What to expect saying goodbye

[Anonymous]

We have to say goodbye to our beloved nanny. Its sad and we wish we didn't but what can expect during the last few weeks and days? We will compensate her well and WE will keep in touch. She is and will always be family.

How do we tell our children? They are 3 and 5.
We want them to remember her and hopefully we can nurture their relationship even though they won't be seeing her. How will this affect them?

My husband and I aren't emotional people but we have cried privately over this matter. We haven't spoken to out nanny about how emotional this must be for her. Do we have that talk? I am sure tears will flow on our last day together.

I guess my real question is HOW do we say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Does it have to be absolute? Can there be any contact? Coming to birthday parties, having her over for dinner, occasional babysitting, etc... are all possible if she's local and you part on good terms.

If one party is moving away then skype can be a way to ease the finality (we will still see and talk to X - next Monday we'll call her to tell her all about ....)

Your kids will take their cues from you - so definitely try to manage the emotion and make this a positive, natural evolution.

When our nanny of more than 3 years left us we talked a lot about the new baby who needed her. We still see her, and do all of the things I listed above, and when we do we talk with the kids about the new baby she is taking care of and how big and grown up our kids are now.

The kids get it, and the sadness is hugely eased by ongoing contact with her (for all of us actually - even though we knew it was time.)

If no one is dying there are all kinds of ways to approach this in a less final way. And if your nanny is experienced she has likely been through this before and might have some suggestions of ways to go about it that are comfortable for her.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them the nanny is moving or going back to college or it's time for her to go take care of other babies now or whatever. Then tell them who will take care of them once she's gone, then how they will be able to stay in touch, then brainstorm with them something nice they can do on her last day.

If you act happy for the nanny, the kids are likely to follow your lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them the nanny is moving or going back to college or it's time for her to go take care of other babies now or whatever. Then tell them who will take care of them once she's gone, then how they will be able to stay in touch, then brainstorm with them something nice they can do on her last day.

If you act happy for the nanny, the kids are likely to follow your lead.

You sound like a first class phony. Are you?
OP is right to be so caring. Bless her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them the nanny is moving or going back to college or it's time for her to go take care of other babies now or whatever. Then tell them who will take care of them once she's gone, then how they will be able to stay in touch, then brainstorm with them something nice they can do on her last day.

If you act happy for the nanny, the kids are likely to follow your lead.

You sound like a first class phony. Are you?
OP is right to be so caring. Bless her.

What's phony about this? Sounds like good advice to me.

OP, I empathize. We're about to deal with the same thing, and it's so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them the nanny is moving or going back to college or it's time for her to go take care of other babies now or whatever. Then tell them who will take care of them once she's gone, then how they will be able to stay in touch, then brainstorm with them something nice they can do on her last day.

If you act happy for the nanny, the kids are likely to follow your lead.

You sound like a first class phony. Are you?
OP is right to be so caring. Bless her.

What's phony about this? Sounds like good advice to me.

OP, I empathize. We're about to deal with the same thing, and it's so hard.

Maybe you're right and 12:04 has no heart. That's just how she is for real. Yuk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them the nanny is moving or going back to college or it's time for her to go take care of other babies now or whatever. Then tell them who will take care of them once she's gone, then how they will be able to stay in touch, then brainstorm with them something nice they can do on her last day.

If you act happy for the nanny, the kids are likely to follow your lead.

You sound like a first class phony. Are you?
OP is right to be so caring. Bless her.

What's phony about this? Sounds like good advice to me.

OP, I empathize. We're about to deal with the same thing, and it's so hard.

Maybe you're right and 12:04 has no heart. That's just how she is for real. Yuk.

So it's best for the kids if parents sob openly over the loss of their nanny? I don't think so. Did you miss the part about staying in touch and brainstorming something nice to do for her?

[Anonymous]

12:04 is basically a more succinct version of 10:09. They're both saying the same thing - find a way to celebrate a great relationship, think of ways to stay in touch, and don't make it a tragedy.

That's great advice.

It isn't actually a tragedy you know - it is a very normal and predictable evolution of the role. No one hires a nanny or takes a nanny job thinking it will be a lifelong employment relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is never ever easy but if it must be done so be it...such is life.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give more than one week's notice to the children. No reason to talk and talk and talk about it - children will get worried and wonder "is today her last day?"

So I'd talk about it on the weekend before her last Friday. Nanny is going to take care of a new baby, and you two are going to X preschool. She is leaving in 5 days. You could make a paper chain, and take off one chain each night so they can see physically how many more 'nanny days' there are.

Then also talk about something they'd like to give her. A picture they work on? Choose some photos to give her and make her a card?

Talk about how you will see her and stay in touch.

Then MOnday the nanny can start acknowledging that this is her last few days, let's plan this week - which playground do you want to go to with me before I leave? (if you have multiple choices) - and so forth.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps not make it about "Good-bye," but more like a moving on process that will be done.

Can you have her babysit on occasions. perhaps for date nights w/your hubby? That will ensure the children will see her again, just at a different time and not as much.

Also, from time to time you can to Facetime or Skype so they do not lose touch.