What makes a great AP?

[Anonymous]

I'd like some comparison to see if I'm expecting too much or not enough.

Tell me about your best AP experience. traits or things they did that made you notice good work/fitting in? Expectations? Age/circumstance?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

We've had 2 amazing APs. I'd say their qualities fall into two camps: Relationship with the kids and all around behavior.

Both of them really love our kids. They got down in the dirt and played with them. Kicked soccer balls for hours, play dolls and engaged with them all the time, when other adults might have sat out and watched. They took the time to be patient and understand our kids, really getting to know their personalities and what made each kid tick.

Both of them were also awesome partners to live with. Cleaned up after themselves, took initiative in reorganizing toys or sorting through clothes. Arranged fun activities that involved a lot of effort on their part. They were always helpful around the house and thoughtful about respecting our (limited) rules. They noticed when we were exhausted and stepped in. They noticed when we went out of our way to help them or go the extra mile, and said thank you. They were mature, engaged and lovely people.

I think maturing counts for so much- though it is not defined by age alone. One of our best APs was 19. One was 22. In general, though, I think 20-23 is the best age range to shoot for when matching. I do think you can get a sense of maturity when you talk to them. How do they carry themselves? Are they asking good questions, indicating they have really given thought to the whole program? Do they post photos where they are always in the same pose or other indicators of a lack of self confidence about their appearance? Do they let their sense of humor shine through?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like some comparison to see if I'm expecting too much or not enough.

Tell me about your best AP experience. traits or things they did that made you notice good work/fitting in? Expectations? Age/circumstance?

Thanks!

What's your situation, OP?

[Anonymous]

This is exact thread is on aupairmom.com now. Check it out - a lot of very experienced HMs have chimed in.

For us, it's someone who is open and excited and eager and willing to put in the hard work to make the year all it can be. This means being open to feedback, non-defensive, and willing to try all suggestions and and to throw him or herself into the job of being an AP. It means being excited to see and do and learn about all the things involved in living in the US - trying new foods, listening to new music, seeing new sites, exploring, and being open to making friends and talking to people who aren't only from his or her country. It means saying to him or herself, "I am here to grow and expand my horizons, so I am going to throw myself into this experience and get out of it all I can." This means taking advantage of nearly every offer - come see what Costco looks like! come trick or treating with us! come see what a Special Olympics swim meet is like! And doing so with gusto. It means going out and exploring in the off hours and seeing and doing and having a blast. It means coming home tired, but taking the time to tell the family about his or her day, show pictures, and share a funny story at dinner. It means bringing friends around and introducing them, so that we know them and our home truly feels like home. It means telling us when something is hard so we can help make it better or strategize about how to improve things if it's not within our power to simply make better.

Seven out of nine of our APs have fit this description. One was OK but worked very hard and became good - not great - in the course of the year. Two rematches went home quickly, and one was very good at her job but not a good housemate or fit with us (in retrospect, I should have coached her better on being a better housemate - I have since learned). Our last six APs have all been stellar.

You will note that I never said the AP was perfect, never said that the AP did all chores that were asked, never said that the AP made no mistakes. In fact, in all cases, there were chores that didn't get done on a regular basis - sometimes laundry didn't get folded before they were off for the weekend, sometimes sheets didn't get washed after the cleaning person came, sometimes the counter didn't get wiped down. But if an AP is great 80% of the time, then I absolutely do not focus one second on the other 20%. I have washed my children's sheets myself and often the AP's too every week this year, because this just isn't what AP is good at doing. OTOH, he is so enthusiastic, so eager and willing to help, so involved with the children, and so just totally open to everything that I don't even think about it. I know he thinks he has the best HF around (he tells everyone), and we feel the same about him. When he is happy and we are happy, this is a great situation.

Our APs have been 19-21. Two Brazilian (two Brazilian rematches), the bad housemate/good AP was Costa Rican, and the rest have been German, Austrian, or Swiss. Females for the first few years and males since.

[Anonymous]

I feel these types of au pairs are few and far between we are on our 2nd au pair in 6 months because first i thought my expectations were too high. We had a 25 yo who was just here to travel and the 2nd one who is almost 20 is too overwhelmed with 3 kids. It's exhausting to keep going through this and now we are quitting the program.

[Anonymous]

10:38 here. I actually disagree. I think these APs are actually pretty common. It takes screening and training, but they are out there and waiting to have the best year of their life. Knowing they are doing an outstanding job and that their HFs love them can really be the piece that makes the year fabulous and not just "fun."

[Anonymous]

I think a great AP is a natural with kids, has a good sense of judgment so can reasonably navigate the tricky situations that arise when you're not around, cares about your approach to parenting and can respect basic parameters but also has a style of her own that works so she doesn't need step by step instructions for every scenario, and is proactive with coming up with things to do with the kids.

A great AP also needs decent room mate habits - picks up after herself without reminders, pitches in with family meals and activities in some small way (ie - sets the table, or puts away leftovers), and is courteous in her comings & goings. For us, we also need a good driver and can't make do without one.

In my experience, age and work experience doesn't determine these things so much as personality. In our first AP search, I was most nervous about the room mate dynamic of the whole thing, so we really screened for a personality match - some one I thought I'd enjoy seeing at my dinner table every night for a year, which was a daunting thought in the beginning. Now that we're more experienced and I was less nervous about that piece of it, we screened more for childcare qualifications and yes, we have some one who looks more impressive on paper and is older, but she's not bonding with us as a family and I can see that we'll just never be as close to her as we were to our first. She's good with the kids, so it's fine, but it doesn't feel as good to host in this situation - it's more a matter of mutual convenience this time around, rather than like having a dear niece stay with us.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who have had great au pairs, what type of interview questions did you ask? For those who have hosted more than one, in retrospect, were there any warning signs during the interview process that would have now tipped you off between an okay AP versus a great AP? Does anyone have experience with turning an "okay" AP into a "great" AP with good coaching, and if so, what did you do to turn things around?

[Anonymous]

I have posted a bunch about turn-around situations. Our current AP was nearly in rematch back in Oct, and he is now one of our best ever. The main characteristics that I look for in an AP are demonstrated ability to hear and act on constructive feedback, eagerness to do an excellent job in all areas, and genuine curiosity about trying new things. Those three characteristics, in our experience, prime an AP for excellence.

If a candidate is open to feedback, I'll help make him or her excellent for our family. I'm a professor, and I am used to teaching and coaching students towards excellence, so if an AP lets me and is open to my guidance, I will help him or her really master our job. If a candidate wants to be really great, then he or she is going to put forth whatever effort is needed to become excellent. That, combined with the openness to feedback and guidance, bode well for an AP. And someone who is curious will take advantage of all the opportunities - social, family-centered, educational, travel-related, food related, you name it - that the year presents. We want an AP who loves being here, loves the experience of being an AP, can't wait to see and do and try, and throws him or herself into the job. We will do everything in our power to help our AP have the best year of his or her life, in return for him or her doing everything possible to be the best AP possible for our family.

It has worked most of the time over the past nine years. Next year is the last one, and I'm really hoping we hit the jackpot yet again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have posted a bunch about turn-around situations. Our current AP was nearly in rematch back in Oct, and he is now one of our best ever. The main characteristics that I look for in an AP are demonstrated ability to hear and act on constructive feedback, eagerness to do an excellent job in all areas, and genuine curiosity about trying new things. Those three characteristics, in our experience, prime an AP for excellence.

If a candidate is open to feedback, I'll help make him or her excellent for our family. I'm a professor, and I am used to teaching and coaching students towards excellence, so if an AP lets me and is open to my guidance, I will help him or her really master our job. If a candidate wants to be really great, then he or she is going to put forth whatever effort is needed to become excellent. That, combined with the openness to feedback and guidance, bode well for an AP. And someone who is curious will take advantage of all the opportunities - social, family-centered, educational, travel-related, food related, you name it - that the year presents. We want an AP who loves being here, loves the experience of being an AP, can't wait to see and do and try, and throws him or herself into the job. We will do everything in our power to help our AP have the best year of his or her life, in return for him or her doing everything possible to be the best AP possible for our family.

It has worked most of the time over the past nine years. Next year is the last one, and I'm really hoping we hit the jackpot yet again!

we're only on our 2nd au pair. first ended in her going home after 3 months - which was a totally surprise to us because we thought we screened so well and she just seemed like a great fit for us.

our 2nd au pair is wonderful! and i think largely because of all of the points you raised. and i think we just got lucky with finding her.

my question is how do you screen for that? do you have a series of questions? or things you look out for during the interviews?

[Anonymous]

21:48 here. I screen by having about 5-7 skype calls prior to matching . We talk about everything - from jobs to school to parents to girlfriends (we host male APs) to being in situations that were hard but the Ap candidate got through, etc, and from that, I can tell who is eager to learn and who is genuinely curious and who really wants to do a good job. I ask about mentors and whom the candidate seeks as a mentor. There is good research linking the seeking of a mentor with employment success, so I look for those who have sought out mentors in school, sports, and employment situations. I ask about their favorite bosses and those they didn't like and why as well as teachers and professors they liked and why. I am looking for them to be the kind of people who like the hard teacher, who appreciate the strict boss, who appreciate getting feedback to make them good at their studies or their jobs. And for the curiosity thing, you just see that when the first two "prepared" interviews are over and you're just chatting. That is when you get the real person coming through. Someone who has already researched our town and found 2 APs on FB who live in our town and have questions about the city nearby us will be interesting to me. Someone who has to be told to google our town will probably be someone who needs more guidance than I want to give.