Best way to do this: AP with newborn and preschooler

[Anonymous]

We have hosted an AP before, so I have a general idea of how things work, but I am struggling with the logistics of the following:

-Due in mid to late October; will have a c-section.
-Older child in full day (9-4 or 9-6) Pre-K
-Dad has a typical 8-6 job with somewhat regular travel (every 3 weeks-ish)
-Mom is self-employed- can do most of the work from home but will have to meet with clients 2-3 hrs/day, 3 days/wk in late afternoons during "maternity leave"

The way I look at it, we have 3 options:

1. Have AP start in late August/early Sept.. enough time to get acclimated to family and bond with preschooler before baby comes. Can help mom with getting ready for baby (setting up room, washing clothes, etc) before baby comes. When baby comes, AP can be on duty during normal working hours and can take baby while mom is working from home and baby needs attention. Until baby is 3 months, when mom has to meet with clients, dad can come home early from work and work from home in the afternoons. This could obviously present a problem when dad is on business travel, and is not ideal in terms of him skipping out of work early so often, but I like the idea of keeping the caregivers somewhat consistent and always having a parent there.

2. Same as the above, except pay a trusted babysitter to do that afternoon shift until dad is home 3x/wk.

3. Wait until January to have AP start, and hire a temporary nanny specializing in infants/baby nurse/whatever they are called to work full time until baby is 3 months old and AP can take over.

4. Anything else??

Realistically I will probably have to start meeting with clients about 2 weeks post c section. Of course if there are complications we would have to reassess but I do not have much choice in this matter.

Money is a factor here, but not the biggest factor. I am aware that this is not an ideal situation for any party involved and I want to try to do what is best for the baby and older child, even if it means taking a hit financially.

[Anonymous]

What are your normal working hours? Have you considered having the AP would Tuesday through Friday or Monday through Thursday, and supplementing with a nanny share (to get baby out of the house and make it easier for you to work) the other day? For the preschooler, 9-4 is plenty, so you need someone who can do pick ups.

If you're comfortable with someone living with you, perhaps hiring a live-in nanny for the first 3-6 months would be best, that way you don't have to worry about needing more hours, not knowing if a sitter would know what to do or that a 1-day-a-week nanny would find another position. If I remember correctly, APs have to be infant qualified to work with kids under 2, and they aren't allowed to work with newborns. I'm not sure whether helping set up the nursery would be within the allowable housekeeping or not, as the child wouldn't be there yet, and the AP is only required to kids' stuff and common areas to clean up after kids.

[Anonymous]

Are your client meetings outside of the home? Because AP can be on duty with the baby before the 3 month mark if you're around - but can not be solely responsible.

If it's offsite, then I think you'll end up having to pay some one else to watch the baby for the first few months and I don't see the point of paying for childcare twice, so I'd go with:
-from birth until 3 months: your husband takes care of drop off & pick up while you're still in pain & on painkillers. Then when you can drive again, you take care of morning drop off, but DH does afternoon pick up with your son enrolled in preschool 9-6 each day. You just take care of drop off & baby. Hire a p/t nanny for 3 months.
-have au pair set to arrive by the time baby will be 10 weeks old, so you can get the two week learning curve out of the way before you really will be leaving her with your baby for longer stretches of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your client meetings outside of the home? Because AP can be on duty with the baby before the 3 month mark if you're around - but can not be solely responsible.

If it's offsite, then I think you'll end up having to pay some one else to watch the baby for the first few months and I don't see the point of paying for childcare twice, so I'd go with:
-from birth until 3 months: your husband takes care of drop off & pick up while you're still in pain & on painkillers. Then when you can drive again, you take care of morning drop off, but DH does afternoon pick up with your son enrolled in preschool 9-6 each day. You just take care of drop off & baby. Hire a p/t nanny for 3 months.
-have au pair set to arrive by the time baby will be 10 weeks old, so you can get the two week learning curve out of the way before you really will be leaving her with your baby for longer stretches of time.

This. You cannot use your AP for care for the the baby until 3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your client meetings outside of the home? Because AP can be on duty with the baby before the 3 month mark if you're around - but can not be solely responsible.

If it's offsite, then I think you'll end up having to pay some one else to watch the baby for the first few months and I don't see the point of paying for childcare twice, so I'd go with:
-from birth until 3 months: your husband takes care of drop off & pick up while you're still in pain & on painkillers. Then when you can drive again, you take care of morning drop off, but DH does afternoon pick up with your son enrolled in preschool 9-6 each day. You just take care of drop off & baby. Hire a p/t nanny for 3 months.
-have au pair set to arrive by the time baby will be 10 weeks old, so you can get the two week learning curve out of the way before you really will be leaving her with your baby for longer stretches of time.

This. You cannot use your AP for care for the the baby until 3 months.

I think OP understood that. What I was reminding OP about if she didn't recall, is that an AP is allowed to help with a baby under 3 months of age, but can not be solely responsible. So if OP has a conference call, but is still at home and could step away for an emergency, then AP can watch the baby during the call. But if OP needs to head into town to meet with a client on site, then that won't work.

[Anonymous]

OP here: thanks! Yes, I understand that. That is why we would pair with having my husband come home early to work from home, or hire a separate babysitter to be in the house. We would not leave the AP home alone with the infant until 3 months.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, I would go for a full blown nanny for the first 3 months. Not only because of the experience with infants, but I would be looking for someone willing to go extra with the other things to do around the house: all the laundry (kids + mine), preparing food for the family, helping with cleaning while baby is sleeping. Then get an IQ AP in January to basically continue what nanny has already set up as schedules and chores (within the program limit). Although if you find a great nanny, you may want to keep her forever

[Anonymous]

Our first AP started when my newborn twins were 4 weeks old (I also had 2 older kids). It was perfect. The first 4 weeks I got used to the new babies and got in the new routine. Then at 4 weeks when I was reaching total exhaustion, AP arrived and I had an extra set of adult hands. I was on maternity leave until 3 months, so she never really had "sole responsibility", but she helped out tremendously, and it gave her several weeks to get used to America, our house, us, the babies, etc. before I went back to work.

I recommend AP starting while you are on maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend AP starting while you are on maternity leave.

Which still means that she will need some kind of back up for when she is meeting with clients before the baby turns 3 months.
And it doesn't sound as if "daddy" is really a good option.

If she needs a babysitter / nanny 3x week from 3rd week on she can just as well hire a nanny for the first three months instead of paying an au pair and an additional babysitter.

I have never been in a similar situation but would either have AP arrive before the baby is born or at the 3 months mark. I don't think it makes much sense to have an AP arrive right after birth, especially not if you have scheduled a C section and won't be fully mobile. The AP will need at least minimal support in the beginning, even if you get an extension AP. With a toddler and a newborn and right after a c section with DH working full-time... that doesn't sound like great timing to welcome an AP. If she arrives before you give birth at least you can get her settled in. If she arrives when the baby is 3 months old she would at least be allowed to be in sole charge of the baby. Seeing you are self-employed I assume you'd still be working from home after the baby has turned 3 months? Infant nanny for the first 12 weeks and then an IQ AP might be your most sensible option if you need to be back at work that early.

[Anonymous]

For a premature baby, the 3 month mark is too little.
Are you working part time? What support will you be able to give the au pair if she does not have the energy? Are you working part time?

[Anonymous]

#3. Hands down.

[Anonymous]

I think option 3, as an AP requires far more effort on your part (especially in the beginning) than a nanny would. Once you are up and running in January and know all the variables about your routine, then I would get an AP to step in to an already existing routine. By then, you will have more energy to do the things the AP is going to need as well during the start up period (not just bank accounts, etc., but also expecting a period of culture shock and homesickness). A nanny wouldn't require that degree of effort at a time when you'll already be overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think option 3, as an AP requires far more effort on your part (especially in the beginning) than a nanny would. Once you are up and running in January and know all the variables about your routine, then I would get an AP to step in to an already existing routine. By then, you will have more energy to do the things the AP is going to need as well during the start up period (not just bank accounts, etc., but also expecting a period of culture shock and homesickness). A nanny wouldn't require that degree of effort at a time when you'll already be overwhelmed.

I disagree. Option 3 will be the best option considering the much needed stability it will give your older child.

[Anonymous]

Where do you find a temporary nanny for three months who specializes in infants? I'm having twins and think option 3 is good but don't know where to begin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you find a temporary nanny for three months who specializes in infants? I'm having twins and think option 3 is good but don't know where to begin.

Either find an infant care specialist (higher cost, more experience with newborns and multiples) or advertise for a temp nanny for twin multiples. You can also talk to groups on facebook specifically geared towards parents of multiples, see who they would recommend.