Live-in Nanny with own family?
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Anonymous
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We currently have a live-out nanny of many years who we love. She commutes to us 1 hr on public transportation and does not drive, and has a husband and older elementary-aged son. We are expecting our 3rd child and are considering a move to a bigger house. I think I am going to need extra help (possibly evening & some weekends) and am considering moving to a house that has a separate area where our nanny and her family could live, if they are open to the idea. Do you see anything potential issues with this? One being that if the situation isn't working out at some point, their whole family would have to move which would be more difficult than an individual live-in nanny.
I suppose we could keep the live-out situation, and I could hire another evening/weekend sitter for nanny, b/c I don't think my current nanny could take on those extra hours if her family is not right nearby. |
Anonymous
| Just ask her, would her son have to change school districts? If so, that may be a problem. But it would also probably greatly reduce her living expense and commute expense. |
Anonymous
| Would she even WANT more hours? Perhaps she values time with her family? |
Anonymous
| If she lives with not only her son, but also her husband, it's unlikely that you would want to have them there, and it's unlikely that he would want to move. |
Anonymous
| Only a fool would agree to such a truly stupid idea. |
Anonymous
| I think if you have adequate space it would be seen as a huge bonus. You will absolutely have to give very special consideration if you no longer need her. We have a nanny "for life" and even purchased an investment property in our school district so oir nanny and her family could live near us. Really helping with flexibility and logistics. We charge her $1000/mo and market value for rent is triple this. Our youngest is 6 and our oldest 17. Once we no longer need her, we will continue to let her live in the house. We're in too deep, but that's OK. |
Anonymous
OP here. It's nice to be able to help someone who is such a help to you, and to help improve their quality of life. For our nanny, it would require a change in school districts, but they haven't been in their current district very long, and where we move would be a great improvement in schools. I wish we had the means to have a separate house for them, so there would be that independence for everyone, but it's going to be a stretch for us to even buy this one house. I would definitely make sure this new house had its own entrance, kitchen, 2 full bedrooms, etc. Maybe I am dreaming, but trying to determine if this would be an ideal situation or not. |
Anonymous
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You can certainly ask her if that's something she and her family would be interested in. Maybe they'd love it, who knows. But PLEASE think of her child when you take her away from him in the evenings and weekends. My mom was a nurse and growing up she often worked evenings and most weekends while I was in school all day. It meant I rarely saw her and it really really sucked, especially during those older elementary years. It created a distance that's never been closed. I don't know if nanny's husband is the child's father or step-father but if it's a step father then please don't even ask unless the hours are after he'd be in bed. Just don't. Kids need their moms in the evenings. Dad, and particularly step-dads just aren't the same.
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Anonymous
| Op here. I agree with PP on that, which is why I was also considering to forget my idea and look for a separate evening/weekend mother's helper when needed. My nanny also works weekends at different jobs so she spends time away from her family to make ends meet. I thought by putting everyone under one roof, she would ultimately have more time with her family. |
Anonymous
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If I were the nanny, I wouldn't want to make my entire family's living situation dependent on my job that way. Many things could happen that might result in the job ending, and then her whole family gets uprooted, her kid might have to switch schools, etc. No way I would do that. It's one thing when your nanny is single.
Also, you might check the laws--it's possible that, especially given the child, you wouldn't be able to make her move out. |
Anonymous
You do realize that people often take on extra hours out of necessity, no? Your mother was not taken from you by thr hospital. She either had to work nor chose it. |
Anonymous
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I'm a career nanny with a female partner. We won't be having children. I've met several nannies who are in similar situations. Some of them are heterosexual if having a gay nanny would be an issue for your family.
I think having a conversation with your nanny and laying out all the what ifs in your head before presenting the idea would be best. As someone said hinging so much of your families home life on an at-will job would require a lot of trust. I hope you find an awesome home that can accommodate your families needs |
Anonymous
| Please be aware that live-in nannies are often subject to the same 30 day eviction requirement that a renter would have. And children younger than 5 usually cannot be evicted between October and March/April. |
Anonymous
| We were in the same exact situation with a nanny who had an older elementary age son and a husband. Her husband would drop her off Sunday night and pick her up Friday evening and she stayed during the weekdays while her son stayed at their home with the husband and attended school. She skyped with her husband and son daily during the week. We did the temporally until we awaited the arrival of our AuPair. |
Anonymous
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It is hard to tell w/out knowing how your nanny would feel about such a set-up.
I would talk to her NOW & run the idea by her. Give her some time to weigh the pros and the cons since this would be a big decision considering it involves her family as well. Don't ask her later on because this is something that requires a lot of careful thought. Good luck. |