how much they miss me and they wish me well and she's giving a "glowing" reference to potential new families that are contacting her. All 4 of these families interviews went great, right fit, tentative start dates, background checks etc all of which went well until they talked to my former MB. We didn't part on bad terms, I asked for a letter of recommendation which she swore didn't have time to type up that day and would give it me when we met for lunch (although my last day she worked from home) I'm at a loss here and am starting to think she's giving me a bad recommendation why I don't know. I've been turned down 4 times now and am starting to think she's giving me a bad reference. I don't have a written letter to present to families only whatever she's telling them over the phone. I have emails and text from her about how much they miss me, they hope alls well, hopefully I can come back if they're expecting again and so on.. I'm confused right now and just mostly need to vent thanks for listening

[Anonymous]

I would stop using her as a reference for now and see if it makes a difference. She could be sabotaging you in order to have you available if they are trying to get pregnant. Or she may not be doing it on purpose, but she's saying something that is setting off a red flag to potential employers.

A few years ago I was using a woman I had sat for casually while in college. It was casual sitting, I had no duties other than playing with her child, and bedtime. There were a couple of times I had job offers pulled after checking my references. Once I did get a new job, my new MB mentioned offhand that one of my references had been weird. She said the woman had said they I never helped her with the laundry or dishes, and that I brought my boyfriend around her kid!!! She invited him in once when he picked me up. It was insane! Like you, I had considered her a friend and thought she was one of my strongest references.

[Anonymous]

MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

This is a perfect idea.

+2

Remember you have the emails where she says how happy they were having you as their nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

This is a perfect idea.

+2

Remember you have the emails where she says how happy they were having you as their nanny.

+3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

This is a perfect idea.

+2

Remember you have the emails where she says how happy they were having you as their nanny.

If I got a so-so or off sounding reference from someone and then you produced your private email correspondence in rebuttal, I would not only not hire you, I'd think you were obviously incapable of being professional and probably let your reference know what you were up to...just saying.

[Anonymous]

Stop using that reference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using that reference

Exactly. Simple.

[Anonymous]

I was in same situation. .. I stop using that references, I am working with a wonderful family now.

The funny thing is that one family who gave not so good reference still text me and says how much the kids missed me and can come over to see the kids. Till date I haven't text them back so there are some crazy Mbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here -

If I were in your position, I might have a friend call her pretending to be another potential employer to see what sort of reference she's actually giving. If it really is glowing, then you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by not having your most recent employer as a good reference. If it's not a good reference, then you know that she's lying to you and you can avoid her in the future.

This is a perfect idea.

+2

Remember you have the emails where she says how happy they were having you as their nanny.

If I got a so-so or off sounding reference from someone and then you produced your private email correspondence in rebuttal, I would not only not hire you, I'd think you were obviously incapable of being professional and probably let your reference know what you were up to...just saying.

So you would let the reference know you caught them in their lie but are going to side with them anyway? And you think the nanny is the crazy one who's "up to something?" Huh.