When your employment needs have changed

[Anonymous]

We have employed our nanny for three years and she truly is part of the family. We are now expecting a second child and I am having reservations if she's the right person to work with our family. She's great with babies, but doesn't do other tasks aside from caring for our child. This means that I am preparing lunch, and getting DS ready for preschool in the morning (a very hard task when I'm 8 months pregnant and getting myself ready for work). We have a housekeeper so she's never been responsible for doing our daughter's laundry or other light cleaning nor have I expected her to be.

The reasons I would like to continue employing her are:
1. She and DS have a wonderful bond
2. She is incredibly trustworthy
3. She is always prompt and has rarely taken sick days.
4. She really has taught DS so much and he's met all his milestones. Has always been very well cared for.
5. I like her
6. She's older and I'm worried it will be hard for her to find new employment

My concerns are:
1. She seems to have her hands full simply taking care of DS
2. She's unwilling to run to the store to pick up diapers or other things we might have run out of.
3. Lately she has not taken our son on as many outings and seems tired.
4. I worry that the drop off and pick up from school (which is walking distance from our house) will be too much for her with an additional baby.
5. She's not the best with problem solving. (i.e. if things aren't exactly where they should be, she won't necessarily look for them).
6. I think that both she and DS nap for about 3 hours a days while I'm at work. Not something that bothered me before but now that another one is coming I worry she won't be able to keep up with both of them.
7. She's done some things recently that make me think she's having trouble managing stress (leaving our door wide open, losing the metro card we provide for her, locking the keys in the house).

[Anonymous]

I think it's time for a new nanny. You can't risk safety and it sounds like you would if you keep employing her.

[Anonymous]

Whoa. The front door thing and the locking the keys in would signify that you need a new nanny when you have another child. She's slowing down and those are all safeTy concerns. What if she licks herself out when there's a baby inside???

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that stuck with her older nanny in this situation. It ended up meaning that they had to arrange preschool and work schedules so that she rarely had to manage both children. The only advantage to them was that she didn't get as much of a raise as someone else might have.

I know this is hard. As you see, "grandmother" types are very good with infants, but less helpful with older kids. I would kindly tell her that your needs have changed, and you have decided you need someone who can do x, y, and z. If there's something (like errands) that she's already said she won't do make sure that's on the list.

Give her generous severance, and help her with her job search, but move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, we had an absolutely wonderful nanny for our kids for their first 3+ years. (Twins)

She was fantastic, loving, experienced, reliable, totally trustworthy, etc... Really just terrific.

Until they started getting significantly more mobile and active. She was turning 60 at the time and the combination of some slowing down (naturally) on her part, and their significantly increased need for activity, started being an issue.

We ended up having to let her go and we hired someone in her 20's. We also helped our first nanny find another position with a 5 month old baby.

Everyone is infinitely happier now and our kids still have a great relationship with their first nanny.

It was tough to do but it was absolute the right thing for us AND for our nanny. We probably should have done it at least 6 months earlier but hindsight is 20/20.

If you were hiring a nanny now for your current needs, would your current nanny fit the bill if she walked in the door? Start there. If the answer is no then do what you need to do for your family. There are many ways you can make this as manageable as possible for your current nanny (especially financially) but your first and totally non-negotiable priority has to be your family's needs.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You state your current nanny is older, how old is she?

Because yes, she may be slowing down and may need to seek another profession.

Also, your family needs will change very soon and she may not be able to work with the new dynamic.

Talk to her about it, let her know your concerns and that if she doesn't feel comfortable about caring for another child, it is okay with you. No hard feelings on either side.

[Anonymous]

That leaves her an out if she feels too overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, it sounds like you need to change. I would do it asap so that your DC has time to adjust and bond with the new nanny before baby comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, it sounds like you need to change. I would do it asap so that your DC has time to adjust and bond with the new nanny before baby comes.

congrats E&D